A genuine question.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Amazingly enough I haven't had any problems with monogamy over the past several years and I was both a serial OW and a serial cheating cakeeater. I didn't even believe in monogamy once upon a time. I surprised even myself in the long run though.

[Woggle]

I do have a fear of it happening because I have seen women do it time and time again but I really do think I have found an exception. I want my relationships to work and while nothing is promised I do feel there are ways to better the odds and not dating cheaters, walkaway wives or former OW to me would be good ways of improving those odds if I were still single.

[Zolie]

I do have a fear of it happening because I have seen women do it time and time again but I really do think I have found an exception. I want my relationships to work and while nothing is promised I do feel there are ways to better the odds and not dating cheaters, walkaway wives or former OW to me would be good ways of improving those odds if I were still single.

 

To each his own, Woggle. As for me, I would not date sanctimonious, narrow minded, judgmental people who lack any understanding or knowledge of the realities of life. It's a good thing we both see things the same way.

[blind_otter]

I think it's possible for the uncommitted partner but a lot less likely for the married one.

 

I was a cheating cakeeater for a while. I cheated on every single guy I was with for a span of about 5 years, inclunding my exH, and the guy I cheated on my exH with. I cheated on my then-fiance with my current SO....

 

But ever since I've been with my current SO I have not had the urge to stray. It's been almost 3 years now.

[Woggle]

I don't preach to people except on this board where advice is solicited but I want a happy life with a happy relationship and I know if I want that I need to stay away from certain elements. People can do what they want but when it comes and bites them in the ass I hope they understand why. If you associate with theives eventually you will get ripped off and if you choose to involved yourself with cheaters eventually you will get cheated on yourself. Of course there are exceptions but it is not a good idea to gamble on something with such poor odds.

[underpants]

Amazingly enough I haven't had any problems with monogamy over the past several years and I was both a serial OW and a serial cheating cakeeater. I didn't even believe in monogamy once upon a time. I surprised even myself in the long run though.

 

LB, you have much respect from me. You have experienced so much and have seemed to gone through and out the other side of so many tunnels. You wisdom astounds me. I consider you a sage.

 

There are some other people who have made it out the other side of being involved with a married person and are in happy relationships with other people. I see that and I respect it and wish them much success.

 

...Then again, I would be lying if I did not admit that this sort of thing, weighs negatively on my attraction level to someone. Not sure I want to invest in the whys and the lessons learned and all that.

 

Thanks again for all of the input. It is very helpful.

[Woggle]

Someone like Lucrezia I would consider because she has genuinely changed her ways and has learned from her experience.

[jaslene2009]

Well,

 

I am the OW and my MM is the OM. I think I would be faithful if the person was deservant. People do change and there are things that lead us to be the OW or OM or the CS (Cheating Spouse).

 

Yes, the old adage is " Once a cheater always a cheater" and to that I disagree. People cheat for different reasons. I chose to be the OW because dating someone single and I was still M would not be a option.

 

If you are not planning to leave,you have to date someone that has as much to loose as yourself. Again, the person must be deservant of that one on one exclusive relationship from me.

 

Okay, I understand that opinion.

 

My question was not designed to assign who should be blamed.

 

It is a concern that I have.

 

My own personal opinion is that both take part in an affair. One might be breaking commitments but the cheating partner is also aware of their role.

 

Nevermind the hows and whys and who really has the worse character in that relationship.

 

I just am curious if that act would weigh in on later relationships, from the perspective of former

OW

/OMs.

 

[jaslene2009]

I agree Nadia,

 

A MM or MW should address their issues or they will continue to be cheaters. I mean, if the marriage sucks and they are only together for children and assets, they will continue to want that high.

 

A SP could move on but may have issues with being in a relationship with another single person. The demands could be really high and if they don't want that of course a MW or MM is the next best thing.

 

a

I agree with Stargazer. I think an

OP

can get "caught up" in a situation where they are with a married person, then realize that was the wrong choice for them and move on, and feel that *they* weren't the ones who actually cheated on their spouse... and even have a concience voice in the back of their head reminding them not to be with a married person again, based on experience.

 

If you look at it from the stereotypical perspective of a young, single

OW

-- after the A, she may feel duped or heartbroken, but it is not too incredibly different from being broken up with by a single guy or deciding to break up with/ move on from a single guy. (I think this is why many

BS

feel

so

upset... their whole world is shattered by infidelity, whereas they feel their husband eventually becomes just a blip in the

OW

's dating history). The future is very bright for a single woman.

 

But I think a married person who strays might think "once I'

m

a cheater, I'

m

always a cheater", and kind of deal with their problems by continuing to cheat instead of facing the issues. Or they might like that high and continue to chase after it once they've had it. In the stereotypical situation of an older, married-for-a-long-time man... after

OW

leaves or is discovered by

BS

and the A ends,

MM

may only feel like his problems are compounded. The future does not seem as bright for an unhappily married man (or woman) who doesn't fix their marital problems or get divorced... I think the cycle might continue.

 

But I am *not* saying they're aren't remorseful cheaters who can change and either reconcile their marriages or get divorced and not cheat again on future partners. I am just saying it takes a lot of looking inside and thinking hard and changing, for both xOPs and xcheatingMPs. It just seems that a single

OP

's situation may make it easier to move on to more fulfilling relationships while a MP's situation may make it easier to continue to cheat. But then again I could just be looking at this all from my own situation.

 

[Pyro]

Do you think it is possible that a former OW or OM could have a monogamous relationship with a single person after an affair experience?

 

Would there always be the danger of slipping over that boundary once crossed?

 

What do you think? I ask in all sincerity.

 

Anything in life is possible. They just just have to want it, thats all.

 

I think that if I ended up with someone who had cheated in the past, then yes that thought would always be in the back of my mind, but the fact that I chose to be with that person makes it a risk that I am willing to take.

[mystic_pizza]

Do you think it is possible that a former OW or OM could have a monogamous relationship with a single person after an affair experience?

 

Would there always be the danger of slipping over that boundary once crossed?

 

What do you think? I ask in all sincerity.

 

I will answer the question as a former OW. Yes, I would definitely be able to have a monogamous relationship with a single person. I would welcome it! Being involved with my xMM has taught me a lot about myself and what I DON'T want in a future relationship. As a matter of fact, after I ended it and started to heal, I realized that he was just a married version of the kind of men I was attracted to and it forced me to work on my issues. Now I look forward to having a Healthy Happy Monogamous relationship with someone.

 

There are many women out there posting on "Ending A's" boards who will attest to the same thing. Once they come out of the "fog" of the A they see it for what it was and vow never to venture down that road again. Many end up in therapy because of an A and when healed look forward to being involved in a healthy relationship. An A can be a catalyst for a woman to finally deal with any internal issues that made her vulnerable enough to head down that road in the first place.

 

Hope this helps.

 

mystic_pizza

[Chapter2]

Someone like Lucrezia I would consider because she has genuinely changed her ways and has learned from her experience.

 

How gracious of you to allow her to be worthy of you.

[Chapter2]

Do you think it is possible that a former OW or OM could have a monogamous relationship with a single person after an affair experience?

 

Would there always be the danger of slipping over that boundary once crossed?

 

What do you think? I ask in all sincerity.

 

Absolutely they can and are monogamous. It depends on both people in the relationship but there are many, many OW/OM that come out of the A experience with wisdom, growth and character. Part of the very thing that tour my life apart made me realize just how much honesty and respect must be protected in a relationship. Without both, love just isn't there.