At a loss with my sister

[sarah419]

Hi everyone, I have posted about this before and I want to thank everyone for their replies, I apologize for not responding but life is so busy, I did read everyone's advice and it was very much appreciated. The problem is my younger sister. In my original post I was mostly annoyed with her for her selfish behavior and her loudly sleeping with her bf of the month. Since I posted the situation has worsened and I am more concerned about her than anything else. If this is long I apologize in advance.

First off my parents have always had a very toxic relationship (LOTS of drinking, father multiple infidelities ,violent mother etc) I was the older one and the "fixer" so to speak. I cleaned up the vomit, I got mom/dad into bed, broke up the fights, I picked them up from bars, and I made sure my sister was always as much distanced from it as I could. While I would yell and scream at them she was always very very queit. Her relationship with them was never really warm but me and her were very very close. Last year she confided in me that she was having anxiety attacks (to the point that she was texting her friend across the table because she couldn't look at him) she also suffers from Sleep Paraylisis and hormose issues due to Polycistic Ovary Disease. My parents have done ZERO to deal with these issues and although I have helped in some areas most of the time she would try and ignore her problems or play them off as not that bad.

About six months ago she went silent on me. For no apparent reason she began treating me like she usally dealt with my parents, very cold and bad attitude. Like a fool I thought she needed space, this resulted in us not talking at all. Then I tried to talk to her (told her I loved her and just wanted to talk to her) she wouldn't even look at me. She was almost whispering and said she didn't think there was anything to talk about, nothing new going on. Since then more of the same. I go out of my way to be nice to her because I want her to know I'm here for her but she is so unresponsive. Won't talk, just sits in her room or goes out and has this utter pissed/sad look on her face. We are so different, she is the type of person who stiffens up when you hug them. I'm the other end of the spectrum, a complete raw nerve. My parents are worse than ever right now and I know she feels abandoned. I'm here but I'm not her parents. I did all my crying and screaming a long time ago. I know what they are now and I know I have to live my own life. Her reaction is to pull in and this time she seems beyond my reach. The only time I hear her laughing is when she is with her bf who she spends most of her time with. I don't really know him. She refuses to bring him here after the loud sex incident.

I don't know what advice I'm asking from you guys. I guess is there any way I can get her to open up to me? I miss her, she's like a ghost in the house and no one is paying attention. My parents are far to involved in their drama filled world. I don't want to suffocate her but I don't want to just shrug it off either. Mental illness runs in my family (Schizophrenia) and even though that may be a ridiculaous concern at this point I don't know what to think. I just want her to be happy and she is anything but. I used to be able to "rescue" her or at least be an ear. Now it's like she has pushed me out and I don't know what to do. Thanks in advance for any input.

[quankanne]

mental health concerns would be my first thought, especially with the toxic environment y'all are living in, coupled with her female problems, which are tied into problems with blood chemistry.

 

is she seeing a counselor to get the tools she needs to deal with all these things? Because if she's hurting really bad inside, she might be thinking that the way to deal with the pain is to abuse her body (the flavor of the month boyfriends) the way she has.

 

if not a counselor, then a pastor or trusted friend might be able to help her to help herself. Because at this point it sounds like you're the surrogate parent, and she doesn't want you involved because she either resents you in that role or more likely, feels ashamed that she's not strong the way you are, and now you've got to take care of her, too.

 

keep reminding her that she can never be a burden to you because she's your little sister and you love her dearly.

[sarah419]

Very insightful feedback, thank you. My sister has made it very clear that she has no religion so I'm afraid a pastor is out. Counseling is an idea that I have gently suggested but she refuses. She says she is not "crazy" and I tried to explain to her that it has NOTHING to do with being crazy. I went to counseling (much to my parents dissapointment) and it was one of the best things I ever did. As for your observation about her being ashamed that she is not strong I agree although it is unfounded. I think this cold, independent attitude is her way of "taking care of herself" I am going to try again tomorrow to talk to her about speaking to someone. I wish there wasn't such a stigma attached to therapy! btw anyone know how to delete a post, I accidently posted twice!

[iSmiley]

hi Sarah..

 

Hows thing with your sister now?

 

I hope your sister will talk to her bf when she is down and is troubled...if she is uncomfy to talk to you or anyone else..it will be a relief to know she at least got her bf to talk to..

 

Good Luck ^^