At a loss with my sister

[sarah419]

Hi everyone, I have posted about this before and I want to thank everyone for their replies, I apologize for not responding but life is so busy, I did read everyone's advice and it was very much appreciated. The problem is my younger sister. In my original post I was mostly annoyed with her for her selfish behavior and her loudly sleeping with her bf of the month. Since I posted the situation has worsened and I am more concerned about her than anything else. If this is long I apologize in advance.

First off my parents have always had a very toxic relationship (LOTS of drinking, father multiple infidelities ,violent mother etc) I was the older one and the "fixer" so to speak. I cleaned up the vomit, I got mom/dad into bed, broke up the fights, I picked them up from bars, and I made sure my sister was always as much distanced from it as I could. While I would yell and scream at them she was always very very queit. Her relationship with them was never really warm but me and her were very very close. Last year she confided in me that she was having anxiety attacks (to the point that she was texting her friend across the table because she couldn't look at him) she also suffers from Sleep Paraylisis and hormose issues due to Polycistic Ovary Disease. My parents have done ZERO to deal with these issues and although I have helped in some areas most of the time she would try and ignore her problems or play them off as not that bad.

About six months ago she went silent on me. For no apparent reason she began treating me like she usally dealt with my parents, very cold and bad attitude. Like a fool I thought she needed space, this resulted in us not talking at all. Then I tried to talk to her (told her I loved her and just wanted to talk to her) she wouldn't even look at me. She was almost whispering and said she didn't think there was anything to talk about, nothing new going on. Since then more of the same. I go out of my way to be nice to her because I want her to know I'm here for her but she is so unresponsive. Won't talk, just sits in her room or goes out and has this utter pissed/sad look on her face. We are so different, she is the type of person who stiffens up when you hug them. I'm the other end of the spectrum, a complete raw nerve. My parents are worse than ever right now and I know she feels abandoned. I'm here but I'm not her parents. I did all my crying and screaming a long time ago. I know what they are now and I know I have to live my own life. Her reaction is to pull in and this time she seems beyond my reach. The only time I hear her laughing is when she is with her bf who she spends most of her time with. I don't really know him. She refuses to bring him here after the loud sex incident.

I don't know what advice I'm asking from you guys. I guess is there any way I can get her to open up to me? I miss her, she's like a ghost in the house and no one is paying attention. My parents are far to involved in their drama filled world. I don't want to suffocate her but I don't want to just shrug it off either. Mental illness runs in my family (Schizophrenia) and even though that may be a ridiculaous concern at this point I don't know what to think. I just want her to be happy and she is anything but. I used to be able to "rescue" her or at least be an ear. Now it's like she has pushed me out and I don't know what to do. Thanks in advance for any input.

[whichwayisup]

I am sorry that you've had to take on the roll of being a mom and a dad to your sister. I commend your strength and positive attitude throughout this! It isn't fair, the cards you've been dealt, but it is what it is.

 

As for your sister, she's young and the good thing is, she'll grow up. She'll mature as she gets older.

 

All you can do is let her know you love her and are there for her, but allow her to make her mistakes and learn from them. The more you push, the more she'll run the other way. She knows you're her safety net and will be there when things come crashing down.

 

Why not arrange something fun for you both to do and not be a sister/parent to her, just be a fun friend. Laugh and be silly. Maybe right now that's what she needs from you.

 

I have to say, she's lucky to have you in her life!

[sarah419]

Thank you so much for your kind words As of now I am trying to let her have breathing room but treating her as like I always have so she knows I am here if she does decide she wants to talk or hang out. I have asked her to do some fun stuff with me but she is consumed with the bf right now (we were all 19 once right? but at least she knows the invitation is there.