the_musical_nomad Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 My head is in a flurry and I can't think straight. I posted awhile ago about my FH in the hospital. Now I'm back from the UK. He's thank god regained consciousness but there is damage to the right side of his brain and he is paralyzed on his left side. He can't speak yet but can understand yes or no questions and responds by squeezing your hand. It killed me to leave him again and he was crying when I said I had to leave to go back to the states. I'm a mess and I don't think I can go on resuming life as normal while he's in a state all the way over there. I have been mulling it over and I am thinking of quitting my job and just moving there for 3 months until my visa runs out so I can be with him. I have savings. But then the practical side of me says that this may be a foolish thing to do with the recession and all. And then my emotional side says that he should be priority. I don't know. I'm confused. Link to post Share on other sites
SeraBella Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 Well, could you stay with someone there, so you wouldn't have to pay to stay somewhere? And you could get a part time job there, so you don't have to completely drain your savings while there. And you could live frugally. It's not like you'd need to go shopping for expensive things or eat out a lot. I'd want to be with him right now, too. I'd probably do whatever it takes to be there if I could. Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 MN, I was wondering how things were going for him. It is great that he has regained consciousness. The brain heals in weird ways when it is injured - what are the doctors saying about his recovery? Are they hopeful that he will be able to resume a pretty normal life? As much as they can predict anyways. I too, would go to be with him. Can you live with any of his family members. SeraBella makes some great suggestions. If it was me, I would go to be with him. As for your visa, check into whether you get any special considerations due to the circumstances of why you are staying in the country. I will say a prayer for you both. Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_musical_nomad Posted February 2, 2008 Author Share Posted February 2, 2008 MN, I was wondering how things were going for him. It is great that he has regained consciousness. The brain heals in weird ways when it is injured - what are the doctors saying about his recovery? Are they hopeful that he will be able to resume a pretty normal life? As much as they can predict anyways. The Dr. say it is too early to predict. He can move his fingers and toes. They don't think he will be able to be fully mobile even with physical therapy and as for the speech only time will tell. They still need to do tests. Thanks for keeping him in your thoughts. His family has offered and it would help alot so my savings won't be completely drained. Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 Thanks for the update. The body is amazing and I hope that he gets mobile again. The brother of a friend of mine was in motorcyle accident last year, broke his spine. No feeling from the nipples/chest down. He is in construction so was pretty fit and active. He decided he would go back to school and be involved from the engineering/computer side of things seeing he couldn't climb up a ladder any more. He would stay in construction but from a different aspect. Great mindset to have!! Anyway, several months into his recovery, he started to feel tingles and burning in his lower extremities. So you never can tell what happens over time. I really think you being there will give him every reason to fight and recover as best he can. You are an angel. Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 I have been mulling it over and I am thinking of quitting my job and just moving there for 3 months until my visa runs out so I can be with him. I have savings. But then the practical side of me says that this may be a foolish thing to do with the recession and all. And then my emotional side says that he should be priority. I don't know. I'm confused. MN, so glad that you fiance is doing better. I've been wondering how the two of you were getting on and whether you did decide to be at his side during his recovery. Good for you! (and him!) Don't know if it would help, but actually, you can remain up to six months in the U.K. legally. You get an initial 3-month "Permission to Stay" when you go as a U.S. Visitor, and can apply to get a three-month extension. See: http://www.bia.homeoffice.gov.uk/visitingtheuk/visitors/extendingyourstay/ Keep in mind that generally the advice regarding visitor visas is that you need to stay out of the country for as long as you were there. So, if you stay three months, you need to return to your home country for three months -- stay six months, and you wouldn't be able to return for another six months. Might be something to consider/factor in as you try to decide what to do... Also realize that as a visitor, you can't legally work in the U.K. But, as you and OPs have mentioned, if his parents are willing to help you out in terms of a place to stay that could keep your financial out-go to a minimum if/when you're there. Yes, I agree the job issue is worrisome. Any possibility that you could take a leave of absence without pay? Might you be able to do any portion of your work remotely (via internet?) If you do resign, is there any provision where you work that you have "X" months/years to return and can pick up where you left off in terms of benefits/seniority/right to bid on job vacancies? You definitely should talk with you employer to see what might be possible just so you know whether you have any options. Also, what would you do about your living arrangements back in the U.S.? Do you live at home? With roommates? Do you rent/own? If the latter, could you get someone to move in to help cover those expenses if/when you're gone? One other suggestion... If you haven't done so already, do some research on airlines and their frequent flyer programs. Chances are, you'll be making the trip over to the U.K. more often than you originally envisioned, and you might as well benefit from the unfortunate circumstances you're now coping with in the form of a free ticket eventually. What a difficult dilemma... Please keep posting and let us know how we might be able to help you work through this. All the best to you, your fiance and his family. Hugs, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
Author the_musical_nomad Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 Thanks for this info. I will look into it. Frankly, I don't know what is going on with me. I'm like a chicken with its head cut off. I'm ok one moment and then I feel this overwhelming wave of worry and depression wash over me. Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Thanks for this info. I will look into it. Frankly, I don't know what is going on with me. I'm like a chicken with its head cut off. I'm ok one moment and then I feel this overwhelming wave of worry and depression wash over me. Not surprising, given the circumstances, MN. It's not as if the way things are right now are as you and your SO had planned. If it's possible, you might be better off taking some time in order to make your decision. In the meantime, take care and know that there are lots of people out there who are thinking about you and wish you and your SO well. Best, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
Ruthieo01 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Wow! That is a hugh decision. All things in life will fade, follow your heart, the one thing you can truely trust! Link to post Share on other sites
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