Some advice here please...

[Matt]

Hello,

 

I'd greatly appriciate some advice about my situation:

 

I have been going out with this girl for about two months now. I am 24 and she is 23. I enjoy dating her but recently I have begun to feel that she has much stronger feelings about me than I do about her. I am attracted to her, but I don't think I feel stronger than that. I don't think I have ever loved someone I have dated, at least not what I think love is anyway. I guess I feel a bit nervous having someone care about me and I don't want to hurt her in the long run. Again, I like being in a relationship with her, but I just don't think I'll be with her 3, 4, or 6 months down the road. (She is graduating from grad school).

 

So I was wondering what I should do...I already mentioned to her how I might not feel for her as strongly as she felt for me, which didn't go over so well. (Understandably) Right now, we're sort of in a "wait and see" period.

 

So is it better to end a relationship that you think might end anyway, or should I just shut up, enjoy it, and whatever happens happens? My reason for saying something now was that I didn't want her to be deeply hurt in the long run. But I guess the very fact of being in a relationship with someone means there is a chance of being hurt. It's what you risk to gain the reward of being close to someone.

 

I hope this is a good description of my situation. Thanks for your help.

 

Matt

[Jamie]

Hello, I'd greatly appriciate some advice about my situation: I have been going out with this girl for about two months now. I am 24 and she is 23. I enjoy dating her but recently I have begun to feel that she has much stronger feelings about me than I do about her. I am attracted to her, but I don't think I feel stronger than that. I don't think I have ever loved someone I have dated, at least not what I think love is anyway. I guess I feel a bit nervous having someone care about me and I don't want to hurt her in the long run. Again, I like being in a relationship with her, but I just don't think I'll be with her 3, 4, or 6 months down the road. (She is graduating from grad school). So I was wondering what I should do...I already mentioned to her how I might not feel for her as strongly as she felt for me, which didn't go over so well. (Understandably) Right now, we're sort of in a "wait and see" period.

 

So is it better to end a relationship that you think might end anyway, or should I just shut up, enjoy it, and whatever happens happens? My reason for saying something now was that I didn't want her to be deeply hurt in the long run. But I guess the very fact of being in a relationship with someone means there is a chance of being hurt. It's what you risk to gain the reward of being close to someone. I hope this is a good description of my situation. Thanks for your help. Matt

Matt, I think you know the answer to your situation. Of course you want to give it a chance and see what happens. It would be much easier to live with yourself if you knew that you tried and failed than if you didn't try at all and wondered for the rest of you life if you made a mistake.

[Sula]

I disagree!

 

This woman feels something for you, yes? Something that is obviously a little more intense than you feel. I have always thought that you either feel those deep emotions for someone or you don't. If you don't, you should care enough about her to release her so that she can heal and find someone who CAN reciprocate those emotions.

 

Love is a complex thing. For me, I had never felt love before my fiance. I didn't understand it, I didn't believe it existed at all. I thought marriage was about mutual obligation and lust, and perhaps tradition! I opened my eyes to myself with my finace. I looked inside and I felt complete. I felt as if with him by my side, I could face anything. He is my knight in shining armor. So...that is love, for me. If you do not feel this, you need to let her go find it. And perhaps in the process, you will find it, too?

 

Good luck.

[Shirley]

Hello, I'd greatly appriciate some advice about my situation: I have been going out with this girl for about two months now. I am 24 and she is 23. I enjoy dating her but recently I have begun to feel that she has much stronger feelings about me than I do about her. I am attracted to her, but I don't think I feel stronger than that. I don't think I have ever loved someone I have dated, at least not what I think love is anyway. I guess I feel a bit nervous having someone care about me and I don't want to hurt her in the long run. Again, I like being in a relationship with her, but I just don't think I'll be with her 3, 4, or 6 months down the road. (She is graduating from grad school). So I was wondering what I should do...I already mentioned to her how I might not feel for her as strongly as she felt for me, which didn't go over so well. (Understandably) Right now, we're sort of in a "wait and see" period.

 

So is it better to end a relationship that you think might end anyway, or should I just shut up, enjoy it, and whatever happens happens? My reason for saying something now was that I didn't want her to be deeply hurt in the long run. But I guess the very fact of being in a relationship with someone means there is a chance of being hurt. It's what you risk to gain the reward of being close to someone. I hope this is a good description of my situation. Thanks for your help. Matt

Hi Matt,

 

If you have already told her that you don't feel the same as she does, then there's nothing more that you can do. And don't stop seeing her just because you might hurt her. If you like going out with her, then keep doing it. And stop when you want to. She has to decide if it's worth it or not. Nobody can pressure anyone else into feeling something they don't feel. Being open about how you feel can't hurt anyone. We all have our own feelings, and are entitled to have our own feelings.