win him back (guys opinion?)

[fixthis]

I'll try to keep this short, and I'd like to hear form other men to get a male persepective if possible.

 

I have been dating a wonderful man for about 4 months now. We are great together, but we are both busy people that don't get to see each other much. This past week-end he was away and I was out and ran into one of his friends. We chatted a little and danced a little towards the end of the night. My friends disappeared and I had no cash to get home by cab. So his friend saw me home and I invuted him in innocently thinking he'd stay for a bit then leave. Needless to say I was drunk and passed out as soon as I got home, and woke up the next morning with his friend in my bed. We were on opposite sides of the bed and fully clothed except his shirt as off. He basically left quickly, and decided to tell my boyfriend that his friend crashed at my place and in my bed. He flipped out, and basically broke up with me. Said the fact that I invited him back and had him in my bed was disrespectful enough and he didn't want to be with someone like me.

 

I don't feel I did anything wrong although I should have not put myself in the situation, and I'm sorry for hurting him by doing so. I've told him this already and he just kept saying nothing I saw will change his mind. What should I do? How long should I wait to contact him? We have not talked in 2 days since the original discussion. I do think this relationship is worth the fight, are there things I can do specifically to win him back?

[Just A Girl2]

Well, this relationship may be "worth the fight" to you, but that doesn't mean it is to him.

 

There seems to be a rash here lately, of women posting about ending up really drunk and doing stupid things, or things that upset their significant others (and rightly so) and cause the end of the relationship.

 

Why do you gals put yourself in such precarious situations? Getting drunk out of your mind, then not being responsible enough to ensure before going out that night that you have enough money to get a taxi home in need be, then accepting a ride (while drunk, and obviously vulnerable) from someone you likely don't know all that well, then inviting that same guy back to your place. HELLO?? Think about it. The guy most likely thought you were 'interested'...and you're damn lucky he didn't try anything. Many a woman has ended up beaten to a pulp and/or raped in a situation like this.

 

Sorry, but I don't blame your ex b/f. He's seen that you don't use very good judgment, especially when he's not around.

 

I think you should just accept his decision to end things, learn from this lapse in judgment and leave him to find someone who can conduct themself in public in such a way that they don't end up in bed with their partner's friend.

[Tony T]

1. "What should I do?"

 

Find a new boyfriend and drink less. I know this was an innocent mistake but perceptions are everything. I'm not very sure that even me, a very forgiving person, would want a lady in my life after I learned something like this had happened.

2. "How long should I wait to contact him?"

 

You don't need to contact him. If any of his stuff is at your place, he will call you to have someone pick it up for him.

 

3. "We have not talked in 2 days since the original discussion. I do think this relationship is worth the fight, are there things I can do specifically to win him back?"

 

You may think it's worth the fight but look at it from his vantage point. He's not going to really want to consider continuing a relationship with someone who would sleep the night with his friend, no matter what did or didn't happen. I would think if he thought this was so awful, he would ditch this "friend" too.

 

You are learning that words and actions have consequences in every case. There's a slight chance he may reconsider but don't count on it. What happened was obviously very hurtful to him. And understand it was with a friend of his, however innocent, and that worsens the hurt.

[Clancy]

I'm going to come out a little more positively because I believe that it is possible that your boyfriend can get over this hurt. You will have to keep apologizing for this for a long time though. You must recognize now that you did something very stupid and disloyal. Because of this your boyfreind feels hurt, humiliated (men feel ashamed when their women cheat on them), confused, and fearful.

 

Those are just some of the emotions and thoughts he's dealing with. You have attacked his manhood through your actions, he feels in a profound way that his weakness allowed you to come under another man's power. This causes him doubt and insecurity and makes him want to avoid the thing that is causing these scary and hurtful sensations: You

 

On your side it will help him to keep hearing from you that nothing more serious happenned, that you now understand how incredibly stupid your actions were, and that nothing like this will ever happen again. Like I said, keep apologizing and you may have to keep apologizing for weeks, even a month or more (this depends of course on how badly you want him back). Send flowers. Often (yes men like flowers too.)

 

Write letters, send cards. Keep the pressure on. After a while stop mentioning the bad things and focus on how wonderful you think he is. Build him up. Don't go on about how you can't live without him. Instead compliment him a great deal and focus on how great things will be, how devoted you'll be etc. if he'd give you a new chance and see you one more time.

 

At some point he'll either give in and offer you an opening or, after a month of this you'll know that it's over. If all this seems too much then it is for you. If not, keep in mind that men have forgiven much, much worse from their women.

[yagottahelp]

I am kind of in the same situation.......I was in a situation with a random girl who I had just met and totally thought of as just a friend, when one day, i'm sitting talking and turn around, she kisses me- I was like woah, and ended it very quickly. Well gf found out from someone else before me (I was torn on whether to tell her during finals week or right after-either way I knew I was screwed) and shut me down totally-slowly she seems to be getting over it, we aren't together, but everyday there's a little more hope- I compare her feelings towards me when it happened (complete anger, not attracted anymore), compared to today (have a ton of fun, flirty, wants to hangout all the time), they are night and day-

 

Time heals as they say, the only questions is will it heal his hurt and get back together with you, or will it heal his heart and move on.......