Am I just a rebound?

[thatsme123]

I have been with my new boyfriend for just over a month now. We're both seniors in college, we went to high school together but just recently reconnected. He has had 4 girlfriends, I have had 1 boyfriend. I'm a very jealous person by nature, and this whole situation isn't helping. He stays friends with his ex-girlfriends. His first one he dated for 3 years in high school. He described her as "a sister." She doesn't seem like a threat to me. However, I feel a lot of threat from his most recent ex-girlfriend. They broke up in August, however, they were seeing each other, physically and emotionally, up until the end of November/beginning of December. He claims the break-up was amicable and she got over him quicker than he got over her.

 

He told me the passwords to his e-mail and Facebook and said that he doesn't care what I read because he has nothing to hide. I found tons of e-mails from right before we met (in the end of December) about how much he misses her, how badly he wants her, how much they belong together and how he wants it to be like it was. I understand that this is his past, and it has nothing to do with me. However, I find it really hard because I feel like a complete rebound. He says that yes, he did have feelings for her up until the day we met and even a few days after, but I completely changed that for him and that I'm the one he wants now.

 

The worst part about this whole situation is that I feel I have to check his e-mail and Facebook obsessively now to see if she's contacting him. However, I can't see his IMs, and I know she IMs him. I feel so out of control and I can't help my jealousy! It's driving me crazy. What a bad way to start out a relationship.

 

I can't help these feelings, they hurt so bad. I can't stand the thought of him being friends with her. He wanted her before, what makes me think he won't want her now? She has a boyfriend who she has been going out with the same amount of time we have been going out, but I'm worried...what if they break up, and then he realizes he still has feelings for her? I don't want to get hurt. We're both really into each other, it's very passionate, but I can't stand that he wants to be friends with this girl that he JUST recently got over (according to him). Am I just his rebound girl?

Edited February 3, 2008 by thatsme123

[JosieMcCoy]

I think you are just his one-of-many girls.

College is weird. It's when people meet many people.

I would save yourself the hassle and heartache and just focus on school and be friends with him.

Jealousy is tough with me too, and this would drive me NUTS!!!

He's not going to stop if you are around unless he says so. And if you happened to MAKE him stop, well, he will probably resent you for it and neither of you is going to have a good time!

 

Cheers!

[oppath]

You may or may not be a rebound. I'd be cautious and I'd tell him that you don't feel it is appropriate to hang out with an ex unless you can be there too. Nix them hanging out. Mostly, I'd give it another month or so, and I'd keep an eye out to make sure he talks to her less often, etc. If he's truly available, he'll only talk to her briefly every few weeks. If he is talking to her every day, he is not making room for a new person. Over the next month, observe that he is making room for you by talking to her and about her less.

[niceconfusedgirl]

this is tough. but its best to just ask him about it. i know it sounds dumb. but if you ask him and later find out he lied, then you would have no qualms about leaving him. anyways, the best way to know if you are a rebound girl or not is to have sex. of course that means you would have to start all over, but for future reference wait a while before you become physical.