a basic Relationship Question.

[padder83]

heya all! im new here & happy to find such a place to discuss things relationship related. i am in my own situation which i will post more about in the future but just to say hello and start talking, im wondering what everones view is on being with a partner is?

what i mean is, were all growing as people, from day to day, through our ups and downs, work, family, parents gettin older, friends going away etc,....

how do ye all feel about being with someone, is it to have a life partner?

 

is it someone to care for us or are we better off trying to realise who we are before getting involved in relationships when both ourselves and the other half have growing up to do,.. i do believe its possible to grow with someone and be happy , as its also possible to contract with them and be unhappy, but dose this mean a relationship is always fluctuating and if not its dead?

the thing im tryin to say is are we humans instinctively looking for a partner or are we looking for ourselves in someone else??

 

any views on the idea of this are welcome, im not making any particular point here im just wondering what everyone feels their own personal philosophy is as we all will have different views on it

thanks for reading

take care,Pad

[Never_Sure]

Well, since you've been so kind as to respond to two of my posts, I thought I would respond to yours!

 

LOL, philosophy is my favorite subject, so I am glad to discuss it (even if this particular question is one of a more subjective/relative topic).

 

Well, it seems to me that people are always growing (either in good, or bad ways), and when you are in a relationship, you can either grow together, or grow apart. Either way, both people are growing. However, I have come arcoss the occasion person who is exactly the same at 20 as they were at 14. LOL, but that is rare.

 

As far as whether we should work on ourselves before getting involeved with a significant other, I think the answer is yes. Of course, there is that old addage: you must love yourself before you can love others. I think that is true to a degree: if you don't love yourself, how do you expect others to love you? We must work on ourselves before we can focus on others.

 

I agree that we look for something missing in ourselves when we look for a significant other. I mean, in order to be completed as a human being, we want to have all traits acconted for, even those we ourselves don't possess. So, we look elsewhere for these traits, which is why "opposites attract." However, there must be some commonality as well in order for two people to stay together, such a common interest.

 

That is just my two cents. What do you think?

[padder83]

yes i agree with what uv siad& i think you expressed it(and said what i was trying to say) very well. im tryin to work on being a better all round person, im starting to appriciate my parents more and maybe what we call the simple things in life,

 

i agree that people are bonded by sometimes common life-goals, say for instance people of a simular educated or simular ethinic/moral background, &even religion plays a big part in who we go out with.

 

i guess i find this idea interesting, the idea that one mite aspire to be with someone as a lifepartner, i mean we sometimes drop friends who weve known for years or sometimes leave work for someting tottally different, people even change their religious beliefs at times, i think its interesting that marraige can bind people and offer so much but at the same time its not easy to walk away from.

yes i think were looking for validation maybe?is that it,....validation from another person....and this jus happens to be expressed in the bond of marrage?

they should invent a new type of marraige a mental marraige where u marry some1s mind,...someone else can have the body! hehe

[quankanne]

having a life partner in a committed relationship is to be with someone who challenges me to grow but who is committedly loyal to what we have, and I hope to be the same for him throughout our marriage.

 

I do believe certain things are best done before hooking up with someone in this manner: Sow your oats, get your goals well underway (college and career in my case) and learn to live on your own so that those things don't plague you later when you're dissatisfied with your partner for some reason, and you're just looking for something to fling at them for being the "cause of your unhappiness."

 

I see my husband as my "other," as the person who completes me like no other has, be they friends or former loves ... he's the one who makes me strive to be a better person even when I want to stab him in the head with a spork because he's making me nuts. He's the one who helps me strive to be more, you know? But I think I'm able to think along these lines because I've established me, and my quankness long before we took the plunge, so I'm not "looking" for myself, I'm not trying to find my happiness through him, I'm just able to share with him the blessings I've received.

 

as a whole, I think this is what the human person desires: Someone who complements them in every sense of the word, who completes them in a way that no other can, but before we can ask them to assume that role, we MUST reach a certain level of maturity so that the relationship can be truly a give-and-take one, instead of unrealistic because we think that other person is going to solve all our problems.

[whichwayisup]

even when I want to stab him in the head with a spork because he's making me nuts.

 

LOL! I can relate to that one. Sometimes I sit there, looking at him, hearing his nose whistle and I think to myself "OMG, this is the rest of my life......" Pass the fork, please! Oops, I mean spork!

 

Great post!