Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 and I don't want it. But I value the friendship and like the emotional bond that we have. He wants me to be his lover. Can we remain friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 Thats up for you and him to decide. It may be too awkward for him to remain friends or he may be able to look past it. How long have the two of you been friends? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 and I don't want it. But I value the friendship and like the emotional bond that we have. He wants me to be his lover. Can we remain friends? Probably many male-female friendships have one party wanting to be "more than friends" but holding back because the other doesn't, so it can work - depending on how brutal the conversation was where you turned him down. If his pride took a blow, it may not recover. If he was too pushy, you may not trust him. I've had several male friends wanting to "take the friendship further", but I explained to them that while I considered lovers disposable, to me a friend was for life, and I loved and valued them and didn't want to lose that, and that to me it wasn't a case of "just friends", friends were what I prized above all. They're all still friends, as close as ever. It's possible. If the connection you have is strong enough to overcome the awkwardness. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 Just limit it to oral. Or outercourse, or something. Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 Why would you even contemplate having sex with somebody when you said you clearly don't want it? Also I thought in another thread, you are waiting for your abusive partner to move out of the house. I apologise if I have this wrong. This is not a good time to start a sexual relationship with anyone even if you are hot for your new friend, let alone somebody you DON'T want to have sex with. I think you are risking the friendship to keep him happy. Not a good compromise. It's a volatile and emotionally confusing time. Take it from somebody who learned the hard way, take your time and get your life well and truly separated from your partner's before getting involved with anybody else. If nothing else, you may hurt somebody else if you're not ready, and you don't know you're not ready until you've dived in. I truly believe now that if you have been in a full-time committed relationship (mine was abusive too) it takes a good 18 months to 2 years to get yourself into a place that has cut the ties that bind and get out of old patterns and unclear thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 Why would you even contemplate having sex with somebody when you said you clearly don't want it? She wasn't - that was Nemo's suggestion. Blue's question was whether it was possible to remain friends, given that he wants sex and she doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 My friend wants to be my lover.... and I don't want it. ?? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 My friend wants to be my lover.... and I don't want it. ?? and I don't want it. But I value the friendship and like the emotional bond that we have. He wants me to be his lover. Can we remain friends? Friend wants sex. Blue wants friendship. Blue asks, is friendship still possible since friend wants sex. Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 So if she doesn't want it, why is she even compromising herself? If she is from the abusive relationship I mentioned before (apologise profusely if I have this wrong) - here is a perfect example of her not having moved past that mindset yet. What he wants is more important than what I want. Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 OK, I see where you are coming from. I read her post in a totally different way. It is ambiguous. Link to post Share on other sites
Politico Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 and I don't want it. But I value the friendship and like the emotional bond that we have. He wants me to be his lover. Can we remain friends? He wants it. You don't. BUT you value friendship and emotional bond. So is that a yes or a no as to whether or not you're willing to give him what he wants? Is it "Can we remain friends?" if you do or can you if you don't? BEB, if continued friendship is contingent upon sex then it's perhaps not as strong as you thought it was. If it is that strong then it should be able to withstand your being honest with him and true to yourself. By the way, who can blame him? Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 Sex is a great way to take a friendship to a deeper level. And then you become best friends, or something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Can we remain friends? Short answer: No. Knowing what you know, probably not fair to either one of you. You'll feel the tension and he'll be frustrated by wanting more... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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