PinkRibbon Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 (edited) Well I broke NC today and it felt good. I finally wrote the butt head and told him that it has been 2 months since we have talked about the divorce and we need to get it going and finished. I want to move across country and would like to have it done before I go. That lets be adults and discuss this (not at work) and finalize the plans and get arrangements with the lawyers. He has ignored this for 4 months and I am finally ready to move one and make a life hopefully one day with someone new. That when I leave here I want to be done with us and he can put me behind him like I never happened. I am not asking you back but would rather move forward in my life. And my daughter needs a stable, reliable, loving father figure to replace you in her life and I can't have that hanging on to you. Well 1 minute later I got an email from him saying he will email me tomorrow with a day. He thinks Tuesday or Wednesday would be best. So I said that is fine with me. And isn't he glad he can finally be done with this? He emailed and said we can talk in person and he'll let me know tomorrow and we can pick a comfortable place for us to meet. I said we don't havev to meet in person we can discuss the details through the IM. And then no email from him. I know I shouldn't have broken contact but I have stayed quiet for 4 months and have run away from the situation because of his insistance well I am tired of running and hiding. He is going to have to face this head on and deal with it. He left me and I am not some cheeky little college twit he can dump after one night. He owes me money on the house and he is going to pay it so I can leave here. So was it wrong??? I mean I feel good because I finally faced the fear of the divorce and said I am ready to divorce. Now he wants to meet in person?? I don't know if I am ready to meet in person. I thought maybe we could do this IM and be done with it. So when he emails tomorrow should I jump right on the mail or wait a day to answer? Any idea what is going to happen next? Edited February 3, 2008 by PinkRibbon Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 And my daughter needs a stable, reliable, loving father figure to replace you in her life and I can't have that hanging on to you. Is it his daughter also? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 I don't think that NC is appropriate where there are children involved. If contact is solely for the purpose of negotiating access arrangements, finalising the divorce and any outstanding matrimonial issues, then it is the right thing to do. You went NC for 4 months which must have helped you detach and adjust to your new life. That was very good. I am surprised that he did not enquire about his daughter during the 4 months! Is he likely to maintain contact with her? Your daughter needs both you and her father in her life. Will you encourage him to take an active parenting role in her life? Be the bigger person and help him realise his parental responsibilities. Take care Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 No she is my daughter and his step daughter. He has been with her for 6 years and she really counted on him as being permanent in her life. Really has bothered her he hasn't spoken to her since we split up. I am just not ready or really want to see him in person. So I think I will just say we can finalize all details through email. I am ready to move on and honestly can't sit and look at the cheater. So I guess when he emails I will wait a little bit then say we can discuss this through emails. Link to post Share on other sites
base618 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 I would suggest everything through IM. If you're going back and forth through email, you have the ability to calm down, read what you're about to say, and not get too emotional. If you're sitting across from him, you don't have a chance to think about your responses. Also, if you're discussing finances, the email is a record of it. He can say anything he wants to your face, but doesn't mean much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 Good ideas. I didn't think about the email being a record of everything he says. Also I didn't think about being able to calm down before an email. very good points!! Thanks abunch! Link to post Share on other sites
base618 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 If me and the STBXW are having an email conversation that is starting to get nasty, I wait an hour between writing the email and sending it. It slows down the argument which helps, and more importantly, 95% of the time I end up not sending the email and re-writing it when I've calmed down. But... 5% of the time I'm 'really' pissed and I hit send, oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 I am waiting for the email. I wonder what is taking so long? Maybe he is not thinking about it at all and I am waiting for the email to get this started. Criminy really bugs me. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts