onmyownagain Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 (edited) Hi, I am in the UK and wife and I have recently split. Not sure how much money to give her. The child support agency website say about £32 pw but we have a mortgage etc. on our home and she wont sell. Would it be wrong to just give her money for our child or should I try to give her more to help with house etc? Money is going to be very tight for me now anyway but will be really bad if I give her more. I think if she applies for ancillary relief and the judge says I will have to give her more it still doesn't kick in until decree nisi, which will be in a couple of years because there are no grouds for a quick divorce. If we sold the property we could pay off the mortgage and have about £80K+ to share between us. Edited February 4, 2008 by onmyownagain Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 As little as you can legally get away with. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Phone the CSA, give them the details of your earnings and then let them tell you how much child support you need to pay. My husband pays more than £32 per week for his son. How many children do you have? If you don't pay what the CSA suggest is the best amount, you'll only be leaving yourself liable to pay more later to make up difference. Yes we all know the CSA is crap, but there's always that chance it will be YOU they catch up with. The amount also varies according to how often you have your child overnight and also if you have any other children - which I'm guessing you don't. https://secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/calculate-maintenance.asp With regards to additional payments towards the house etc. what is your legal advice concerning this? If you haven't already taken advice, I would make sure you do. To my knowledge you would be best trying to support her as best as you can. It will show you in a positive light. Also if your exw can't afford to pay the mortgage, surely you'd both loose out in the end? Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 As little as you can legally get away with. Your advise is warped. You are assuming she cheated/walking away simply because she is a woman. GET HELP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 Phone the CSA, give them the details of your earnings and then let them tell you how much child support you need to pay. My husband pays more than £32 per week for his son. How many children do you have? If you don't pay what the CSA suggest is the best amount, you'll only be leaving yourself liable to pay more later to make up difference. Yes we all know the CSA is crap, but there's always that chance it will be YOU they catch up with. The amount also varies according to how often you have your child overnight and also if you have any other children - which I'm guessing you don't. https://secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/calculate-maintenance.asp With regards to additional payments towards the house etc. what is your legal advice concerning this? If you haven't already taken advice, I would make sure you do. To my knowledge you would be best trying to support her as best as you can. It will show you in a positive light. Also if your exw can't afford to pay the mortgage, surely you'd both loose out in the end? Hi, I got the £32 from the CSA website. We are sharing custody 50/50. ie. one week with me then one week with her mother. I can pay more than that but potentially would be leaving myself very short, need to rebuild my life and get a social life again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 Phone the CSA, give them the details of your earnings and then let them tell you how much child support you need to pay. My husband pays more than £32 per week for his son. How many children do you have? If you don't pay what the CSA suggest is the best amount, you'll only be leaving yourself liable to pay more later to make up difference. Yes we all know the CSA is crap, but there's always that chance it will be YOU they catch up with. The amount also varies according to how often you have your child overnight and also if you have any other children - which I'm guessing you don't. https://secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/calculate-maintenance.asp With regards to additional payments towards the house etc. what is your legal advice concerning this? If you haven't already taken advice, I would make sure you do. To my knowledge you would be best trying to support her as best as you can. It will show you in a positive light. Also if your exw can't afford to pay the mortgage, surely you'd both loose out in the end? Hi, I got the £32 from the CSA website. We are sharing custody 50/50. ie. one week with me then one week with her mother. I can pay more than that but potentially would be leaving myself very short, need to rebuild my life and get a social life again. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Your advise is warped. You are assuming she cheated/walking away simply because she is a woman. GET HELP. I'm sorry but I just don't see why a man should have to pay through the nose just because his wife wakes up one day and decides she wants him out. That is why I tell him to do the bare legal minimum. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 (edited) Hi, I got the £32 from the CSA website. We are sharing custody 50/50. ie. one week with me then one week with her mother. I can pay more than that but potentially would be leaving myself very short, need to rebuild my life and get a social life again. Ok, well it's good that you have 50/50 custody. The lower amount is due to the custody arrangement. And of course that custody arrangement will require that you also have a decent place to house your child during the time you have them. So that all seems fair. From what I can work out, you have a fairly decent wage, but one can understand how you will struggle to pay for two houses. As I said, I think this one is for legal advice. Without knowing all the facts/figures it's hard to make judgements, and even with them, it wouldn't be my place to say! Of course you will need to rebuild your life and have a social life again. However, bottom line is your child needs to be happy - however that effects your pocket. If I work it out correctly you're taking home around £2100-2200 per month. You'll only be paying around £144 per month CS. Dependant on your other living costs/debts you shouldn't be too badly off. Edited February 4, 2008 by littlekitty Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 i'm with woogle. while i'm all 4 him supporting his child.why would he even think to help support (w/o court order)her? " here honey,even though you threw me out,have this extra $$ while i eat beans" Link to post Share on other sites
sadhubby Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 maybe if divorce were more fair to men there wouldnt be as much divorce i wonder ? i know lots of dudes eating beans while wifes are livin it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Especially when the custody is 50/50 like with the OP and she keeps the house. He shouldn't have to pay anything imo. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 More men need to fight for it because more and more men are making out good when they refuse to be walked all over in family court. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 That is really funny, I must have completely missed where he said his wife was such a bitch and decided out of nowhere to leave him. Hmn must get my eyes checked. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 he never said his wife was a bitch,or said she was running around on him."BUT" explain to me why a man should continue to pay on a house he is not living in. when he has the child 50% of the time,and has to pay for his own living quarters. whats wrong with her taking responsibilty for her own actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 he never said his wife was a bitch,or said she was running around on him."BUT" explain to me why a man should continue to pay on a house he is not living in. when he has the child 50% of the time,and has to pay for his own living quarters. whats wrong with her taking responsibilty for her own actions. I believe that they should pay equally for the upbringing of the child. I never said it was fair. I have no issue with the OP, I completely sympathise with him and believe she should sell the house so they can both have that money to start their separate lives. But I take issue with the generalisations others are making because of their own experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 (edited) he never said his wife was a bitch,or said she was running around on him."BUT" explain to me why a man should continue to pay on a house he is not living in. when he has the child 50% of the time,and has to pay for his own living quarters. whats wrong with her taking responsibilty for her own actions. They are NOT divorced and are only separated.. they are still married and he still has a responsibility to his wife and his child still.. Why would you think that separating from your wife and child means that you can just not hold up your end of your obligations and responsibilities ? His child is in the care of her.. he should pay.. I would, and most guys would.. for the child..for the mother of my child yes.. Edited February 5, 2008 by Art_Critic Link to post Share on other sites
padder83 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 maybe help her out with getting the ancillary relief (no doubt she'll need you to fill out forms n stuff, and if she dosnt drive and you do that would be a help) then when she gets set up ull be able to honesly ask her dose she need any more than the stated ammount of child support, its goin to be hard for you also so maybe if your still talking she will know that she cant expect lots of cash from you, the housing market isnt the best at the moment maybe see if it picks up before selling> or get a tennant? handy cash! Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 if you really want to split hairs here,he shouldn't even have to pay child support,if he truely has the child 50% of the time. were is it wroten that he should pay 100% of child care? as far as the negetive feed back,why i think it's just men expressing themselves after getting the royal shaft by our system Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 if you really want to split hairs here,he shouldn't even have to pay child support,if he truely has the child 50% of the time. were is it wroten that he should pay 100% of child care? as far as the negetive feed back,why i think it's just men expressing themselves after getting the royal shaft by our system I don't know where it is wroten, but I assume it is written somewhere If he earns a higher salary then her, then yes he should have to pay child support. It is not about the mother, it is about the child having an acceptable upbringing. Having a father refuse to contribute any money towards your upbringing, education etc does make one feel like a heap of ****. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 Hi Everyone, Thanks for the feedback. Can I just say, she isn't a bitch and she didn't kick me out or screw around behind my back. We just reached a point where we just couldn't get along any more and I left for both of us. I do earn quite a bit more than her and would like to be able to give her enough to cover the mortgage but the trouble is there just isn't enough money on my side to be able to do this. My rent alone is £800 pm. She doesn't want to sell the house because she knows she couldn't get a mortgage alone, but if she just looked at this sensibly she would realise she wont actually get to keep the house anyway. As soon as my daughter leaves school in 7 years ish she would have to sell then anyway. Selling now would release a lot of equity to both of us but think she just needs more time to see this. Seems to be really bitter now but I guess this is her way of coping. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 They are NOT divorced and are only separated.. they are still married and he still has a responsibility to his wife and his child still.. Why would you think that separating from your wife and child means that you can just not hold up your end of your obligations and responsibilities ? His child is in the care of her.. he should pay.. I would, and most guys would.. for the child..for the mother of my child yes.. Thank god for men like Art, my husband, and onmyownagain. People who actually believe in putting their children before everything! Hi Everyone, Thanks for the feedback. Can I just say, she isn't a bitch and she didn't kick me out or screw around behind my back. We just reached a point where we just couldn't get along any more and I left for both of us. I do earn quite a bit more than her and would like to be able to give her enough to cover the mortgage but the trouble is there just isn't enough money on my side to be able to do this. My rent alone is £800 pm. She doesn't want to sell the house because she knows she couldn't get a mortgage alone, but if she just looked at this sensibly she would realise she wont actually get to keep the house anyway. As soon as my daughter leaves school in 7 years ish she would have to sell then anyway. Selling now would release a lot of equity to both of us but think she just needs more time to see this. Seems to be really bitter now but I guess this is her way of coping. I tend to agree that going forward selling the house is going to be the best bet for both of you really. Perhaps at this stage she doesn't want that upheaval for either herself or your daughter? It might be kindest to let your daughter adjust for a while in her 'own' home before moving on to selling it. Just take the time to let her know the situation and that you unfortunately can't afford to pay half of the mortgage and your own rent. You sound like a good man, and I'm sure you'll do your best by all of you. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 They are NOT divorced and are only separated.. they are still married and he still has a responsibility to his wife and his child still.. Why would you think that separating from your wife and child means that you can just not hold up your end of your obligations and responsibilities ? His child is in the care of her.. he should pay.. I would, and most guys would.. for the child..for the mother of my child yes.. I think this is the best advice. Maybe with some time your wife will be able to come to terms with selling the house. On the other hand if she is really worried about getting her own mortgage maybe you could cut a deal with her where she keeps the house and your monthly obligation is then greatly reduced. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I believe that they should pay equally for the upbringing of the child. I never said it was fair. I have no issue with the OP, I completely sympathise with him and believe she should sell the house so they can both have that money to start their separate lives. But I take issue with the generalisations others are making because of their own experiences. Amen Coco! His wife didn't cheat. She didn't walk away. I don't know if they tried therapy for their arguing or not. If the OP was the wife and did this to some of the male posters on here, I wonder how they would handle the house situation. It sounds to me like she is not co-opporating out of anger for him leaving. Perhaps OP recognizes his choice and that is what is making him feel more obligated to help her monetarily? If she didn't choose this of course she isn't going to want her life turned upside down and have to move to a smaller living situation. Link to post Share on other sites
saddad1 Posted February 15, 2008 Share Posted February 15, 2008 I might be missing the mark with this as its just my opinion on what I know about the CSA and how they work but for the CSA to make an assessment one parent must be regarded as being "absent" and the other regarded as the "residing" parent. If your daughter really lives with you both 50/50 then the CSA shouldnt get involved - they have no criteria to class either of you above the other as a residing parent. Either they dont get involved at all or they technically should class you both as "residing" parents and make assessments on you both (which would be stupid obviously having the both of you pay each other for upkeep!) The mortgage situation is the most difficult, I know cos Im goin through the same thing. I dont want to have to sell my kids home - they live with their mum; but theres a lot of equity in it and she dumped me so its slightly different. If it was an amicable split I'd probably do what I could to let her keep the house until the kids were 18. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted February 15, 2008 Author Share Posted February 15, 2008 Going to leave it for now saddad1. I am thinking if she can afford it mainly on her own for now then when it comes to the divorce I will let her have it if I can be off the mortgage, keep my pension AND get a clean break. So I would still pay the child bit (if required) but nothing else and she keeps the equity. That way I can buy somewhere as well and everyone is a winner. Link to post Share on other sites
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