Jmina Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 If i am a happier person now, 9 months after the breakup, i'm stronger and wiser, and my mind and heart are much more open. I have worked through my anxieties and fears that i had developed and i feel i have just soared in terms of spiritual well being. I feel like i am a different person now, with a different life and i am really enjoying this stage of my life... ...So why do i miss my old life with my old partner - my best friend. We had so much fun and 'togetherness' I miss how we had our own little family. Me, Her and our two little puppies. I miss our partnership. When i have a quiet moment a lot of the time i find myself just missing what we had. If i am happy now why do i miss it? sometimes i feel like im comparing now to then and in reality now is much better, somewhere inside im not sure where its coming from yet wants my old life back. i think i would go back... even though i have gained so much. maybe i am having a weak moment, but i feel i need to get it off my chest and work through it. just talking about it should give me some direction and clarity. Some ideas on this? Thankyou Jmina Link to post Share on other sites
sandflea Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Everybody feels this way after a breakup. After my divorce I read a ton of books about relationships and breakups to try to get some clarity. I just wanted to know "why?". How did this happen? And, of course, I missed her so much. Part of recovery is transitioning from missing "them" to "then". I've read that when you start missing the "good old days" instead of "him or her" - it's a good sign. It means that you know what you had - the good part of it (somehow we block out the bad) - and you want that back. Of course, the best part of this new transition is that you CAN have that happy life back - but only by moving forward. Live the life of your dreams. Go out and get it... "The good old days weren't always good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems". Link to post Share on other sites
fabulousgal Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 maybe because what is known is more comfortable than the unknown? you long for the connection you KNOW you had with her rather than what you don't know may or may not happen in the future? it's the worst thing when the person you connected with is suddenly gone. it can envoke serious grief. you've done a great job on yourself, I remember when you first came here. you are very inspiring, and pretty based on your pic. She's a fool Jmina. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Everybody feels this way after a breakup. After my divorce I read a ton of books about relationships and breakups to try to get some clarity. I just wanted to know "why?". How did this happen? And, of course, I missed her so much. Part of recovery is transitioning from missing "them" to "then". I've read that when you start missing the "good old days" instead of "him or her" - it's a good sign. It means that you know what you had - the good part of it (somehow we block out the bad) - and you want that back. Of course, the best part of this new transition is that you CAN have that happy life back - but only by moving forward. Live the life of your dreams. Go out and get it... "The good old days weren't always good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems". great post sandflea. and congrats on 100 posts I couldn't possibly say it better then sandflea, but I think what you are feeling is healthy Jmina. Undoubtedly the two of you shared a lot of good times together and at one point in the healing process, it becomes important to recognize that. you loved someone, it was a beautiful thing. What I do at those moments is put on some happy love songs (dancing cheek to cheek, it had to be you, etc) to remember and honor love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 Thanks guys I still don't feel like ive hit the nail on the head though. Everything you said is definetely true! and i am missing 'then' more than 'them' and i think being aware of this is really good. thankyou sandflea! thankyou for your kind words fabulousgal! it really means a lot. kamille i think i have recogonized what we had in our relationship the whole time we have been apart. I have been aware that i have loved someone and i believe it has been recorded. I am grateful for the chance to love and be loved and i feel happy about it. something i didnt mention that i think i should def have mentioned is that i saw her profile on face book. i think that is def bring back some old feelings. im starting to make conscious effort to not look at it now. i dont need a hundred people lecturing about how bad it is to look at your ex's facebook/myspace as i am well aware. i found it (by mistake might i add ) messed up by looking at it, trying to find 'something' and now the novelty has worn off and it is time to cease any type of connection with her. even though its only looking at her face book. whhhhat aaaaaa experience. it is like it is never ending! Jmina xxx Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Same thing happened to me today - suddenly swamped with "missing" feelings. I feel like I would do anything to have it back the way it was, even though the way it was was a weird, long-distance, no-commitment "best-friendship". I'm desperately missing his deep, Germanic voice talking over me, on and on for hours about everything and nothing. I know what I'm missing isn't how I want my life to be. He sent me email yesterday that started "Hey sweet Jane...". It's the first time in months that he's said something endearing like that, and it's funny that he would do that AFTER I told him I don't want to talk to him. I know he wants to get back into limbo with me, and I just can't do that anymore. But right now I'm SO sad. It's weird because I've been pretty much fine all week, Link to post Share on other sites
sandflea Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 FabGal - you're right on. A part of it is just fear - the unknown, will I ever truly love again?, will I love THAT MUCH again? I have it on good authority that we will . Seriously! Jmina - you rock! You must know that... And you have such a kind, and wise, way about how you can appreciate the time you had. We never really loose anything. What was there to loose? A moment? I beat myself up about this - the whole attachment thing. Why oh why do we all get our expectations all in a bunch. I mean, isn't one kiss, one night enough?... but anyway. Jane - sweet Jane. Don't listen. The cowboy junkies said it best. Besides - he made the move. Remember... Anyone who's ever had a heart Wouldn't turn around and break it And anyone who's ever played a part Wouldn't turn around and hate it Link to post Share on other sites
sandflea Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 great post sandflea. and congrats on 100 posts I couldn't possibly say it better then sandflea, but I think what you are feeling is healthy Jmina. Undoubtedly the two of you shared a lot of good times together and at one point in the healing process, it becomes important to recognize that. you loved someone, it was a beautiful thing. What I do at those moments is put on some happy love songs (dancing cheek to cheek, it had to be you, etc) to remember and honor love. And thank you very much Kamille - I'm positively blushing (on the inside) . I say we all owe a salut to love as well. After all - Isn't that why we're here? If we didn't believe, then why bother? Warmish wishes from what is supposed to be a 75 degree day in Feb in VA tomorrow. Here's to an early Spring! Namaste SF Link to post Share on other sites
niceconfusedgirl Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 its normal for you to feel this way. don't worry about it you'll feel better soon:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 Anyone who's ever had a heart Wouldn't turn around and break it And anyone who's ever played a part Wouldn't turn around and hate it i wish i could believe you there sandflea... maybe time will tell. my ex is a wonderful person who loves everyone except for me! haha like i am some outcast that she cant accept. still think shel be back though. anyway i feel myself passing through the stage so on we go. xjminax Link to post Share on other sites
Haohmaru Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 I think you feel a longing for your old life because this whole "stronger wiser" thing is a load of hogwash. Just sayin. Being wiser is a matter of opinion. Being stronger has yet to be tested. But having sex, laughing, tickling, talking with someone else -- these things are tangible and real. Becoming "stronger and wiser" is a copout. What have you really gained? I know I'd much rather be arguing with my ex than happy by myself now. And I dumped HER. It's that stupid selfish human heart that only looks out for itself. That's why you want your old life back. Cuz it rocked. Mine did too. Even when the b$#%h was drunk jumping out of my moving car. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted February 6, 2008 Author Share Posted February 6, 2008 (edited) fair question. haohmaru lol... However in my case it definetely is not a load of hogwash. but we are all free to voice our opinions. If you have read my previous posts you would know how i am stronger and wiser. what have i gained? i think the question is what have i NOT gained! i got a grip on myself i can handle being alone now and i enjoy being alone i know what i like to do and i know what i want to do with my life now i can give others good advice because i have gained a lot of insight i have stepped up a level spiritually and my mind and heart are much more open i could go on haohmaru, but i really dont feel the need to explain myself to you. you can belive that it is a copout and be bitter about your experience. i however choose not to, and gain everything that i can. and i have. thanks for asking oh and actually my old life didnt rock. i was very unhappy and had a lot to learn. not to mentioned i was very sick - never want to go back there again either. Edited February 6, 2008 by Jmina Link to post Share on other sites
Haohmaru Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 I'm not bitter, I'm tart! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmina Posted February 6, 2008 Author Share Posted February 6, 2008 =) fine tart. Link to post Share on other sites
Haohmaru Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 fair question. haohmaru lol... i could go on haohmaru, but i really dont feel the need to explain myself to you. you can belive that it is a copout and be bitter about your experience. Sassy! Can I get some cheese crackers with that red wine? Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 fair question. haohmaru lol... However in my case it definetely is not a load of hogwash. but we are all free to voice our opinions. If you have read my previous posts you would know how i am stronger and wiser. what have i gained? i think the question is what have i NOT gained! i got a grip on myself i can handle being alone now and i enjoy being alone i know what i like to do and i know what i want to do with my life now i can give others good advice because i have gained a lot of insight i have stepped up a level spiritually and my mind and heart are much more open i could go on haohmaru, but i really dont feel the need to explain myself to you. you can belive that it is a copout and be bitter about your experience. i however choose not to, and gain everything that i can. and i have. thanks for asking oh and actually my old life didnt rock. i was very unhappy and had a lot to learn. not to mentioned i was very sick - never want to go back there again either. Jmina, hey <hugs> It's funny that you posted this because I've been going through the same sorts of feelings today. I actually don't want to go back to what I had and things are really very good for me now, but there is a part of me that yearns for the past. I find myself in a similar situation: I have grown more in the past 6 months than perhaps the last 20 years of my life. I have become wiser, stronger and more loving. Everyone around me has noticed these changes and has said so. When we have something so difficult happen to us it is our choice as to how we emerge from it: we can choose to grow and learn or we can choose to stagnate and become bitter, in fact we can even choose to pretend we're fine and find someone else to take the pain away for us. I wonder if on some level, when we feel we have come so far, if we are looking back wanting to share it with the person we felt so close to. I know that sometimes I have felt that everything I'm experiencing, all the incredible life-changing things that are going on for me ... well a part of me wants her to share that with me. I don't know J, but when I read your post I found that it clicked somewhere. I think I understand I'm a very lucky man right now though. I have met a wonderful woman and we're really good friends. We're going out on a date in a week or so and we'll see how things go. Funnily enough, the moment that things seem to be going well for me ... I hear from the ex Hope you are well, love and hugs! Link to post Share on other sites
Sanslatete Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Everybody feels this way after a breakup. After my divorce I read a ton of books about relationships and breakups to try to get some clarity. I just wanted to know "why?". How did this happen? And, of course, I missed her so much. I did much the same when I had my break up, filled my head with facts but my heart's still empty to this day. I guess it all depends on how much you loved the ex. I did a whole lot so I don't expect to be out of the woods any time soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Sanslatete Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 I'm a very lucky man right now though. I have met a wonderful woman and we're really good friends. We're going out on a date in a week or so and we'll see how things go. Funnily enough, the moment that things seem to be going well for me ... I hear from the ex Hi Matty mate, glad to hear things are on the up for you now, you deserve it my friend. Take care, Sans xx:D Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Hi Matty mate, glad to hear things are on the up for you now, you deserve it my friend. Take care, Sans xx:D Sans bro!! Thanks man, yeah well I deserve it as much as any of us Things are going well, but I'm cautious and I can't help feeling a little scared. I guess that's how it works. I hope all is well with you, how's it going? Link to post Share on other sites
Sanslatete Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 Glad things are going well for you Matty mate, I don't blame you for being cautious after all you've been through but I hope this time it's something that can heal your heart and restore your faith in relationships. I'm okay, got through the dreaded Christmas and New Year period by just keeping my head down and being busy. Nowadays I'm just concentrating on work and trying not to have too much free time to think too deeply, did enough of that last year! Fingers (and toes) crossed that 2008 is a better one for us both, and everyone else on LS? Take care, Sans xx Link to post Share on other sites
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