bassett_60 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I'm confused at the moment and wondered if anyone has insight to my situation. My on-off girlfriend of the past four years and I had a no contact period for the past 6 months but she's back in my life again. I just don't know how for how long. The problem is her reluctance to settle down with me. She has been married before and changed herself completely for her husband's sake. She moved to his country, learnt his language, converted to his religion and had two kids with him. She also participated heavily in his interests. They were married for seven years but she left him because he was too career-minded, she didn't see enough of him and was homesick. They were seperated for around a year when we began dating, she wanted him to divide his time between his country and hers, but he wouldn't compromise. They didn't want a divorce for their kids' sake. I fell for her and we had a great time together, travelling the world and having fun. I asked her to marry me after a year, but she turned me down, saying she wasn't ready to marry again. I was hurt, but I understood. I know she wanted to be independent after her marriage. She also never divorced her husband. They announced it and they had a religious divorce, but not a legal one and I know she hasn't pursed it since then. I thought she would in time, but she just never did. She still uses his surname too, but she says this is because of the kids. We broke up because I became frustrated at not being able to move our relationship forward and we were fighting a lot because of it. Neither of us have dated anyone seriously since, but I think my ex has had more contact with her ex-husband in that time and she has got back into the interests they shared during their marriage. I don't know if that's because she's still attached to her ex or simply because she wants to teach their kids about their roots. There's no question of them getting back together as they live thousands of miles apart but it does upset me, as it's clear her time with him has had a massive and continuing impact on her and I feel I come up short compared to her experience with him. That's why it shocked me when she returned to me three weeks ago. We are still talking about whether we have future together or not but I don't know what to do now. I'm not sure if she genuinely loves me but is wary because of her past or if she's playing me for a fool, that I was just a rebound. Anyone have any insight or comments? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Hi Mr. Rebound, how are you today? If she can't provide you some kind of comittment get rid of her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bassett_60 Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 I guess you're right. That's what we're working at now anyway. It's just that it's been four years (on and off, I know) but I'm not going to wait around much longer. I'm not getting any younger, for a start. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 You do not want to marry someone that is not ready. Either wait for her or move on if you are ready for the commitment. It's hard, but timing does play a part in lasting relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I guess you're right. That's what we're working at now anyway. It's just that it's been four years (on and off, I know) but I'm not going to wait around much longer. I'm not getting any younger, for a start. Honestly, I wouldnt give her even another second just based on her history. Why do you think she came back? What are the chances you are plan B? I think you should start actively searching for a woman that makes you the only plan! Just as you said... time is ticking... so why waste it on her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bassett_60 Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 Thanks for your replies. I wouldn't want to marry someone who really doesn't want to marry me anyway, but she does have a tendency to blow hot and cold on the subject of commitment. I gave her a lot of leeway on this in the past because she had been through a lot with the ending of her marriage, but after NC for months I won't put up with it now if these discussions don't lead anywhere. I need to know where I stand in her life. At the moment I feel like she's putting everyone and everything else before me, and a few hours here and there a week to talk isn't enough really. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 You judge a person by their actions and not by their words; and her actions are speaking volumes. It is time to stop wasting your time and your life. Link to post Share on other sites
LikesMeNot Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 (edited) If she loved you, she would have married you. You're wasting your time waiting for her to do something she should have done a long time ago. Enjoy life, meet new women, travel the globe, and do new things you always wanted to do. She is like an emotional weight, and right now, she's holding you down. Find someone who is more loyal. -LikesMeNot, Feb. 9, 2008 "You miss 100% of the shots you never make" -Wayne Gretzky Edited February 9, 2008 by LikesMeNot I had to Link to post Share on other sites
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