Leia.shelly Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I went out with a guy, and had a great time on every date. We kissed, held hands and generally had an amazing time. After the first date it took him a week to contact me back, and he apologized saying he really like me but felt things were going too fast and didn't know if he wanted a relationship. He insisted after that he liked me even after I told him its ok if he's not into me. Then after that we went on another date, in which he contacted me almost every day until the third meeting, which also went extremelly well, in which he was saying maybe he wants more than just a friendship. At that point he had me meet people that he is close with. Its been five days and he still hasn't contaced me back after the third date, and I am starting to wonder what happened. Am I over-analyzing this or what? Not sure what he is thinking, or if he is even worth thinking about. I know he works a whole heck of a lot and used to being a bachelor, and has been hurt before but there is a point when a women needs to follow the "he's just not interested" rule. And besides, how can you have a great three dates in which it seems like you are moving towards serious and then go to no contact? Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Good question. 2 months of great dates with my GF then everything slows to slow motion in one day. Advice would be to have him initiate contact for a few weeks. Answer the phone when he calls and text him back if he texts you but dont text him unless he texts you first. One thing Ive learned is there is nothing you can do. You've probably been good to him and done everything you can do. Its not you, its him. Give him the space he needs, I'm in the same boat with my GF. He is probably going through some things in his head, only he can deal with it. Be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I don't think you need to totally write him off yet, as he could be taking things slow, as he said. Also, you've only been on a few dates, and you're not exclusive, so he could actually be going on dates with other women. You should be dating others as well. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Or, he could be one of those guys who wants the woman to contact him at some point. Nothing wrong with sending him an email with a youtube clip you think he'd find funny and asking "what's up." I do sometimes hold back on contacting a woman after a few dates to test her interest in me because it's often been a reliable way of filtering out those I'm most compatible with. I wouldn't have waited 5 days, but I'd wait a couple just to see. Link to post Share on other sites
pisces fish Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 (edited) If you actually read the book He's Just Not that Into You, you wouldn't be so insecure as to ask him if he just wasn't that into you. No, confident women don't ask that question. You need to read that book. by telling him "If you're not that into me, just let me know" your insecurities were announced loud and clear to him. Men need a mental challenge and you just took that away. Also when he stated "things are going to fast for me, I don't want a relationship" that is your clue to say "OK, if that's how you feel." Then you are not by your phone when he does call and not jumping up at the moment he wants to go out again. You are definitely not initiating contact with him, you are out having fun and living your life. He won't call. Read the book, get your confidence back, be the goddess that you are and you will be ready for the next guy. Learning experience. OH, and also...a guy who waits a week to call after the first date really isn't that into you. Edited February 5, 2008 by pisces fish Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Well said Pisces. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Have you ever contacted him, anywhere in this whole process? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leia.shelly Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 I have read the book, and I didn't ask him, I told him hey that's fine if you are not into me, and he insisted he was and wanted to take things slow, so I gave him another chance. On the third date he asked me what if he wanted more than friends. I have really let him initiate things, if he wants to talk to me he will. I figure I will give it a week and then I am done. Sound right? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 from what I read here.. he's a player.. and I think you're not the only one being played... If I were you, I would not contact him anymore... if he was that interested he would definitely call ... I say be independant... Link to post Share on other sites
Saxis Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Sounds like he was showing much more interest after the second date. After 3 dates, is it really normal to expect him to do ALL the calling still? He's probably thinking the same thing about you, and getting ready to write it off... Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 You didn't answer whether you had ever contacted him, even once along the way, or whether you just expected him to do all the contacting. I can direct you to another thread where women seriously suggested that ignoring a man after one or more dates is a perfectly acceptable way of letting him know you are not interested. Maybe he's going on that philosophy. If you insist on playing it as a game, then you need to know what game you are playing. On the other hand, you could just ask, and talk about it. On the third date he asked me what if he wanted more than friends. What was your response? You are telling us everything about what he has done in isolation, and you aren't filling us in on what you have done; without knowing that, I'm starting to assume you are pretty passive, expecting him to do everything, and he is probably interpreting that as "she's just not much into me." Ironic, isn't it? I have really let him initiate things, if he wants to talk to me he will. I figure I will give it a week and then I am done. Sound right? What does your book tell you to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Oops...I didn't realize he did all the calling.. I thought you had called him too... but if you haven't ... then I say... he might think the same about you... Thanks Saxis... I re-read her post... it was a two-way thing... but now I realize it's not... Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Lizzie - I'm glad you followed that up... I was going to quote you to yourself: if he was that interested he would definitely call ... I say be independant... ...and say that someone might well have given him the same advice about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Lizzie - I'm glad you followed that up... I was going to quote you to yourself: ...and say that someone might well have given him the same advice about her. Yes I know.. I misssed that... we quote at the very same time... lol Link to post Share on other sites
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