ellie01 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Hi, I'm new to this site so bare with me I'm 24 and my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and the relationship has always been great. We used to live together in our home town then we both decided to move away for 2 years for my job. My boyfriend got a really great job half way through and he decided to stay on after our initial 2 years whilst I moved back home as a great job opportunity came up for me here, plus I wanted to be back with family and friends. My boyfriend only works in his job for 5 to 6 months of the year then is able to come back home. I'm really struggling with being apart. He wants to keep doing this for 5 years or so to be able to earn better money to set us up financially but I feel its such a long time to commit to being apart. I know it sounds stupid but I feel like I come second best to his job and lifestyle, then on the other hand its his life and he loves what he does so I don't want him to give up what he loves. I'm not sure if I should keep on going for the 5 years or give up what I'm doing to live to 'nomadic' life that he's living at the moment just to be together again?? Link to post Share on other sites
j_hunt_12 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Wow... hard choice. 5 years together?? I couldn't wait another 5... and I'm a guy. It's really up to you though... as unhelpful of advise it might be. It seems like it couldn't be that bad if it's only 5 months a year (and I really don't see how a job that is only 5 months a year would be the way to a finacially stable life), but I guess if you are really accustomed to each other, it could be a problem. You really need to try to work this out. You BOTH should really make sacrifices. If neither of you can do that, then maybe you should end the relationship; because it is not a priority... Which is OK!!!. This is the LDR side of the page so from my LDR, I'd say only consider an LDR if the relationship is REALLY important to you... you kind of have to be the "this is the only one for me" type, not the "I'll find the best one when I want to settle down" type. I'm impressed with the five years though, and I think something has to be there to last that long... I just think it is strange to wait ten years to get married, but I'm a more conservative type. If it were me, I'd move together permanently somewhere we both could get jobs at least one of us was stable and then get married... but I could care less where I live and I'm young (21) and stupid.. haha... peace and good luck Link to post Share on other sites
ohmy3 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Just my 2 cents worth, I find this far to long and odd, do you really want to play house like this for a total of 5 to 10 yrs. ? (take it day by day) , but don't place all your hope an dreams in 1 hand of cards that your dealt only 1/2 your hand and have to wait yrs. to gain all the full hand to make your play , lifes way to short.............. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 Well my decision would be based on the financial benefit of where it's best to be. If his job really is paying off, then he's doing the best he can to set you up for the rest of your lives. In which case you move to him. If you are both earning the same, then it seems neither of you want to compromise. Life's full of compromises, everything is a payoff. If you want to have children and be a stay at home mom, then he's doing the work now. If you want him to earn less so you can be together full time now, well maybe you'll have to keep working when you have kids. Which do you want it to be??? It all depends on what you are both working towards. Unless you were born wealthy, you have to face these compromises at all times. It's life!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ellie01 Posted February 6, 2008 Author Share Posted February 6, 2008 Hi Guys, Thanks for the input. This might explain it a bit more - he's a fisherman (thats why its seasonal) and he earns about 3 times the amount of money in those 5 months than i earn in a full year, but the disadvantages are that he is away out to sea a lot which means that if I moved, I'd still be by myself hence one of the reasons why I moved back to my home city the first time (10 hours away) so that at least I'd have some support base while he's away. Its a small country town so in my field of work it is very limited, but maybe worth a try?! He is "the one", we both feel it and have discussed it. He thinks I'm over-reacting as he's so confident that we'll be fine being apart for the fishing season, and I'd be fine if it were only for a year or two - five just seems too overwhelming. He sees this as an opportunity too good to miss while we don't have children etc that rely on us, and feels that if it makes me happier to be back with my family and friends and doing what i do then so be it, he says "It'll be fine, we're so strong, if anyone can do it we can!" It's really the time thing that is hard, i don't feel settled, and people around me in everyday life have such negative comments that are so frustrating!! -- do you guys get people like that?? So I think I've decided that I'll try and get by business up an running on the computer so I can basically work wherever - that's this years aim, and see how it goes. Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 He is "the one", we both feel it and have discussed it. He thinks I'm over-reacting as he's so confident that we'll be fine being apart for the fishing season, and I'd be fine if it were only for a year or two - five just seems too overwhelming. He sees this as an opportunity too good to miss while we don't have children etc that rely on us, and feels that if it makes me happier to be back with my family and friends and doing what i do then so be it, he says "It'll be fine, we're so strong, if anyone can do it we can!" Congratulations to the both of you for trying to find ways to build a future and for loving each other enough to make the sacrifices necessary to make it work. I know that five years sounds like a lifetime and that's the issue you are having the most problem with, however, think about it this way... Is this really any different than a couple where one spouse has gone into the military? Actually, you and your b/f have it a bit better than a military couple. The two of you get to spend at least half the year together, the "dangers" of your b/f's job are less, and the financial rewards are much better. Millions of military couples have survived what you are going through, and I have no doubt the two of you will, too. It's really the time thing that is hard, i don't feel settled, and people around me in everyday life have such negative comments that are so frustrating!! -- do you guys get people like that?? It's human nature for people to find fault and to be critical about things they don't understand or cannot fathom because it's not the reality they are familiar with, unfortunately. Not to belabor the point about military families, but one of the ways the left-behind" spouse/significant other deals with the separation is to build a support network with others in similiar situations. Surely your b/f works with others who also have had to leave a wife/g/f behind. Do you know any of these people? Is there a chance you could get together and/or correspond just to commiserate or hang out? I'm not suggesting you replace your friends and/or family, but I think it would be helpful if you could broaden your support system to include people who truly understand what you are going through. So I think I've decided that I'll try and get by business up an running on the computer so I can basically work wherever - that's this years aim, and see how it goes. Thanks again! That sounds like a good plan... But, what's even more encouraging is your positive attitude! Keep it up, and before you know it, all the pieces will drop in place. Best, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
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