lonleyheart Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I am curious if anyone has a husband that really gets off on fantasizing about you with another man? My husband and I have been together for 20 years, this year will be 18 years married. I have asked him in the past if this was something he really wanted or was he just playing and he said he was playing. But EVERY time we make love he "talks" his fantasy out. Sometimes he would watch and sometimes he would participate. He seems to only get excited when he does this. What do you suppose this means? He has had an affair in the past and in the past year his libido seems to be significantly lower. I am really unhappy with our relationship and had an EA with another man. He thinks my husband wouldn't be upset if I left him and I'm starting to think he is right. I really am messed up lately and am wondering if I am just looking for a reason to validate leaving. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Hello.....my sister's H use to want to see her with another man and mentioned it often, UNTIL she said ok and then he chickened out and never mentioned it again. I do not thing fantasies are bad, especially if he is sharing them with you and that is all it is, a fantasy! Talk to him about it and find out if it just makes him excited or if he really wants that.....I think that he just wants to see you with someone so he can SEE it all! My H likes mirrors so he can see me and the whole act, do you know what I mean? Men are visual and easy LOL ! Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Sheesh, you're sitting in the catbird seat girlfriend!! Why not indulge in your H's fantasy... have the MM over, and let it happen! What the hell do you have to lose anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Putting another person in the relationship will cause issues (even if just for sex). Although, you both have let others into your relationship. Call him out on it and see if that's what he truly wants. It does sound like your marriage is not very strong and is more of convenience. Have you tried counseling? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I think there is some hypocrisy at work here. Don't you want your spouse to open up to you? And when he does, your reaction is "yuck" ... There are a million ways you could use his fantasy to make your marriage stronger. But then, that doesn't seem to be what you want... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I think it could very well be only a fantasy.. A lot of men/women have this fantasy to watch their partner having sex with another person. This IS normal... If I were you I would go with the 'play' and see how it goes. You have to be more open-minded about fantasies and role play. Just go with the flow.. who knows it could put your sex life back on track. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 But EVERY time we make love he "talks" his fantasy out. He seems to only get excited when he does this. in the past year his libido seems to be significantly lower I'm all for fantasies, but I can see how it would get old real fast if he does this every time. It sounds like it has crossed into fetish territory since he needs it in order to have sex. Has he been checked out by a doctor for his low libido? Maybe this is the only fantasy that revs him up enough to want sex. Perhaps if a doc could figure out why his libido has decreased and help fix that, your husband might be able to let go of his stranglehold on this fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
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