Worried about my parents finances

[lexi29]

My parents will both be 60 next year. They won't be able to retire for about ten years. My mom works for the school system and my dad is an engineer so they both have decent jobs (make a little over a hundred thousand a year). My mom is very thrifty- she rarely buys new clothes etc. She's had the same pair of tennis shoes for the last five years. However my dad is a spend-aholic. He constantly spends money. They literally live pay check to paycheck. It has pretty much always been this way. My mom never worked when I was younger (was a stay at home mom) so in the last ten years their income has increased because my mom has been working.

 

When I was 18 my dad was fired from a job and only income coming in was unemployment. My parents had NO savings (and still do not to this day) I worked part time at a fast food restaurant and paid some of their bills (I didn't tell them I was doing this) I was in college at the time and so scared my parents were going to lose everything. However a few months later my dad found another job and everything was ok.

 

A few years ago my dad's company transferred him to another state (only two hours away but they had to move). My dad built our original house that I lived in since I was 2) from scratch and by himself. It was a 2000 sq ft house on five acres. He also built a barn and garage. When my parents moved (about 20 years after building the house) they had remorgaged the house two times they didn't get much money out of it when they sold. Also they sold our house to relatives and gave them a good deal (sold for much less than it was worth) They made about 30,000 profit and used this to pay off a truck my dad bought. So when they bought the new house they didnt' put much money down on it. Their monthly payments on the new house (which is an old farmhouse with a lot of land) are very high. More than I make in a month. Actually closer to double what I make in a month.

 

My sister needed $500 for something and I had to loan it to her because my parents have no savings and couldnt give it to her. My dad is terrible with money. My mom, not so much but because my dad makes most of the $ she doesn't argue with him about his spending. They paid off their credit cards completely when they sold their old house and now 5 years later they probably owe $20,000 in credit card debt. They just paid off my mom's car and my dad went out and bought a brand new one! So they have another car payment. My grandparents passed away last year and the year before and my grandparents had almost a half million dollars in savings when they died. There were three adult children to split that and my dad got a good chunk of inheritance. THat was last year. It is gone now. They put 10,000 in a CD and took out 3,000 of that to help pay for my sister's wedding. I am willing to bet that the other $7,000 is gone. My dad went crazy, redid the kitchen and bathroom in the old farmhouse.

 

Spent the inheritance on things like my sister's wedding, and stuff he will never use again. They could have saved that money for their retirement or paid off some of their mortgage. Nope, they blew it on stupid stuff. Also my parents have an opportunity to buy one of my grandparent's homes. My dad could buy this house for less than 20,000!! It is a small house but would be a great retirement home. It needs some work but it would be totally paid off and when they are retired they wouldnt' have a house or rent payment!! They can't stay in their current home to retire because they'd never be able to afford the payments. also their current home may be difficult to sell because no one really buys farms in their area.

 

I am so worried that if my dad gets laid off from his job or something then I am going to have to support them or help them out. I have about 10,000 in savings but I would hate to touch that because I might need it some day. If my dad were to lose his job they would be screwed. My mom does not make enough money on her own to support their lifestyle. I should point out that my parents have great credit. they always pay their bills on time but they put all the extra goodies they want on credit cards. My dad is getting older and its difficult to find a new job at his age (age discrimination does exist) My mom is pretty level headed and she knows that they are not headed down a good path but my dad doesn't care. I know this shouldn't be my problem but I'm just worried how I will take care of them if anything happens. Anyone in this situation?

[Angelina Nisse]

It commendable that you're concerned but, quite frankly, if they make that kind of money and spend foolishly, they will have to live with the consequences - there's no reason you should feel like you have to bail them out. JMO

[Kasan]

It commendable that you're concerned but, quite frankly, if they make that kind of money and spend foolishly, they will have to live with the consequences - there's no reason you should feel like you have to bail them out. JMO

 

Easier said then done. I am going through something similar with my in-laws. They drank their money away, and now they are old and both are very ill.

 

We have given them $500 cash since Christmas, various household things, and have purchased groceries for them.

 

Bear in mind these were people who never had the time of day for us. Why my husband feels that he needs to support these people is beyond me. We were never a priority in their lives and were lucky to get a phone call once a year. You don't want your family to suffer, however, there should/has to be limits. These people are master manipulators and are guilting my husband into this generosity with their emotional blackmail. They could pass my kids on the street and not know who they are.

 

I am also at the point that I am thinking about quitting my job, as I hate the fact that I am contributing to the support of them. I'd rather give my paycheck to a shelter than them.

 

Good luck OP---you are have a right to be concerned.

[iSmiley]

Hi Lexi...

 

I am in a similar position, well more or less. Since small, i learn never expect anything from my parents. My mum is the sole breadwinner of the family (to many siblings i might add) and my dad jus live in his fantasy world. My mum dun earn much and we siblings have to give up "pocket money" at the back of my mum for my dad as he jus spend w/o any concious.

 

Now tat i am an adult, i know they r expecting me and my sister to built them a house and be their financial instrument and to give up my life for them. Its hard having to bear with all this responsibility and sometimes..it held me back to the life i want. If i urge to live the life i want, i feel like as if i am betraying them and that i am selfish.

 

But now i take a different stand. If my parents love me, they shld hope to see their children happy. To "cage" me beside them jus for their security sake, isnt that selfish of themselves? Life is cruel sometimes and as long as you think you did what is right, i am going to do that! I will contribute to their monthly allowance but if they expect me to contribute all or most of my earnings ..i think that will be unfair as it has been going on since i was small and up till now. We got to love ourselves sometime too. Life is too short. Contribute but please, do think of your own too. Love yourself ^.^

[lexi29]

thanks for your replies

 

I know I don't HAVE to support them if something happened, but they are my parents and I love them and don't want to see them living on the street or something. They always took care of me so I feel I owe it to them. I just worry so much because they are so irresponsible. Its not really my mom- she is frugal but she is the enabler because she does nothing to stop my dad's spending. My dad received almost $100,000 from the inheritance and I guarantee they did not save ANY of that money. This was over a year ago that they received it. My dad is also counting on selling my grandparents' two homes and splitting those profits with his sisters. Neither home will sell for more than 40,000 since they are in such bad shape. About eight years ago my mom's father died and left her (and her 4 sibblings) a little bit of money. They received maybe $5,000 each. My dad spent most of that too. About a year after my mom's dad died she was contacted (as executor of the estate) that my grandfather had a pension that he didn't know anything about. There was over $100,000 in this pension. Now my grandfather lived very frugally, lived off social security in a small trailer that was paid off and drove a beat up car. He had no idea he'd had this money. My mom was devastated. She didn't want the money because she felt it should have been her father's and she was so upset as she thought of the better life her father would have had if he'd known about this pension fund. He could have traveled like he always wanted to etc. My mom decided to give her share (20,000) to my sister and I who were both in college. She gave me $5,000 and my sister $10,000 and put the other $5,000 in a savings account as my parents NEVEr had any money saved up.

 

My dad was furious because she'd given money to my sister and me but none to him and he felt as her husband he was entitled to it. So to keep the peace she gave him the remaining $5,000. What did he do with it? Within two weeks all that money was gone. He'd spent it redoing a camper he'd bought. He put all new appliances in this camper and brand new cabinets etc. We used that camper once before he did that and that have not used it since he did all the upgrades. So basically they threw that money away. Very frustrating

[curiousnycgirl]

Hey they can live in the camper if they lose the house. See you answered your own question