juliegeraci Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 My best friend and past lover wants me to be in his life for the rest of his life but it is really hard on me. He lives in NYC and I live in CA. We talk on the phone now and then and we do email each other. He is the love of my life and its really hard on me not being able to be with him. I am married and he is going through a divorce right now. My husband and I are good friends but nothing compares to the love I feel for my friends. Any advice on how to just maintain a friendship with this gentleman? It is very painful for me because I cannot be with him at this stage of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 My husband and I are good friends but nothing compares to the love I feel for my friends. Any advice on how to just maintain a friendship with this gentleman? It is very painful for me because I cannot be with him at this stage of my life. I fear you are playing with fire here... and you're almost 'waiting' for the end of your marriage to just be with this other guy.... Does your husband know that you consider yourselves 'Good friends'? Your final statement seems to say (and omits adding, though I'm reading between the lines) that at some later stage, you might well be with him.... This to me is being very dishonest. You're not looking to 'maintain a friendship'. You're looking to keep a love alive until such a time as you feel it appropriate to leave your husband. I can see only two solutions. Either cut him out of your life for good, and concentrate on making your marriage the centre of your emotional Life, or Seek a divorce now, if you can't do the above. because to try to juggle both is cruel and is wanting your cake and eating it. You're burning the candle at both ends, and it's not fair on your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author juliegeraci Posted February 6, 2008 Author Share Posted February 6, 2008 I decided to not talk to him anymore. Its going to be difficult but I know what is best for me right now . I need to concentrate on my family and marriage right now. If life pulls me to him later in life then it is meant to be. Right now it is not meant to be. Thanks for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 I think you're right to do this. But I recognise it's not easy for you, and may subconsciously (or otherwise!) not really be what you want to do, but that you think it's what you ought to do. Sever contact. Try not to engage with him if he contacts you. give yourself a period of time to be this way, and then try to forget about it. If, when the time comes, you still feel as strongly, then perhaps you could review the situation. but you do need to give your marriage a shot. good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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