Lizzie60 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I know she's no where near 160 tho. I'm 175 and I'm five ten. 160 doesn't seem right on the edge to me though. I don't think I need to find someone else tho lizzie Idk maybe it's something like kammile said idk Collegiate... listen to me.. she is NOT the one... mark my words... You've only been dating a few months and you are already finding this somewhat of a problem... what will it be in 5 years from now... just mark my words... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Collegiate21 Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 If she went to the gym with me I would be more than willing to stay home with her and take a couple off definitely, I just want to be attracted to her like I used to be somethings missing. That's the only thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Collegiate21 Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 No we've been together two years Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 If she went to the gym with me I would be more than willing to stay home with her and take a couple off definitely, I just want to be attracted to her like I used to be somethings missing. That's the only thing. You just said it... something's missing... humm..methink it won't last another 2 years... You were awfully young... 21 and already been dating 2 years... maybe you're getting less and less interested... Mark my words... she's not the one... Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I honestly don't know her current weight and i said weight isn't a good measure. Her body composition has changed though alot... she's really not that much bigger And i'm really obviously not afraid oto say something. I'm just looking for soome advice Changes in what way? Her boobs, hip, and/or thighs? Women fill out in their early 20s. To get her to try to enjoy YOUR past time you might want to think about your approach. I can give you an example: My BF rides his bike to and from work everyday (total of about 14 mi.) by choice. He was not into cycling for the first 2 and a half years of our relationship, but became a bike mechanic a year ago. He built me a pretty red bike late last summer and I was excited because we live near the National Park. It was nice and fun at first. But the fact is he had been doing this daily for months and I had not so when I was wanting to start heading back home he wanted to keep going. I was already exhausted (had not been on a bike for 14 years) and we had already gone 10 miles. Because he wouldn't listen, I turned around and headed home. He was disappointed and I was angry. Next time was the same, and the next time after. Spring is coming. He wants our first ride out together to be to a town 20 miles from us. He can't seem to understand why the idea of riding 40 miles in a day isn't a great idea for me for my first ride out after winter. I hate riding with him now. I am thinking of changing my day off to one he works just so I can go out on my own at my own pace. You said she did go to the gym with you for a bit right? Could something like what I just described make her want to stop? If you want her to ever be able to enjoy it the way you do, you have to let her go at her own pace before she can match you in it. This is usually what happens when one person becomes avid in something and then wishes to enjoy it with their partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 If you have to push someone to maintain the body that you find attractive, it's never ever going to work. Eventually they'll stop going, resent you for pushing them and it'll all fall to pieces. You should find someone you're attracted to while they're doing what they want to do. Trying to change people is an exercise in futility. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Collegiate21 Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 I used to love her legs and stomach but she lost alot of muscle from not excercising, I guess I just miss them. Very good advice though. I thank you I think she might not like to go with me as much because I like to stay longer. idk Link to post Share on other sites
Author Collegiate21 Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 I see what your saying enema. But at one point... when we started dating she liked the gym... She just doesn't seem to find the need to go. It's not really changing her i just want her to do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Try getting her a trainer other than yourself. If she lost interest because it was at your pace and not hers, any motivation you try to give her during her time at the gym will be taken poorly. Explain to her that you really love her and that you want to build a life with her. Tell her having an active lifestyle is also something you want and you would love to share that attitude with her. Explain that you realize you have been doing it longer and don't expect her to be able to keep up with you yet but are perfectly willing to get her someone to help her get started at a pace that is comfortable for her. You want her healthy so the two of you can have a long life together and are starting to worry that the difference in attitude about fitness will end up creating distance between you and you want to prevent that now rather than later when it will be harder. Tell her you want your woman next to you in your life. Then maybe watch Red Sonja or Terminator 2 together or something. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 How did she used to stay in shape? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 How did she used to stay in shape? Sex probably... Oh yes... Collegiate.. sex is a good exercise... maybe .. you know.. instead of the gym... Link to post Share on other sites
StartingOver07 Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 I'm with Lizzie here. 10-15 pounds at age 21 does not bode well for 30 or 40. And asking her to remain as fit as she was is not the same as meeting her in a less fit state and asking her to change. Body composition has to do with the amount of fat you carry, not your overall weight. So it's possible that his gf doesn't weigh a lot more than she used to, but that she has traded in muscle for fat. Five pounds of muscle takes up about half as much space as five pound of fat, so her weight could remain relatively unchanged and yet she would look much larger (and feel much flabbier). Anyway, the point is that there is nothing wrong with the OP wanting to be physically attracted to his GF. He was attracted to her when they met and now he is losing that attraction because of actions (or inactions) on her part. He's not being shallow -- this isn't a case where injury or disease prevents her from reamining fit. He's seeing that neither fitness nor being attractive to him are important to her. Link to post Share on other sites
LIVEWIRE Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Hey Collegiate.... If your G/F is in college I am not shocked that she has gained this much weight. it's actually very typical...with the nightlife, eating pizza everynight etc. So even if she were to increase her activity level it wouldn't matter if she is not willing to adjust her diet. Diet is almost if not MORE important than physical exercise when trying to lose weight and get in shape. Depending on her metabolism she may even be able to drop the weight easily with minimal exercise, as long as her diet is adjusted. Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 And asking her to remain as fit as she was is not the same as meeting her in a less fit state and asking her to change. She could have had reasons to stay fit other than looking good for her bf. Those reasons could have changed and she no longer considers staying in perfect shape a top priority. And as long as we don't know how she changed; meaning how much weight she gained (muscle vs. fat) and especially if we don't know her weight from before and what it is now, it's hard to tell whether or not she is actually getting fat or if she is just going from being in perfect shape to a more average, yet still absolutely healthy weight. Anyway, the point is that there is nothing wrong with the OP wanting to be physically attracted to his GF. He was attracted to her when they met and now he is losing that attraction because of actions (or inactions) on her part. He's not being shallow -- this isn't a case where injury or disease prevents her from reamining fit. He's seeing that neither fitness nor being attractive to him are important to her. Those extra 10-15 pounds are no indicator that she is no longer fit. She may not be as fit as she was 2 years ago but that alone says nothing about her overall fitness. Whether or not his complaints about those 10-15 pounds are seen as shallow or true concern for her health a few years from now if she keeps gaining weight is a matter of opinion. Given that he considers her to be "kind of rude" to even gain 10-15 pounds makes me think he is shallow and not primarily concerned about her health. Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 My main concern is am I wrong for wanting her to go to the gym with me like she used to because I enjoyed her company, her effort, and i found i was more attracted to her before ... I see what your saying enema. But at one point... when we started dating she liked the gym... She just doesn't seem to find the need to go. It's not really changing her i just want her to do it again. It's not wrong that you would like her to go to the gym with you more often. What I think is wrong is to constantly remind her of it. If she changed her mind about going to the gym, there is not much you can do. Have you tried to talk to her to find out why she won't go to the gym any more? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts