I want revenge on the other woman

[L&C4ever]

My husband and I have been together for ten years, married for eight. We have two beautiful children, a daughter who is almost three and a son who is almost one. This past December I found out that my husband was cheating on me with one of his friends from work. I always suspected that there was something going on between the two of them, even when I was pregnant with our son. He denies it, he says they were just friends and then it turned into something more, but I can't believe that. He says that they've only been together since September. Maybe that is true, but I doubt it. When I found out I confronted him about and he chose me. I made him call her in front of me to call it off and he did. Then he said he needed more closure so I let him leave the house to call her for a few minutes.

 

I found out after that that he saw her during New Year's Eve. The two of them got a hotel and spent the night together. He swears that they only talked because he misses her and needed to talk. I don't believe that either.

 

We are now seperated. I live in our home and he lives with his mother. At first I wanted him gone, but now I want him to come back. He keeps saying that he needs space and time to himself to think about what he wants. But he needs to come back because I know what he wants. He wants me and his children. I just can't get him to come back. He keeps telling me that he still loves me, but not like he used to. It's more like a friend. And then he tells me that he loves this other woman, that he is in love with her and that she makes him happy and that he hasn't been happy for a few years. I just know that they are still seeing eachother. If I could just get her away from him I know he would come back and we would be happy.

 

I need to know what I can do to get her away from him. I wrote a letter to her about how she destroyed our family and how it was all her fault. I even included our Christmas picture to make her feel extra guilty. Then I wrote a letter to her parents telling them what she had done. One of my friends even wrote a letter to her parents too. I've been calling her house and cell phone several times trying to get up with her but she never answers. I've driven by her house a few times too trying to see if I could catch her at home but she hasn't been there when I've gone by. My mother even called her and left her a really nasty voicemail but nothing seems to get her.

 

She is currently going to the doctor's office my mother works at and she calls me everytime that woman goes there. She always seems to be happy and smiling. I need something to wipe that smug grin off her face. I hate her and can't understand why my husband doesn't hate her too. I want him to hate her, but he won't. I need him to see what a bad person she is before it's too late. I mean, if she would sleep with him, I know she's been sleeping with other married men. She's probably even cheating on him right now.

 

I want to get revenge on her. Mostly because I hate her, but also because then she'll slip up and try to get back at me and then I can show my husband just how awful she really is. Does anyone have any ideas of what I can do to her? I want her to know I did it, but I also don't want her to have any proof that I did it. Please help me, any suggestions at all would be appreciated.

[Curmudgeon]

I want to get revenge on her. Mostly because I hate her, but also because then she'll slip up and try to get back at me and then I can show my husband just how awful she really is.

 

You're beyond hate and bordering on obsessed. You're also stalking for all intents and purposes. Do you really want to let this creature control your moods and emotions and, perhaps, have the additional power and control to put you behind bars?

 

What you really need to do is place the blame where it belongs which is on your husband. Then you have to ask yourself if he's really worth staying with and if the marriage is really worth saving.

 

Please don't compromise yourself. The troubles in your marriage are the fault of your husband, not the OW. After all, I doubt she held a gun to his head.

[JamieA]

Yes, I have some ideas. But, you need to think of them yourself & customize them to fit her. It's much more satisfying if you dream up the idea yourself. Be sure & follow these rules:

 

 

1. Get mad....then get even. It's justice, plain and simple.

 

2. Revenge is healthy. Don't listen to those mealymouths who tell you otherwise. You're teaching people to behave better. At the same time you're getting icky poisonous feelings out of your system once and for all. What could be healthier?

 

3. Remember, Karma is a good thing. Be sure everyone gets his or hers...in this lifetime. You're helping to bring the scales of justice back into balance and restore order to the universe.

 

4. Revenge is excellent self-therapy. It's far cheaper than a therapist and much healthier than pigging out on a box of donuts.

 

5. The punishment should always fit the crime. In other words, don't go nuclear over something trivial.

 

6. Always aim your revenge where it hurts the most. Go right for the jugular.

 

7. Let your creativity blossom. Don't go for cliches like slashing tires. Yawn. Be original. Enjoy yourself. Give your mark an experience they'll never ever forget.

 

8. Don't break the law.

 

9. If you have to do something you're not proud of, be sure to cover your tracks well.

 

10. Have fun. If you can end up laughing at the jerk who wronged you, you're well on your way to being over it.

 

11. Once revenge is consummated, move on. It's over

[erika2610]

I wouldn't say you're "bordering" on obsessed. I would say you really are obsessed. Why not just move on? Even if you do manage to somehow get him to come back to you, he is just going to resent you. Why would you want to be with somebody who doesn't feel the same way you do? Not to mention that if you do do something to her, your husband will resent you even more. Doing something to her is a sure fire way to keep him away. As a former OW - if my MM wife was driving by my house, writing me letters, calling me, etc. - I would have already called the cops. In most affairs, the MM persued the OW. You can't place the blame all on the OW. Your husband is the scumbag here. Not her. Don't give her the power to control your every thought. Your best revenge on them both is to just move on. Find somebody who will be happy with you.

 

As for "If she will sleep with him, she will probably sleep with other married men" - that is not true. It would be more truthful to say that if your husband would cheat on you, he may be cheating on her too.

[mistie03]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how much it hurts. My ex-hubby did the same thing when I was pregnant with my son. It was so painful that my body and my heart ached. There was nothing I could do to make him stop seeing the OW.

 

As long as I was hurting and hoping he would come back, he could have cared less. When the baby was born and I went on with my life -- Guess what? He couldn't stand the thought of me being with someone else and came pounding on my door! I refused to have anything to do with him and he got the OW pregnant. Their relationship was a disaster. They drank and fought really bad. They were both even arrested for domestic violence at one point.

 

Karma is sweet sometimes. It bit them both. But, by the time it did, I didn't care anymore.

 

To this day (I divorced cheating ex-hubby a long time ago) he STILL gets drunk and tells me he made a mistake and loves me. I still don't care.

 

The best revenge is to live well! You deserve better than some man that lies to you and screws a co-worker behind your back.

[Trimmer]

If you really think about it, all the energy you are directing at the OW, everything you blame her for, all these things are just ways to avoid blaming your husband for them, but he is really the one who deserves your attention.

 

I'm not saying that she deserves any special treatment, nor am I defending her - she is a willing participant in the breakup of a family - but the one person in the world who answers to you for his honor, fidelity, and treatment of you is your husband.

 

It's easier, especially when you feel like you want him back, to redirect that anger outside. After all, if you want him back, you need to be loving and forgiving, and it's easier to unite against the external threat. And, as a matter of fact, if he does come back, and you welcome him in, he may well use that instinct to avoid having your full wrath directed at him: he will probably unite with you and characterize the OW as the enemy. By doing this, by giving you an outlet for your anger, he will distract you somewhat from your demands upon him to answer for his actions.

 

So your anger is understandable, don't get me wrong, but pretty much a waste of energy. You ire, your anger, your demands are properly directed at the person who is really breaking up your family, who has a smug grin on his face when he's with the OW, who has betrayed your trust and his word to you. As hard as it is to be mad at him, as much as you want to block it out, you know who that person is.

 

I'm not saying you don't deserve to take revenge - some people believe that it is cleansing, etc. as you can read above. Just don't be so sure that if you somehow drive her away, he will see the light and all will somehow be restored. You may well suffer unpredictable consequences like driving him to her, becoming the common enemy yourself, justifying his actions in his own mind, or getting the people you love in trouble, or even succeeding in driving her off, and then finding him resenting you even more for that fact.

 

Incidentally, don't you suppose there might be some doctor/patient ethics/confidentiality issues around your mother, using her position as an employee of the doctor to report in to you whenever the OW visits her doctor? If she were somehow caught doing that, might that not be a Bad Thing for her job there?

 

Your husband is already at least partially convinced that he prefers the OW to you, or at a minimum, he is experimenting with that possibility. You driving her off isn't going to change that, or if it does, it may have unpredictable effects.

[nellstar]

Of course you want to ruin her. She's making your H happy. I don't know but you're way beyond obsessed. Best revenge would be to get D and move on. Put a smile on your face and show your H that you're better off without him.

 

If OW is acting this way, she's called a Bunny Boiler... I wonder what they call BS like this...

[LucreziaBorgia]

Your best revenge? This is something that I see a lot on divorce boards - it is drastic and cutthroat, but if it is revenge you want you may as well do it legally...

 

Find the best ball-chomping cheater-hating lawyer you can find, take your H for all he is worth, get the maximum amount of child support that you can, if you are in a AoA/CC state - sue the OW, and then let OW have him when you are done legally wringing them out. She and your ex H can then spend the next several years supporting you and your children in the manner to which you have become accustomed. Be sure to date and make it clear that you are happier without him than you ever were with him. Go on great vacations, and let your children want for nothing.

 

Meanwhile your ex and his OW will be scraping by to support you, and at each other's throats in no time over money issues and having to do without.

 

Will it work out that way? Maybe, maybe not (though I'm sure it is interesting to think about and plot) - but the most important thing all money aside is that you will have rid your life of him and will get an opportunity to do better for yourself. If you build a better life and find yourself indifferent to the OW and your stbxH, then you will have had the best revenge of all: living well.

[sandflea]

LB is right on the money. Realistically, you don't have a beef with the other woman. Your contract (legal, moral and business) is with your STBXH.

 

If you want revenge, make sure it pays well.

 

SF

Edited February 6, 2008 by sandflea

[guessjeans]

You want revenge? I know exactly how you can get it! Nothing! Do absolutely nothing at all!

 

This WONT LAST! Believe me when I say that..it WILL NOT LAST!

 

Right now its exciting, thrilling, she desires him..he thinks she is the only one that ever understood him, he thinks she is better suited for him, he thinks that the sex with another woman and the newness of it will last forever! Garbage..Garbage...Garbage!

 

You best revenge is to act like it doesnt matter to you. Get out there and start ie: going to the gym, start taking a class, start changing yourself for YOU. Get stronger, work out this hate for her..when in fact, the hate should be with him also because im sure he knew she fancied him and he encouraged it.

 

I would almost guarantee that one day, some day, and im sure it wont be long..within a yr i bet, he will see you and say hey! how come you didnt look like that when we were married..hey! how come you are doing that now? hey! i like the new you, the more independent you! And will admire what he sees and you will gain the necessary self confidence you need right now because of what he has done to you and your family. Dont play the victim! Start living everyday for YOU and your children. Nevermind using what energy you have thinking about HER! Use that frustration and anger at the gym.

 

Then one day, he will be knocking on your door begging for forgiveness, begging you for a second chance..but by then..you will look at this as your blessing in disquise, and know that you will never look back at the past, and once a cheater, always cheater, that one of the biggest things ppl cherish is their ability to trust one another, is now gone! and that cant be repaired. You will find that a new person will come into your life when you least expect it, and when he ( your ex) comes a calling..kick him where he belongs! to the curb! or better yet, back to her house!

[sedgwick]

This isn't her fault, it's your husband's. He didn't have to cheat with her. If it wasn't her, it could have been anyone. The bottom line is that you have to stop with the stalking. Having your friends and mother contact her? That's way, way, WAYYYYY out of line. If you really want revenge, the way to do it is not by acting crazy and making them totally dismiss you as insane. The best way to do it is to ignore them completely. You have to give your husband a chance to miss you, not push him further away by stalking his new love. Do you really want him to think that your whole entire life revolves around him, to the point that if he leaves you'll throw away all your dignity and sanity and everything else you have going on in your life to stalk him?

 

I'm actually very surprised this woman hasn't gotten a restraining order against you. I'd have done it long ago. I'm sure she's terrified of your behavior. Is that the kind of revenge you want? The kind where you show her she's all you can think about? The kind where you give her every bit of your power and ask your friends and relatives to take time out of THEIR lives to stalk her too?

 

She could have been the sexiest woman who ever lived, but he didn't have to cheat with her. It was HIS decision. She didn't ruin your family, HE DID.

Edited February 6, 2008 by sedgwick

[Meaplus3]

My husband and I have been together for ten years, married for eight. We have two beautiful children, a daughter who is almost three and a son who is almost one. This past December I found out that my husband was cheating on me with one of his friends from work. I always suspected that there was something going on between the two of them, even when I was pregnant with our son. He denies it, he says they were just friends and then it turned into something more, but I can't believe that. He says that they've only been together since September. Maybe that is true, but I doubt it. When I found out I confronted him about and he chose me. I made him call her in front of me to call it off and he did. Then he said he needed more closure so I let him leave the house to call her for a few minutes.

 

I found out after that that he saw her during New Year's Eve. The two of them got a hotel and spent the night together. He swears that they only talked because he misses her and needed to talk. I don't believe that either.

 

We are now seperated. I live in our home and he lives with his mother. At first I wanted him gone, but now I want him to come back. He keeps saying that he needs space and time to himself to think about what he wants. But he needs to come back because I know what he wants. He wants me and his children. I just can't get him to come back. He keeps telling me that he still loves me, but not like he used to. It's more like a friend. And then he tells me that he loves this other woman, that he is in love with her and that she makes him happy and that he hasn't been happy for a few years. I just know that they are still seeing eachother. If I could just get her away from him I know he would come back and we would be happy.

 

I need to know what I can do to get her away from him. I wrote a letter to her about how she destroyed our family and how it was all her fault. I even included our Christmas picture to make her feel extra guilty. Then I wrote a letter to her parents telling them what she had done. One of my friends even wrote a letter to her parents too. I've been calling her house and cell phone several times trying to get up with her but she never answers. I've driven by her house a few times too trying to see if I could catch her at home but she hasn't been there when I've gone by. My mother even called her and left her a really nasty voicemail but nothing seems to get her.

 

She is currently going to the doctor's office my mother works at and she calls me everytime that woman goes there. She always seems to be happy and smiling. I need something to wipe that smug grin off her face. I hate her and can't understand why my husband doesn't hate her too. I want him to hate her, but he won't. I need him to see what a bad person she is before it's too late. I mean, if she would sleep with him, I know she's been sleeping with other married men. She's probably even cheating on him right now.

 

I want to get revenge on her. Mostly because I hate her, but also because then she'll slip up and try to get back at me and then I can show my husband just how awful she really is. Does anyone have any ideas of what I can do to her? I want her to know I did it, but I also don't want her to have any proof that I did it. Please help me, any suggestions at all would be appreciated.

 

 

Hi.. I can understand you are very hurt.. and with good reason.. however this look's like it has turned into an obsession for you.. and it's not healthy.. I too was once obsessed over telling my xmm's wife about the ea we had..I took the high road and worked though my feeling's at every angle. Why ruin her life just because you think she tried to ruin your's! Two wrong's don't make a right.. and it takes two to tango..Your H was a big part of this equation. You need to forget about her... and focus on what you can do to try and save your marriage with your H. Really it will be a waste of your time.. obsessing over this woman, it will get you no where. Good Luck. Hang in there.

 

AP:)

[MakeLemonade]

Taking revenge on the OW won't make you feel better, and it won't make him come back to you. Why do you even want him back? He isn't bewitched, he is making these choices. There is no gun, knife or any other threat being thrust at him. I agree with those that say place the blame where blame is due. On the father of your two children who chose satisfying his urges and fleeting excitement over your love and your family.

 

The healthiest thing for you and more importantly your children is to move on, get the D, and get as much as you can from the cheating bastard. Take care of you and your babies. He isn't worth revenge and neither is she.

 

I feel terrible for everything you must be going through, that flood of emotions has to feel like drowning, you will make it through to the other side, wanting revenge is only going to prolong that process.

[L&C4ever]

I finally got some of the revenge that I wanted! Close to Valentine's Day, my mother and few friends sent a bunch of dead flowers to her house. I know she got them because she told my husband about it and he confronted me. He asked me if I did it and I said no, but I don't think he believes me. He should, I wasn't the one who sent them. Plus he's the liar here so I should be the one not believing him, not the other way around. The best thing though, me and my best friend went by her car at work and slit all four tires. We also keyed the side of her car. So much for her pretty little paint job. It was so funny! We watched from a distance and she was really really mad! The only thing that backfired was that she called my husband and he came and picked her up. The thing is, I don't even want him back anymore. I just don't want her to have him! She's such a bitch!!!! I just wish I could make him realize that. He's better off with me. But when he does come crawling back I can't wait to tell him no.

 

The one thing I really want to know is why he cheated! I just don't understand what this girl has that I don't. I've been calling her for weeks trying to get her to call me back but she won't answer her phone. Does anyone know a way to get the other woman to pick up? What can I say on her voicemail that will make her call me back? I need to talk to her! I want to know why he did this to ME!!! I want to know what it is about her that is so special! And I also want the opportunity to tell her what a lowlife BITCH she is!!! I hate her so much! I wish she would just go jump off a bridge or get run over by a car! I HATE HER!!!

 

Hasn't anyone else been in this situation? I think it's got to be normal to feel this way, after all she destroyed my entire life. We were so happy until she came along! Some of my family think I'm taking this to far, but honestly this isn't half of what she deserves. I think it would be odd if I didn't feel this way.

 

I want to know from someone who's been there, how much more do I have to make her pay until I'll feel like it's enough? It felt really good messing with her car, but I still feel like doing more to her. I want to go back to living my life, but I can't do that until she pays a little more. I just need to know what else I need to do to feel like myself again, to get her out of my head.

[sedgwick]

I cannot even believe you are doing this to this woman, and that your family is playing along. Sending dead flowers is right up there with boiling the kid's bunny. I think you can rest assured that you and your family look 100% batsh*t crazy to both your ex and his new woman. I hope that's how you want to be remembered, because you are painting a very unflattering and embarrassing portrait of yourself. I know I'm going to sound harsh here, but I'm sure both of them view you as pathetic and deranged. If that's what you were after, congrats.

 

Keying someone's car and slashing their tires is ILLEGAL, not to mention laughably immature. You could very well wind up in jail over this. Is that really what you're after? Are you going to feel good about yourself while you're sitting in a cell and they're talking to each other about how nuts you are? Boy, that's some revenge!

 

One thing's for sure: he's NOT going to come running back to you. You say you want him to realize how much better you are than the new woman he's with -- but which one of you is out slashing tires and sending dead flowers? I'd say you have successfully ruined your chances of having him come back to you but have greatly increased your chances of finding yourself slapped with a restraining order.

 

There is NOTHING you can say to her to get her to call you back. If you had a stalker who was trying to reach you, would you call back? Would you even listen to the voice mails? I certainly wouldn't -- I'd block the number and delete all VMs without listening. That's what you are, no ifs, ands, or buts: her stalker. I'm sure she's trying to avoid you at all costs out of fear for her personal safety. I know I would be.

 

ALL she thinks of you is that you're psycho. That's as much thought as she's giving you, although she's probably also trying to figure out how to protect herself from you. You are giving her and your ex a lot of fuel to sit around and say very bad things about you. What if you had gone off gracefully, said nothing, and left your husband to wonder what you were thinking? I can 100% without a doubt guarantee you that would have been a more effective way of getting back at him. Now he just thinks you're scary, and he knows you're obsessed with him. All the other woman has to do is behave with some degree of sanity even a portion of the time to ensure he wants her more and finds her more attractive than he does you. You are making it very, very easy for her to be the better choice in your husband's eyes. What does she have that you don't? Obvious, and easy: her wits about her.

Edited March 5, 2008 by sedgwick

[Trimmer]

The only thing that backfired was that she called my husband and he came and picked her up.

What a shock...

You may well suffer unpredictable consequences like driving him to her, becoming the common enemy yourself, justifying his actions in his own mind, or getting the people you love in trouble, or even succeeding in driving her off, and then finding him resenting you even more for that fact.

I wonder if he was able to convince her not to file a police report, or if he even bothered to try.

 

The thing is, I don't even want him back anymore. I just don't want her to have him! She's such a bitch!!!! I just wish I could make him realize that. He's better off with me. But when he does come crawling back I can't wait to tell him no.

I hear that you are deeply conflicted here. He's better off with you, but you don't want him back. But you don't want her to have him, but you do want him to come crawling back so you can send him away...

 

I've been calling her for weeks trying to get her to call me back but she won't answer her phone. Does anyone know a way to get the other woman to pick up? What can I say on her voicemail that will make her call me back? I need to talk to her!

She may have been advised by the police, or by a lawyer drawing up a restraining order not to have any contact with you.

 

Hasn't anyone else been in this situation? I think it's got to be normal to feel this way,

Yes, I have, and yes, these feelings are real and normal.

 

The thing is, those are your feelings. What kind of person do you want to be with respect to your behaviors?

 

Some of my family think I'm taking this to far, but honestly this isn't half of what she deserves. I think it would be odd if I didn't feel this way.

Your family is recognizing the difference between your feelings and your behavior. I would think it odd if you didn't feel this way; I think it is still a concern, however, that you cannot control your behavior sufficiently to avoid committing crimes as a result of your feelings.

 

I want to know from someone who's been there, how much more do I have to make her pay until I'll feel like it's enough? It felt really good messing with her car, but I still feel like doing more to her. I want to go back to living my life, but I can't do that until she pays a little more.

Maybe it's not "making her pay" that will make you feel better. The thing that ultimately made me feel better was letting my spouse go, letting her suffer or enjoy the consequences of her decision, and working out my anger at her (my spouse) and realizing that misdirecting it at the OM was a waste of my energy.

 

I just need to know what else I need to do to feel like myself again, to get her out of my head.

Start becoming yourself again, live your life for you, instead of against her. It's not that you need to push her out or extinguish her or take enough revenge so she disappears. You need to create a life for yourself that is sufficiently full that whatever she is becomes irrelevant by comparison. This way you control what you can (your life) and you don't waste time controlling what you cannot (her.)

[MakeLemonade]

I cannot even believe you are doing this to this woman, and that your family is playing along. Sending dead flowers is right up there with boiling the kid's bunny. I think you can rest assured that you and your family look 100% batsh*t crazy to both your ex and his new woman. I hope that's how you want to be remembered, because you are painting a very unflattering and embarrassing portrait of yourself. I know I'm going to sound harsh here, but I'm sure both of them view you as pathetic and deranged. If that's what you were after, congrats.

 

Keying someone's car and slashing their tires is ILLEGAL, not to mention laughably immature. You could very well wind up in jail over this. Is that really what you're after? Are you going to feel good about yourself while you're sitting in a cell and they're talking to each other about how nuts you are? Boy, that's some revenge!

 

One thing's for sure: he's NOT going to come running back to you. You say you want him to realize how much better you are than the new woman he's with -- but which one of you is out slashing tires and sending dead flowers? I'd say you have successfully ruined your chances of having him come back to you but have greatly increased your chances of finding yourself slapped with a restraining order.

 

There is NOTHING you can say to her to get her to call you back. If you had a stalker who was trying to reach you, would you call back? Would you even listen to the voice mails? I certainly wouldn't -- I'd block the number and delete all VMs without listening. That's what you are, no ifs, ands, or buts: her stalker. I'm sure she's trying to avoid you at all costs out of fear for her personal safety. I know I would be.

 

ALL she thinks of you is that you're psycho. That's as much thought as she's giving you, although she's probably also trying to figure out how to protect herself from you. You are giving her and your ex a lot of fuel to sit around and say very bad things about you. What if you had gone off gracefully, said nothing, and left your husband to wonder what you were thinking? I can 100% without a doubt guarantee you that would have been a more effective way of getting back at him. Now he just thinks you're scary, and he knows you're obsessed with him. All the other woman has to do is behave with some degree of sanity even a portion of the time to ensure he wants her more and finds her more attractive than he does you. You are making it very, very easy for her to be the better choice in your husband's eyes. What does she have that you don't? Obvious, and easy: her wits about her.

 

Well said Sedgwick - there not much I could add, L&C your post sounds like it was written by one of those psychos in a movie or something. I can hear the maniacal laughter in the background even. Scary. Why in the world would you think a woman who has had her car scratched up and tires slashed by you would pick up the phone and CALL you (and while you smugly say it wasn't you, it was on your order - think of mob bosses - they get charged with murder for ordering it, even if they don't pull the trigger or tie the rock) so it was you and she knows it was you and your husband know it was you too.

 

Let this GO - move on - your kids, thank god, are too young to know what is going on. Get your sanity and your dignity back and move on with your life. He isn't going to come back after all this I wouldn't think and as I said before - why would you want him to? Ah, yes so you can tell him to f-off - I understand your anger, really I do, but you are losing it. Your kids need a happy, adjusted, sane mother. Get yourself some IC and give them one.

[quankanne]

The one thing I really want to know is why he cheated! I just don't understand what this girl has that I don't. I've been calling her for weeks trying to get her to call me back but she won't answer her phone. Does anyone know a way to get the other woman to pick up? What can I say on her voicemail that will make her call me back? I need to talk to her! I want to know why he did this to ME!!! I want to know what it is about her that is so special! And I also want the opportunity to tell her what a lowlife BITCH she is!!! I hate her so much! I wish she would just go jump off a bridge or get run over by a car! I HATE HER!!!

 

Listen to yourself. I mean, in a moment when you're not angry, sit down and read what you just wrote and ask yourself if this is the kind of person you'd want to come home to every night, planning and building a future together.

 

I totally get your anger, but you're allowing it to manifest itself in some pretty damned ugly ways. Why does he want her so badly? It might not be *her* pulling him away from you, but rather, YOU causing him to drift even further because your behavior sounds absolute psychotic. Someone mentioned bunny-boiler, and the title seems to fit your behavior, based on what you've posted.

 

my guess is that the best way to "get rid of" you is to ignore you, and that's what he's doing. You say you know what's best for him, and what he truly wants, but it sounds like you're really not considering his needs when you say these things, just treating him like a possession you feel he is.

 

good or bad, he's gone for a reason. Scheming with friends and family members – then denying involvement – isn't going to resolve the issue OR make him see the solid, happy marriage he left behind.

 

you, my dear, need professional help to get that anger problem under control so that you can better deal with the issues you're facing. Because until then, ain't nobody gonna want to talk with you for fear of serious repercussion. Is that how you want things to end?

[prisonbreak]

Getting revenge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. All this torture is going to get YOU in the end. There is nothing you can do to her that can hurt her. She is the only one in control of HER thoughts and feelings. You can't make her feel any particular way. You don't have control over her emotions, you can only control yours, which seems to me like you are having a hard time doing.

Edited March 5, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for Content

[D-Lish]

Hi D.

 

I too think this has become an obsession you need to seek some help for. The people participating in your revenge aren't helping you- they are fueling a dangerous fire. I just caution you to take a look at how this behaviour could ultimately affect your children.

 

Your anger and feelings are warranted- completely normal.

It's totally okay to feel that hatred and anger and a need for revenge.

You can't control how you feel- but you can control how you handle those feelings.

 

When my ex husband knocked up another woman close to the end of our marriage 4 years ago- I wanted to kill her, I wanted to hunt her down and tear her head off- I hated her.... But ultimately, I dealt with that rage and moved on from it. I even ran into my exH, her and their child this past x-mas and had a friendly introduction and chat with her. The anger just isn't there anymore.

 

The point I am making is that you can't let the rage and obsession take over your life. It will leave you and you will feel better if you deal with it and let it go.

 

What you are doing right now could get you arrested and charged... I am sure your husband is the one stopping OW from pressing charges.

I am just worried you are going to put yourself in jeapordy with your children, custody rights, divorce proceedings, etc.

 

The rage is stopping you from thinking clearly- Just stop for a moment, take a deep breath, take a long look at your kids and think of a better way to handle this.

 

Yes- Divorce can be a better way to get closure.

You have custody of the children, evidence of adultry and mental anguish... I would go after him financially.

[Taramere]

I want to know from someone who's been there, how much more do I have to make her pay until I'll feel like it's enough? It felt really good messing with her car, but I still feel like doing more to her. I want to go back to living my life, but I can't do that until she pays a little more. I just need to know what else I need to do to feel like myself again, to get her out of my head.

 

You're out of control, your behaviour (and that of your friends and mother) is violent, abusive and antisocial and you're highly likely to end up with a criminal conviction before this is over. If you don't want that to happen, you'd better get some therapy to help you get a grip.

 

Alarmingly, you suggest that this is what you "need" to do in order to feel better. That's textbook psychopathic justification for violent and anti-social actions. Is that really who you want to be? Someone who talks and behaves like a psychopath? Nothing you've said here indicates that you're remotely troubled by the force of your rage and your desire to harm this woman.

 

You may well have friends and a mother who appear to condone and even encourage this vengeful mindset of yours. In the wider society, however, this behaviour is absolutely not normal - regardless of the fact that you were cheated on. Infidelity certainly is painful, but it doesn't justify you giving free rein to these violent and vengeful impulses of yours.

 

There certainly are other people out there who think the way you do. A lot of them are in prison, because just like you they just can't or won't control themselves. Others manage to lead productive and functional lives. With the help of some therapy, you might be able to get a grip over your behaviour, even if the unhealthy mindset underlying it never changes.

Edited March 5, 2008 by Taramere

[guessjeans]

I couldnt believe what I was reading! I thought you were kidding!

 

You realize how very sad and pathetic you look in your husbands eyes right now. You played right into his hand. You hurt her, and he comes running to her defense. Im surprised you didnt figure that one out.

 

I am hoping that someone catches on it was you, and you suffer the same fate as her in some way. Karma does work that way. You did nothing to her but send you husband over to her, and cause a lot of damage. But more importantly, you look jealous, obsessive, and very pathetic in most everyone"s eyes.

 

If you had held your head up high in confidence and self worth, you would have realized that you are BETTER than these two ppl, and that you, as a human being, deserve to be treated with more respect, because you demand it, because you have earned it.

 

You have now set back your healing, and most definately, you cant be feeling too good about yourself right now. Probably an all time low in the self asstem category. Get a grip! This behavior is beneath you! Your husband will NEVER look at you the same way again.

[mistie03]

You must stop this. You are only giving them reason to ridicule you and call you a nutcase. Is that what you want?

 

Yes, I have been there. It sux.

 

Find a way to move on.

 

If it hadn't been her, it would have been someone else. This girl is not the best thing around, she was just there and willing. Trust me, if your hubby could could have scored with some other attractive females, he would have.

 

Divorce his ass and find someone that loves you and treats you well.

 

I promise you, the best revenge is to live well.

 

In all likelihood, they will cheat on each other. That's what happened with my ex and his OW. They deserve each other.

[SOS_Please]

I finally got some of the revenge that I wanted! Close to Valentine's Day, my mother and few friends sent a bunch of dead flowers to her house. I know she got them because she told my husband about it and he confronted me. He asked me if I did it and I said no, but I don't think he believes me. He should, I wasn't the one who sent them. Plus he's the liar here so I should be the one not believing him, not the other way around. The best thing though, me and my best friend went by her car at work and slit all four tires. We also keyed the side of her car. So much for her pretty little paint job. It was so funny! We watched from a distance and she was really really mad! The only thing that backfired was that she called my husband and he came and picked her up. The thing is, I don't even want him back anymore. I just don't want her to have him! She's such a bitch!!!! I just wish I could make him realize that. He's better off with me. But when he does come crawling back I can't wait to tell him no.

 

The one thing I really want to know is why he cheated! I just don't understand what this girl has that I don't. I've been calling her for weeks trying to get her to call me back but she won't answer her phone. Does anyone know a way to get the other woman to pick up? What can I say on her voicemail that will make her call me back? I need to talk to her! I want to know why he did this to ME!!! I want to know what it is about her that is so special! And I also want the opportunity to tell her what a lowlife BITCH she is!!! I hate her so much! I wish she would just go jump off a bridge or get run over by a car! I HATE HER!!!

 

Hasn't anyone else been in this situation? I think it's got to be normal to feel this way, after all she destroyed my entire life. We were so happy until she came along! Some of my family think I'm taking this to far, but honestly this isn't half of what she deserves. I think it would be odd if I didn't feel this way.

 

I want to know from someone who's been there, how much more do I have to make her pay until I'll feel like it's enough? It felt really good messing with her car, but I still feel like doing more to her. I want to go back to living my life, but I can't do that until she pays a little more. I just need to know what else I need to do to feel like myself again, to get her out of my head.

 

:confused::confused:

 

Um...you're actions are making you out to be a real psycho. I suprised you haven't been thrown in jail yet. If you keep stalking this woman--which, like others have said, is EXACTLY what you are doing--you will end up in jail.

 

I doubt anything that happens to this woman is going to satisfy you. What do you plan on doing? Tying her up and keeping her in the basement? I mean, you have to let this go. Yes, things seem bad now, but it will be a whole lot worse when you are in jail, your husband has custody of the kids, and she is playing mother to them. How would you like that? THINK about your actions! What kind of example are you setting for your kids?

 

Also, just because she had an affair with your husband doesn't make her an awful person. I'm not condoning affairs, but we all make mistakes. She might even really be in love with him. Have you thought of that? LOL, she would have to be to continue staying with him even though you are stalking her and causing her such emotional distress.

 

I do hope things get better for you, but you have to stop behaving this way! For your and your children's sakes.

[sedgwick]

I'm actually starting to wonder if someone posted this as a joke.