"we were on a break!" - +rollercoaster

[disenchanted]

(Too long, I'm sorry) I bolded the important parts!

 

I have been dating a man 8 years younger than myself. I am divorced and have a 5 year-old daughter. He has never been married and does not have children. We have been dating for a year and half. In this time, we have “broken up” at least 15 times. Usually beginning with an argument, and ending with him storming out and leaving. He lives two hours away, which further complicates our relationship. We have talked of marriage, but we are not engaged.

 

One of our most recent arguments was regarding the fact that he feels like he cannot move away from his town. He wants to be there for his parents. My argument is that I cannot move my daughter away from her friends, and her father. She has already been through enough with my divorce. I don’t think moving her to a different town and a different school would be good for her at this point. My boyfriend, tells me has to pay off his car before he can start getting his house ready to sell. So, the marriage is at least 2 years in the future at best.

 

He is a very caring man, coming from a good family (parents still married). He doesn’t drink or have much of a social life. He does seem to be very insecure. I have all but stopped talking to my male friends because of the turmoil it caused early in our relationship. He still seems so afraid that I will suddenly find someone new and dump him.

 

Last week, I had to travel 1 ½ hours away for a funeral. The funeral was for a relative of a co-worker of mine, and a few of us from the office all went together. At first, he was angry that I did not invite him to go. He did not know the person who died; he just wanted to spend time with me. On the way back from the funeral, my co-workers and I stopped for lunch in a town that is near his town. Later that evening, I mentioned where we had eaten, and he was angry that I did not call him to join us for lunch. I told him that it was at a time that he would have been getting ready to go to work and it would not have been convenient for him, and that I just didn’t feel it was appropriate. It would have seemed awkward. We ended up breaking up over this whole deal, because I would not admit that I was wrong for not inviting him. He insists that I am somehow embarrassed of him, which I am not. I felt that he was being irrational.

 

We did not speak for two days, even though I did send him a couple of emails and called once, with no answer. I found out through a friend of a friend that he had just begun “talking to” or had begun dating someone else. She is 24 and has no children. I was outraged that he could find someone so soon. I felt that he staged the break up in order to clear his path to her. He said they had not exchanged phone numbers until that very night we broke up. I found this out to be true as he gave me the password to his cell phone bill online. That night, they text-messaged each other all night long, at least a hundred times. (They were both working night shifts). Then they spoke for an hour on the phone in the morning when their shifts had ended. They even sent each other 2 picture messages each. He says the pictures were of his dogs, and hers of a snowman. I figured they were more likely sexual, as he enjoys that type of thing. There is no way to know what the content of their messages or pictures were.

 

Now, after finding this out, I forgave him and wanted to work things out. He said he would end contact with her and I do believe he has. However, I am sick with feeling as though I was betrayed. He insists “we were on a break!” and is angry that I am upset. I have tried not to think of what they spoke about, or how often he spoke to her in person (flirting) before getting her phone number. My mind gets carried away and I feel so jealous and resentful. He has many, many text messages and phone calls on his cell phone from various people, many of them girls. He is in law enforcement, so many of them are work related. I can never verify the content because he deletes them. Last night, I let my mind get away from me and told him that I was worried about what he does when he is not with me. I was not confrontational, only calm and worried. He became angry and stormed out, saying that I needed to stop it, to stop beating him up for what he did. I was really just asking for reassurance. It apparently backfired and he stormed out, leaving me my house key and garage door opener.

 

This morning, he started texting me, and has called twice. I have not answered. His text message just says “Well, I have tried to talk to you, but you won’t talk to me. I am sorry for leaving, I was just upset. Still love you and hope we can work it out.” He never even mentioned concern for my feelings.

 

I feel that this is just a game to him, getting angry and leaving – then calling the next day to patch things up. I have told him that it is very hard on me, that even though I know we usually work it out, every time I think, “It’s really over this time”. I have been through counseling, after my divorce, and it was determined I have abandonment issues. My ex-husband rarely spent time with me, and was unfaithful (once). I have a professional career and a daughter to raise- I don’t have time to play games like this!

 

My question is….should I let this be over? Or can someone give me some direction in order to pick up the pieces and make it work?

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

All I needed to read was "we've been together a year and a half and broken up fifteen times." If someone's broken up with someone once, there is usually legitimate enough reason for them to stay apart. But fifteen times? Unless you're an extremely overdramatic teenager, this is NOT normal, and is most certainly not a sign of a healthy relationship.

 

He sounds like bad news, in any case. Please, do what you should have done fourteen tries ago.

[lovelorcet]

This relationship has the maturity level of one I saw in the 5th grade.

 

Let this guy go and find yourself a real man and you should be asking yourself why you are even putting up with this?

[LucreziaBorgia]

As a parent, I'm not sure I would want a man like this in my daughter's life as a step parent or any sort of parental figure. All I see coming from this is hurt and instability.

[disenchanted]

I'm beginning to see the light. Even by re-reading what I wrote myself! I appreciate all the input. I will make an effort to help others out too. THANKS, Guys!

[Cobra_X30]

I'm beginning to see the light. Even by re-reading what I wrote myself! I appreciate all the input. I will make an effort to help others out too. THANKS, Guys!

 

Keep in mind that sometimes liars find it impossible to believe anyone else is truthful. The same goes for jealous people. He may be jealous because at heart he is a flirt and a cheat. He then finds it impossible to believe that you are not.

 

Bottom line. I think you can do better!

[tikigods]

This kind of instablity can't be good for your daughter. I say its time to find someone more stable for your sake and hers, but being together for a year and breaking up 15 times, to me that SCREAMS that this isn't worth your time or effort anymore