Tragedi67 Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 I have been married almost a year in July with what I thought was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We've been together three years now, but recently things have been doing downhill. He has a female friend which he works with whom he spends a lot of time with. She is divorced but I think she has a boyfriend that she may still be intimate with. Well about six months ago, my husband bought her a $200 gift certificate for a day spa. His birthday was a couple days later and she gave him the birthday suit bear that vermont teddy bear company makes. We go bowling with her and her "boyfriend" once a week, but my husband has been alone with her a couple times that I'm aware of. I've tried confronting both of them and she told me that nothing is going on. I'm seeking marriage counseling even though my husband thinks it would be a waste if he went. He's recently told me that he doesn't love me as much as he used to but still has been showing me affection. I'm trying to change so I'm not a naggy bitch like he says he doesn't like to come home to. This is both of our first marriage, but I'm 25 and have had a lot more relationships than my husband has. I've been so depressed lately I'm on antidepressants now. I'm not sure whether I'm comfortable with the relationship he has with this girl. He knows this and still he continues to go over to her house and play cards with her and her family. I don't think I'm strong enough to leave him yet, I'm trying to make our marriage work but when he's not showing me signs, it's pretty hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 Your last sentence said it all. If your husband isn't interested in making the marriage work....and thinks it would be a waste of time if he accompanied you to counselling...it's only a matter of time. I'm really sorry but marriage is a two-person thing and can't be executed with only one person trying. When you get ready, try to beat him to the punch and serve him with divorce papers before he serves you. Meanwhile, I hope you will start making a new life for yourself while your husband is over at his "friends" house visiting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tragedi67 Posted June 26, 2003 Author Share Posted June 26, 2003 I'm not sure if I want to serve him with divorce papers, I think I wanna know whether he has the balls enough to serve me with them if he's so unhappy with me. I'm trying to be friends with this girl, and when the two of them are around each other it looks platonic, but I may never know. My husband married me knowing that I was an outgoing person who had friends that some if not most of the time did some bad things, and he told me that he wanted to change me. He did in some ways, but now he tells me he doesn't know what he wants, and then tells me he wants to be alone. He has a fit when I call him on his cell phone more than twice when he's out at this girls' house and I just want to know when he'll be home. Don't I have a right to know where my husband is???? I have been trying to give him respect by calling him and letting him know where I'm going, but he thinks I'm treating him like a child. Link to post Share on other sites
flower Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 Hi I can understand your situation pretty well if not close because my dad treats my mum in the same way though they are still together. He has a very close divorced lady friend too and my mum, like you, is "forced" into being friends with her. As a child and even now as an adult, it affects me so. I can see that lady can hold conversations with my dad while my mum could not. This is one factor. I am not happy with my dad for not loving my mum enough to stop being "friends" with her but on the other hand, I also feel maybe my mum has a part to play in not able to hold his attention as a wife. My mum is too weak-minded to leave my dad. Till today, this matter is grey in my mind and has affected me in subtle but strong ways. (example, it crushed my respect for my dad, it distracted me in my studies when young, my insecurity in marriage life before I met my husband...). My point in this message is if you have children or wish to have children in future, would you want them to grow up like how I did? Just to share my thoughts, maybe you have a better way of handling your children if you stay with him, I don't know. All the best! Link to post Share on other sites
moonspinner Posted November 17, 2003 Share Posted November 17, 2003 You deserve to better. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
Faerie Princess Posted November 18, 2003 Share Posted November 18, 2003 If he wants to be YOUR husband, he needs to start working on the relationship the two of you have. Tell him that you'll stand for nothing less. That you will do your part, and work together to find happiness and friendship with each other, but if he isn't willing to do his part, and show dedication the the marriage, that it needs to end. And stick to your guns. If he's not willing to do his part for your marriage, to be your friend and companion and lover, then why be married to him? Link to post Share on other sites
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