Sexually abused, physically abused and??

[xb0iib0iix]

Since I was little, I have always been physically abused by my dad, then my big brother who is 18 started physically abusing me when I was about 10 or 11. I am nearly 14 now. When I was about 9 or 10 my grandfather touched me like five times then he moved out of our house. I was paralysed when he touched me down there. I was frozen and couldnt move or speak, then finally I tried to turn around with wide open eyes. Is he still wrong when I didnt make him stop. Is this sexual abuse? I definately try stop my big brother and dad though, sometimes I grab objects to defend myself. But it never works. Only a knife does and that makes them even more angry and violent. I just do small things like not go to bed when they tell me to or try to stand up for myself when they say mean things.

 

The month I turned 13 I got lead to a dark place and this drunk random who was about 20 something had sex with me. Again, I was paralysed and scared, once I asked him to get off me but he kept going, it really hurt and I bled a little bit. Then finally he fell asleep on top of me, I couldnt move for like 5 minutes, I was really upset and was crying. I pushed him off and ran away.

 

My mum sometimes is calling me names like slut, whore etc. and tells me to not wear so much makeup and change my clothes. Once, I was going to the beach to see my friends. I was dressed in some short shorts, cardigan and bikini top, she yelled at me for about an hour telling me to stop acting like a slut etc. and wouldnt let me go see my friends, she knew I was going to the beach. She always makes me cry and accuses me of doing things I dont do. Now she is following me everywhere I go and wont let me do a thing with my friends apart from going to school. She is ruining my social life and I am really really upset. Is this classified as abuse?

 

From year 4 to year 8 I was bullied at school because I told my so-called friends about what happened to me, 90% of them didnt believe me and called me names and things. I had no friends and cried almost everyday. Now I am a year 9 and there are still rumours going around about me. People I dont even know come up to me and ask me sick questions or they say hey boiana to me, I ask them how they know my name, and they say everybody is talking about me.

 

When I was a year 7 to 8, I used to cut and got so depressed, I got bullied even more. I started having sex with guys alot and sleeping around and I always felt dirty afterwards and would break down crying. I am most likely to be pregnant now and I dont know what the hell to do.

 

I told the police once, they said "go to the authorities" and walked off, I was so angry then and didnt tell anybody else again. I dont trust anymore adults and stuff. I dont know anything about the authorities etc.

 

I live in New Zealand, north island. Please give me advice and help me, I really have nothing to live for!!!!

[sunnydebrunnette]

Seek HELP. I know that you probably don't want to trust any adults right now, but there are people out there that want to help you. Here is a website that may help you to get started:

http://sasupport.healthyplace2.com/contact.html

Here is another one:

http://www.hotpeachpages.net/

 

They will help you find a rape/abuse hot line IN YOUR AREA.

If you don't trust the police, tell someone else.

PLEASE check it out. Tell people what is going on. Good for you for having the courage to speak out.

NEVER be afraid to do that.

You can have a better life.

Please talk to these people-they are professionals that want to help you.

Do it TODAY. For yourself.

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

There IS hope.

Best of luck-

[Jade 02]

Yes XB don't keep this inside,and certainly seek help,keep looking till you find it. Help is out there.

Is there a guidance councelor at your school? We use to hav them,and they can help you.

 

You do have something to live for,and your here for a reason. You are just lik anyone of us here on this forum,a person. Try to see a guidance councelor at your school k? Can you try that first? And if someone rapes you,you call 911(I'm learning that too,don't be afraid to call the police).

[Green]

what has happened to you is horible. But it doesnt make you a slut or a bad person because the people who were suposed to protect you abused you. Maybe you could tell a teacher at school about this, or just copy and paste what you wrote here and email it to your teacher at school. The kids at school won't find out and you don't need to tell them anything you don't want, but please just tell a teacher. Some one needs to start taking care of you.