How does the MM really feel about the OW?

[Tame]

are exceptions to rules. I won’t say every rule because there are some rules that were NOT meant to be broken. However, there are exceptions to rules. This post is being typed with that fact in mind.

 

With that being said there was a radio show on this morning in the city I live in and they have a segment called “Ask The Guys.” Basically it is a segment where a woman calls or emails in a question that most all women want to know the answer to. They have covered things like 1. Why guys don’t call back? 2. Do men really like big butts? 3. Are men turned off by women who wear granny panties, etc. Well today the topic was: How do men who cheat FEEL about their other women? Several men called in to the show and ALL of them said they have little to no REAL emotional attachment to the women on the side. One guy said there must be ‘some’ type of feeling, likely sexual attraction, or the guy wouldn’t cheat. But when it comes to deep emotional attachment, it isn’t there. They play “Mr. Nice Guy” but really the other woman is there to fulfill some need the wife is not AND they are turned on by the secrecy of it all. Furthermore they likely will not leave their main squeeze for the other woman b/c there really isn’t much respect there. The DJ asked one of the guys if he asks about the other woman’s day and does he really care about her response, he said ‘not really.’ The general consensus was that a MM will cheat with any willing partner but they will not leave their wives. AND when they wives do catch the man cheating, the wives forgive them! Just like you feel powerful knowing you can bed another woman’s husband, the wife is not going to give up her husband w/o a fight. Sure it is b/c she loves and believes her husband but she is also competing with the other woman. And she has the upper hand in the fight; that, combined with the fact that the other woman is often a fling, is why the wife usually keeps the man.

 

What is the moral of the story? It is very likely, although there are exceptions, that what your MM is feeding you is a load of crap. Remember, only 10% leave their wives for the other woman. That means 90% are being played. All they want from you is sex and if they can get the added bonus of becoming ‘friends’ with you they are guaranteed to keep you around for a long time and the odds are very good that you will never tell their wife. Why would want to ruin your ‘friends’ relationship?

 

Think about it.

Edited February 6, 2008 by Tame
Formatting

[nellstar]

So what if it's a LDR? How does that work when there isn't any physical thing going on?

[mopar crazy]

My WH A w/ the OW was part of the "10%" you speak of. He did leave me for the OW. He did tell her he loved her, wanted to spend the rest of his life w/ her, blah, blah, blah. Their A lasted 3 months and that was it. He came crawling back to me, begging me to take him back, asking for forgiveness, ya get the picture. I did take him back b/c I did want to see if our M could survive his infidelity. We were separated for 3 months during the A and then another 3 after the A. It's been 5 years. Do I think he loved her? I don't know. When I showed my IC the love letters and asked him how I could get back w/ him knowing he loved the OW and said those things to her he asked me "Have you ever thought you loved someone but you really didn't." Made me think and he was right. I think H was "in love" w/ how she made him feel, not for who she was.

[Tame]

So what if it's a LDR? How does that work when there isn't any physical thing going on?

 

Of course they didn't cover that topic. But I would say you must remember that MM have no reason to rush being intimate the OW, they can still have sex w/their wives of other flings. Again, they have nothing but time. The thing with developing a 'relationship' with a MM is that he is using you to achieve something he is otherwise lacking, the same is true for you. Just like he makes you feel special, he must be stoked that he can talk to another woman about almost anything and get your understanding and support. I'm sure he also feels desirable and important, something that men can lose once they are married. It has often been said that a person can the loneliest when they are married.

 

HOWEVER, developing an emotional attachment to someone who is emotionally unavailable can never work out good for you. I imagine if the two of you weren't LD it would physical. But why get involved with someone who doesn't think enough of you to leave his current relationship to be with you or at least be an honest enough person to hold off developing a relationship with you until the current one is over? You don't even get to see your MM so he could really, really, really tell you anything under the sun and you will believe him, even though it is quite possible that he is lying to you and his spouse. You can rationalize it if you want but if you are not dating other people and developing feelings for a man that you can't have physically or emotionally you might want to ask yourself who is in charge of your relationship.

 

I wish you the best.

[nellstar]

Of course they didn't cover that topic. But I would say you must remember that MM have no reason to rush being intimate the OW, they can still have sex w/their wives of other flings. Again, they have nothing but time. The thing with developing a 'relationship' with a MM is that he is using you to achieve something he is otherwise lacking, the same is true for you. Just like he makes you feel special, he must be stoked that he can talk to another woman about almost anything and get your understanding and support. I'm sure he also feels desirable and important, something that men can lose once they are married. It has often been said that a person can the loneliest when they are married.

 

HOWEVER, developing an emotional attachment to someone who is emotionally unavailable can never work out good for you. I imagine if the two of you weren't LD it would physical. But why get involved with someone who doesn't think enough of you to leave his current relationship to be with you or at least be an honest enough person to hold off developing a relationship with you until the current one is over? You don't even get to see your MM so he could really, really, really tell you anything under the sun and you will believe him, even though it is quite possible that he is lying to you and his spouse. You can rationalize it if you want but if you are not dating other people and developing feelings for a man that you can't have physically or emotionally you might want to ask yourself who is in charge of your relationship.

 

I wish you the best.

 

Thanks but I don't need your wish as I'm not in an LDR . Just curious about the answers. People tend to bring up all sorts of topics to tell OW/OM that they are not good enough or MM/MW don't really need them and all that. It's like... OW/OM are really that important for people to come up with new threads...

[Tame]

Thanks but I don't need your wish as I'm not in an LDR . Just curious about the answers. People tend to bring up all sorts of topics to tell OW/OM that they are not good enough or MM/MW don't really need them and all that. It's like... OW/OM are really that important for people to come up with new threads...

 

Or...really important enough for you to read and then go thru the trouble of making up questions you don't want the answer to...

 

Moving on.

[nellstar]

Or...really important enough for you to read and then go thru the trouble of making up questions you don't want the answer to...

 

Moving on.

 

Nahh.. I was just bored..

[Lizzie60]

are exceptions to rules. I won’t say every rule because there are some rules that were NOT meant to be broken. However, there are exceptions to rules. This post is being typed with that fact in mind.

 

With that being said there was a radio show on this morning in the city I live in and they have a segment called “Ask The Guys.” Basically it is a segment where a woman calls or emails in a question that most all women want to know the answer to. They have covered things like 1. Why guys don’t call back? 2. Do men really like big butts? 3. Are men turned off by women who wear granny panties, etc. Well today the topic was: How do men who cheat FEEL about their other women? Several men called in to the show and ALL of them said they have little to no REAL emotional attachment to the women on the side. One guy said there must be ‘some’ type of feeling, likely sexual attraction, or the guy wouldn’t cheat. But when it comes to deep emotional attachment, it isn’t there. They play “Mr. Nice Guy” but really the other woman is there to fulfill some need the wife is not AND they are turned on by the secrecy of it all. Furthermore they likely will not leave their main squeeze for the other woman b/c there really isn’t much respect there. The DJ asked one of the guys if he asks about the other woman’s day and does he really care about her response, he said ‘not really.’ The general consensus was that a MM will cheat with any willing partner but they will not leave their wives. AND when they wives do catch the man cheating, the wives forgive them! Just like you feel powerful knowing you can bed another woman’s husband, the wife is not going to give up her husband w/o a fight. Sure it is b/c she loves and believes her husband but she is also competing with the other woman. And she has the upper hand in the fight; that, combined with the fact that the other woman is often a fling, is why the wife usually keeps the man.

 

What is the moral of the story? It is very likely, although there are exceptions, that what your MM is feeding you is a load of crap. Remember, only 10% leave their wives for the other woman. That means 90% are being played. All they want from you is sex and if they can get the added bonus of becoming ‘friends’ with you they are guaranteed to keep you around for a long time and the odds are very good that you will never tell their wife. Why would want to ruin your ‘friends’ relationship?

 

Think about it.

 

Well.. there was a consensus because the ones that are truly in love with their OW didn't call...

 

You seem to be on a mission against OW..

 

I was 18 years with my first MM... (common-law) and I finally left him.. otherwise I would probably still be with him... He never really recovered (it's been 11 years now).

 

Don't forget that the MM is also feeding his W with a load of crap..

 

You know these 'radio surveys' are load of BS.. any 18 yr old can call and say whatever they feel like it.

 

You seem to think that only men 'use' women for sex.. what about women who 'use' men for sex and stuff...

 

Think about it...

[Owl]

How does the MM really feel about the OW?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

are exceptions to rules. I won’t say every rule because there are some rules that were NOT meant to be broken. However, there are exceptions to rules. This post is being typed with that fact in mind.

 

Has anyone else noticed a trend recently on the board? There were two other posters here, very recently, who started their posts with that bold "start statement" methodology. And I've not seen that way of starting a thread often before.

 

Things that make you say....hmmmmmmm.

[Tame]

Well.. there was a consensus because the ones that are truly in love with their OW didn't call...

 

You seem to be on a mission against OW..

 

I was 18 years with my first MM... (common-law) and I finally left him.. otherwise I would probably still be with him... He never really recovered (it's been 11 years now).

 

Don't forget that the MM is also feeding his W with a load of crap..

 

You know these 'radio surveys' are load of BS.. any 18 yr old can call and say whatever they feel like it.

 

You seem to think that only men 'use' women for sex.. what about women who 'use' men for sex and stuff...

 

Think about it...

 

I seem to recall typing that there are exceptions to rules. Apparently something I said struck a nerve with you so you feel the need to 'validate' your past or prest EMA's. If you are so confident with your choices it seems you wouldn't have made the decision to reveal and or attempt to validate your situation since no one asked.

 

I could care less about OW in particular but am very concerned for women in general. If there is some women out there considering becoming the OW as if that is some type of prize then I obviously would urge them to reconsider. Neither the OW or the MM are saints but neither are they villians. They are adults who have chosen to make poor choices and selfish choices and the result is often disastrous. If you have significant evidence that suggests otherwise, besides your assertion that anyone can call in to a radio show, I would be happy to read it. Otherwise, I will continue to believe there is a reason MM don't leave their wives and women who chose to become emotionally attached OW are selling themselves short.

[Lizzie60]

Has anyone else noticed a trend recently on the board? There were two other posters here, very recently, who started their posts with that bold "start statement" methodology. And I've not seen that way of starting a thread often before.

 

Things that make you say....hmmmmmmm.

 

I know...

[nellstar]

 

Things that make you say....hmmmmmmm.

 

Oohh aaahh.... ooohhh aaaahhhh....

 

Whatever floats their boat, you know.

[Tomcat33]

In my city I listen to a morning show that has a section called "What's wrong with you" During the "What's wrong with you" section of the show callers call in to disuss secrets about themselves that most people don't know. For example a guy will call in and talk about how he secretly thinks his W is a cow and he thinks of porn chicks while he does her, or a woman will expose that she had an affiar with her H's best friend and they both use her H's money to pay for the nightly escapades. Or some guy will call in to reveal that while his w is at work he is doing her best friend and makes her wear his W's lingerie.

 

I suppose if what they aired on these radio shows were the calls that claimed "I secretly have been planning a special night for my spouse and when he/she comes home tonight I am doing something special for them, simply because I love them" no one would be interested in hearing the show. There is a delay in aritime and the calls are usually screened ahead of time in order to make the "best calls" make it to air. most of it is staged in that respect.

 

You gotta take these things with a grain of salt is what I am getting at, in case my point is missed.

[Tame]

that there are women on here who have previously been or are currently involved in affairs with MM. I have not taken the time to nor am I interested in reading everyone's story to catch up on what has been going on in your lives so my posts are not addressing anyone in particular. My posts are not to accuse or judge anyone. If you cannot bear reading my thoughts about women empowering themselves and rising above these emotionally dead end relationships then don't read them because they are not meant for you. However if you are currently struggling to get out of an EMA or having thought about entering one, I obviously am not cruel enough to recommend 'doing your own thing' in this regard. There are a million ways to do your own thing and doing someone else's thing and taking on their problems should be last on your list of things to do. That my honest opinion and it's all love.

[nellstar]

At the same time, there's no stopping anyone from voicing their views/opinions here. You can't tell people to stay away from your thread. I don't know about the rest but I do find this useful... hilarious too. It's really helping me through my days... especially when I have a lot to do and reading threads like this put a smile on my face :)

[OWoman]

If you cannot bear reading my thoughts about women empowering themselves and rising above these emotionally dead end relationships then don't read them because they are not meant for you.

 

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

 

All As = emotionally dead end relationships.

No Ms = emotionally dead end relationships.

 

Owl, you sure were right about the sweeping statement bit!

 

(oops, must be careful, starting to agree with you again... )

[Tame]

At the same time, there's no stopping anyone from voicing their views/opinions here. You can't tell people to stay away from your thread. I don't know about the rest but I do find this useful... hilarious too. It's really helping me through my days... especially when I have a lot to do and reading threads like this put a smile on my face :)

 

I also don't recall telling anyone to stay away. I actually hope the women who do feel guilty continue to read because it's a sign that they are thinking, even though they are fighting it.

 

I would like to say that reading someone's thread is one thing but alluding to the person not being who they say they are or making passive/aggressive attempts at being rude is not mature or necessary. We can all have a discussion even if we disagree if we all respect each other as people. If you start a thread I promise I won't come there to make up a fake question or chastise you for talking about a subject that I don't think makes much sense. That is my promise to you and I hope you can see where I am coming from.

Edited February 6, 2008 by Tame
Grammar

[Tame]

In my city I listen to a morning show that has a section called "What's wrong with you" During the "What's wrong with you" section of the show callers call in to disuss secrets about themselves that most people don't know. For example a guy will call in and talk about how he secretly thinks his W is a cow and he thinks of porn chicks while he does her, or a woman will expose that she had an affiar with her H's best friend and they both use her H's money to pay for the nightly escapades. Or some guy will call in to reveal that while his w is at work he is doing her best friend and makes her wear his W's lingerie.

 

I suppose if what they aired on these radio shows were the calls that claimed "I secretly have been planning a special night for my spouse and when he/she comes home tonight I am doing something special for them, simply because I love them" no one would be interested in hearing the show. There is a delay in aritime and the calls are usually screened ahead of time in order to make the "best calls" make it to air. most of it is staged in that respect.

 

You gotta take these things with a grain of salt is what I am getting at, in case my point is missed.

 

If I based all of my thoughts, emotions and opinions on what I hear on the radio I would believe in aliens and think all Latinos should go back where they came from, to name a few ignorant things I hear on the radio.

 

The purpose of the thread is to give some women some insight on what really goes on in the mind of some married men. And the fact that the MM don't leave their wives leads me to believe these men are telling the truth.

[sarme]

Just like you feel powerful knowing you can bed another woman’s husband, the wife is not going to give up her husband w/o a fight. Sure it is b/c she loves and believes her husband but she is also competing with the other woman. And she has the upper hand in the fight; that, combined with the fact that the other woman is often a fling, is why the wife usually keeps the man.

 

What is the moral of the story? It is very likely, although there are exceptions, that what your MM is feeding you is a load of crap. Remember, only 10% leave their wives for the other woman. That means 90% are being played. All they want from you is sex and if they can get the added bonus of becoming ‘friends’ with you they are guaranteed to keep you around for a long time and the odds are very good that you will never tell their wife. Why would want to ruin your ‘friends’ relationship?

 

Think about it.

 

That's for sure!! Some BSes will put up a fight strictly for competitve reasons not for true love, true love would not lead a partner to want to go off with antoher human being. Huny in regards to the last comment you made about how only 10% leave their wives, mine left her to be with me, we are happily together and we plan to get married. I guess my sweetie must have liked the sex that much considering he had to give up his "real love" to be with me? LOL

[Tomcat33]

If I based all of my thoughts, emotions and opinions on what I hear on the radio I would believe in aliens and think all Latinos should go back where they came from, to name a few ignorant things I hear on the radio.

 

The purpose of the thread is to give some women some insight on what really goes on in the mind of some married men. And the fact that the MM don't leave their wives leads me to believe these men are telling the truth.

 

Hmmmm so you don't believe everything you hear on the radio yet you want to make a bold statement in reagards to what REALLY goes on in married men's live's based on three calls you heard on the radio.

Interesting...

 

 

Am I the only one that sees the huge irony in that statement?

Edited February 6, 2008 by Tomcat33
typos

[Tame]

That's for sure!! Some BSes will put up a fight strictly for competitve reasons not for true love, true love would not lead a partner to want to go off with antoher human being. Huny in regards to the last comment you made about how only 10% leave their wives, mine left her to be with me, we are happily together and we plan to get married. I guess my sweetie must have liked the sex that much considering he had to give up his "real love" to be with me? LOL

 

 

Congrats. I just hope he didn't marry you for sex, unless you're being facetious, which seems to be a common theme in this thread...

[Tame]

Hmmmm so you don't believe everything you hear on the radio yet you want to make a bold statement in reagards to what REALLY goes on in married men's live's based on three calls you heard on the radio.

Interesting...

 

 

Am I the only one that sees the huge irony in that statement?

 

 

You probably are the only who sees the irony in that statement, since I clearly stated that the proof is not in what was said on the radio, but in the fact that MM really don't leave.

 

You might want to read that again.

 

Edited to add: I wonder why these men would call in just to lie about how they REALLY feel. Lord knows it makes it much easier on them to call in and admit to being dogs while getting grilled by the DJ's, as opposed to saying they really love the OW but just don't know how to get out. Hummm...

Edited February 6, 2008 by Tame
Just because...

[sarme]

Congrats. I just hope he didn't marry you for sex, unless you're being facetious, which seems to be a common theme in this thread...

 

It's not about seeking congratulations, its about pointing out that not everything is some bogus stat pulled out of a hat. While our sex life is totally great, thank you very much... ;-) we are together for love, the great sex obviously comes along with that.And yes TomCat33 I see the irony too, good point in flagging that. It's very funny. LOL

[nellstar]

It's not about seeking congratulations, its about pointing out that not everything is some bogus stat pulled out of a hat. While our sex life is totally great, thank you very much... ;-) we are together for love, the great sex obviously comes along with that.And yes TomCat33 I see the irony too, good point in flagging that. It's very funny. LOL

 

I think it's quite hard for some to comprehend that there is more to sex with OW.

[Tomcat33]

I wonder why these men would call in just to lie about how they REALLY feel. Lord knows it makes it much easier on them to call in and admit to being dogs while getting grilled by the DJ's, as opposed to saying they really love the OW but just don't know how to get out. Hummm...

 

 

I don't doubt they were telling the truth, I don't see why they would lie about that infact. I do however think it's silly to base the intentions of ALL men who have had A, based on the claims of a handful of men that called in to a radio show. And you DID make that claim in your opening statment.

 

For all you know those callers could have never even been in the situation they could have been speaking hypothetically on how they "would feel IF in that situation", and just talked as if they had experienced it. There are many variables to the scenario before you can make a sweeping statment like "all men use women in affairs" based on that alone.

 

I have heard some men speak very poorly of women of how they use them and sleep with them and chuck them and basically have no respect for women who sleep with them too soon (for example) now if I were to claim ALL MEN use women, that would be a big assumption to make on the admission of a few men who actually do that.