How does the MM really feel about the OW?

[Tomcat33]

OWl NEVER insulted her he simply asked her some questions that clearly made her uncomfortable, she has been very disrespectful and insutling to serveral people in this thread and clearly she doesn't know that insulting people just because they don't agree with you or question your opinions is not cool.

 

Tame is like a new family member, is the constant questioning of his/her motives really all that welcoming?

 

So what would be "welcoming", posting that we all agree that all men who have affairs don't love their OW and only use them because three men said so on some radio show in Ohio?

[OpenBook]

Again, I did not ask nor was I concerned with your personal situation.

 

But isn't that your premise why you started this thread? Because you WERE concerned about all women's "personal situation"?

 

If you think sleeping with someone else's husband is a good way to find love and is as successful as other methods like, dating a single man and eventually marrying him, then good on you.

 

OK, I'll do the "more successful method" and go date a single man, eventually marry him... and then voila! I can be a BS when he cheats on me!! Oh COULD I??

[LIVEWIRE]

I am also new to the forum. I will not be disrepectful, but I have also noticed that many of the Other Women who post are very defensive

and rude when questioned about their affairs. I am not in an affair, but I

am also interested in knowing what keeps one involved in one.

It is simply curiosity. My intention is not to offend anyone.

I have read through this entire thread and I have not seen where Tame

has been disrepectful of anyone with her line of questions. Rather I have seen her words twisted and distorted as if she is here to cause trouble. As far as I have seen she has not.

[Tomcat33]

I am not in an affair, but I

am also interested in knowing what keeps one involved in one.

It is simply curiosity.

 

 

You should start a thread about it. I am sure you will get tons of responses to statisfy your curiosity.

 

This thread was not about that is was to point out:

 

What is the moral of the story? It is very likely, although there are exceptions, that what your MM is feeding you is a load of crap. Remember, only 10% leave their wives for the other woman. That means 90% are being played. All they want from you is sex and if they can get the added bonus of becoming ‘friends’ with you they are guaranteed to keep you around for a long time and the odds are very good that you will never tell their wife. Why would want to ruin your ‘friends’ relationship?

 

Think about it.

 

 

Well I have thought about it, and I don't agree and I voiced my opinion on it.

 

PS the reason you can't see where the insults are is because it appears that the mods deleted the insulting posts, they were here earlier. If you look at other people's posts you can sometimes see them requoting what TAME had said. Others are gone.

[Lizzie60]

I don't know where those stats come from?

 

10% hummm....

 

Tame, maybe you could post a link about the stats...

[Tomcat33]

Lizzie you are looking mighty tanned!! Did you go away again? :lmao:

Sorry I couldn't resist!!

 

Yeah I asked her where she comes up with her stats earlier, and I could have sworn I saw tumbleweed roll across my computer screen..

[Lizzie60]

Lizzie you are looking mighty tanned!! Did you go away again? :lmao:

Sorry I couldn't resist!!

 

Yeah I asked her where she comes up with her stats earlier, and I could have sworn I saw tumbleweed roll across my computer screen..

 

... ... isn't he a cutie?

[Tomcat33]

... ... isn't he a cutie?

yes he is! must be one of your Dominican boy toys?

[GreenEyedLady]

That doesn't seem fair to me. Why say she needs to respect someone that hasn't really shown her much since she posted this? In her defense, she is giving exactly what she was given. Owl hasn't earned much respect in his posts to her because he came across as if he suspected her of being a troll or just trying to stir things up.

 

Respect is certainly earned, but in some instances, it needs to first be given. Tame is like a new family member, is the constant questioning of his/her motives really all that welcoming?

 

And no Owl, I am not attacking you - just hoping to help a newbie feel more comfortable being herself in her posts.

 

I like and respect Owl and I wanted to lend my support...I couldn't let a newbie call him sullen and a hypocrite...It was quite rude and uncalled for...

 

Perhaps the newbie should tread lighter next time...

[OWoman]

Oh well, if we're doing anecdotal stuff, my husband's first wife thinks (has always thought, and has told their daughter numerous times) that I am/was the OW. The truth is that I met him a few weeks after his divorce from her was final.

 

So.... sometimes it also appears that the MM left for an OW - but really didn't .

 

Silk!! You're an undercover OW!!!!! And you've kept it hidden all this time...

 

I'm sure you're correct in terms of assumption - I was talking (again, anecdotally) about couples I know personally, who are open about their history. (That seems to be a cultural difference - there's no shame here in having, or having had, an A, so nobody feels the need to hide these things.)

[OWoman]

And even when another study is done with all the desired protocols and sampling requirements, it will STILL be debated by those that don't like the outcome.

 

I don't think the stats we have are basic "he said, she said", at least they DID have a sample group. Anything said on this forum about people we know IS "he said, she said" though, and is totally subjective.

 

NID - I'm not sure which study / studies you're referring to as the source/s of the stats, could you give some details please?

[OWoman]

Owl hasn't earned much respect in his posts to her because he came across as if he suspected her of being a troll or just trying to stir things up.

 

And he's been proven wrong, how?

 

I'm with the others on this - Owl's response was challenging, but not disrespectful. It was very "Owl", actually - I've never come across disrespect in his posts even where he's blunt about his disagreement. I've had many disagreements with Owl (and far too many agreements for comfort ) but I always respect his views and the way he puts them across.

 

Thanks mods for speedy action removing the insults - with so many newbies around, it would be nicer for them to see grown-ups acting like grown-ups in the sand box!

[NoIDidn't]

NID - I'm not sure which study / studies you're referring to as the source/s of the stats, could you give some details please?

 

I don't know the exact name of the study that is referred to much about affairs, but it was a sample of married men in an airport. Executives for companies, not your average joes.

 

The sample was not random enough to be given the level of credibility that it gets, but its what they have for now.

[NoIDidn't]

And he's been proven wrong, how?

 

I'm with the others on this - Owl's response was challenging, but not disrespectful. It was very "Owl", actually - I've never come across disrespect in his posts even where he's blunt about his disagreement. I've had many disagreements with Owl (and far too many agreements for comfort ) but I always respect his views and the way he puts them across.

 

Thanks mods for speedy action removing the insults - with so many newbies around, it would be nicer for them to see grown-ups acting like grown-ups in the sand box!

 

Hey, I didn't lend my support to a newbie for insults to fly. I have no idea as I wasn't reading here all night.

 

I still don't feel that the "Done. Next please" or whatever was posted was respectful.

 

I happen to find that Owl is very respectful in most cases that I have read his posts to others. He was respectful in the disagreement that I had with him. It just looked like he was piling on with the others that were also not answering the thread in a helpful manner but questioning Tame's motives for posting. Owl didn't put a view across on this one. Just questioned the poster's motives. Newbies don't always know what has already been posted ad naseum on a forum, so I didn't see the point of blaming Tame for other posters screw ups.

 

And as usual, everyone is free to agree or disagree with me on this. This is my perception and opinion on what Tame endured just starting to post his/her own thread.

 

Sorry for the threadjack.

[Tomcat33]

I still don't feel that the "Done. Next please" or whatever was posted was respectful.

 

by that point she has already made some instulting comments to OWL I think he handled that well.

 

 

 

It just looked like he was piling on with the others that were also not answering the thread in a helpful manner but questioning Tame's motives for posting. Owl didn't put a view across on this one. Just questioned the poster's motives. Newbies don't always know what has already been posted ad naseum on a forum, so I didn't see the point of blaming Tame for other posters screw ups.

 

How is this thread OTHER poster's screw ups? Didn't quite get the rationale behind that!?!?

 

At any rate, again this thread was not about seeking support, it was not about opening up the floor for discussion on an opinion (CLEARLY it was not about that because every each and one of us that disagreed with the original post got shafted by the "newbie") so by the time OWL posted the question I guess he asked what a lot of us were already thinking.

 

 

When you post a thread that claims something that is going to rub a mass majority of the nitch pupolation of a forum the wrong way, what do you expect? No one likes to be told "here is your reality check posted by ME (who are you again?) and this is what you are and what your situation is again posted by ME and this is what I blieve about you, it's bound to be questioned. So if you can't stand the questions chose a topic or a way in which you present your topic that is more answer friendly? The answer you expect that is....

 

I thought that was pretty obvious we are all growns up here aren't we?

[silktricks]

Silk!! You're an undercover OW!!!!! And you've kept it hidden all this time...

 

I'm sure you're correct in terms of assumption - I was talking (again, anecdotally) about couples I know personally, who are open about their history. (That seems to be a cultural difference - there's no shame here in having, or having had, an A, so nobody feels the need to hide these things.)

 

:):) tha's me!! :):)

 

No shame. I like that. There's too much judgement going on all the time about everything here in the US.

[Lyssa]

I have missed a lot, haven't I? I just want to say that lately, I have noticed that we've been playing nice except for some trolls who are trying to stir things up around here. I could be wrong as I have been away too.

 

TC hun... Miss you!! [[[[[[HUGS]]]]]]

[Owl]

Well, I really appreciate the support from everyone. Thank you! I saw the comments from Tame, but didn't see a need to respond to them.

 

I'm sure I came across as harsh. The deal is this...given that she wasn't interested in anyone's stories, she made it clear that she wasn't here to 'help' in any fashion. She simply wanted to post a controversial viewpoint on a forum that she was pretty much garaunteed a volatile response from.

 

Here's the funny thing. Ya'll know my view on things...I think that in some ways, she's right with the point she was trying to make. A LOT of MM really have no emotional interest in their OW. I had a friend of mine when I was MUCH younger who was the most professional BS artist I'd ever met...he could charm almost any woman he met. And he did...frequently, and with vigor. He'd get what he wanted...string them on for a while...and when they realized what kind of guy he was they'd drop him and he'd feel there was absolutely nothing wrong with that.

 

He was married that whole time, by the way.

 

But I personally don't think he was the 'rule'. I think that some men do get emotionally involved and attached, and some don't.

 

And there's no point in trying to use a radio show as "proof" to convince a bunch of OW that the man that THEY are with is the kind that doesn't care. The only way that anyone can do that is to show you by your own examples of what you post here on how he treats you that this is how he is...if he is that way. And even then, its more likely that everyone will have to learn from bitter experience...like most of us do.

 

So, in some ways, I can agree with the viewpoint in the original post. What I questioned was the intent of the post and the methodology used to deliver the message. It was very, VERY similar to the postings we've seen during this last wave of trolls. It wasn't posted in a way to 'discuss'...any dissenters with that viewpoint were called out and insulted. After re-reading this thread, the only intent I saw was to fan the flames.

 

Hope this doesn't take us off track of the thread...actually, I hope the situation I mentioned about the guy I knew helps get it back on track and maybe into a real discussion?

[Tame]

Thanks for those who saw that my posts have not been rude or disrespectful to anyone, maybe some sarcasm towards those who were attacking me but certainly not rude, judgmental or callous.

 

What you will learn about me is that I try to be fair and rational but I will stand up for myself, newbie or not. I could see if my post had addressed someone in particular or attempted to call someone out for some post of theirs that I had read. I was simply relaying info I had heard and wanted to share it with those who might find it an interesting read. It is telling that most of the ones who have a problem with the topic are current or former OW/OM who already have their defenses up for obvious reasons. That is not my issue and attacking people for having a differing viewpoint certainly doesn't make anyone look mature. I hope my future posts here will elicit responses from people who agree, disagree, etc. but not from those who are too rude and disrespectful to voice their concerns over my 'motives' in a PM as opposed to flaming and turning a thread into a he said/she said showdown.

[OWoman]

Do you seriously think a gang of OW's are going to come on here and proudly proclaim their MM threw them under the bus?

 

Not proudly, no, but a bunch (gang suggests shared purpose) of OWs do come on here to weep about how their MM threw them under a bus - this forum is, after all, for SUPPORT as well as discussion. And I suspect more feel the need to post when they require support than feel the need to post updates about how wonderful everything is - some posters do pop in years later (there've been a couple of those lately too) to do a report back and an update but once someone's happily moved on, often their presence here wanes. (I suspect they're too busy in the bedroom to spend as much time on the computer.)

 

Point is, in the absence of proper stats, all we're left with is anecdote, and much as we thump tables and demand that MY anecdote can beat up on YOUR anecdote, they stay just anecdotes.

[OWoman]

It is telling that most of the ones who have a problem with the topic are current or former OW/OM who already have their defenses up for obvious reasons.

 

Owl is not a OW / OM (unless he's also a closet one, like Silk? Come, 'fess up now Owl, is that the REAL reason we've been agreeing so much of late?) and yet he was the one you attacked most vehemently. Guess your "defenses are up for obvious reasons" too, then.

 

On the PM issue - you don't get them till you've been around long enough, so that option would not have applied.

[Tomcat33]

Thanks for those who saw that my posts have not been rude or disrespectful to anyone, maybe some sarcasm towards those who were attacking me but certainly not rude, judgmental or callous.

 

What you will learn about me is that I try to be fair and rational but I will stand up for myself, newbie or not. I could see if my post had addressed someone in particular or attempted to call someone out for some post of theirs that I had read. I was simply relaying info I had heard and wanted to share it with those who might find it an interesting read. It is telling that most of the ones who have a problem with the topic are current or former OW/OM who already have their defenses up for obvious reasons. That is not my issue and attacking people for having a differing viewpoint certainly doesn't make anyone look mature. I hope my future posts here will elicit responses from people who agree, disagree, etc. but not from those who are too rude and disrespectful to voice their concerns over my 'motives' in a PM as opposed to flaming and turning a thread into a he said/she said showdown.

 

Sorry but I didn't see that demostrated here. Maybe next time..?

 

In a PM? with 25 posts under your belt you are very far off from being able to use PMs so how exactly did you expect people to "PM" you?

 

I personally don't think people should have to PM you to share a disagreement, I think we should be able to post it in the thread that's what discussion is for. That's "my" understanding of discussion but it appearer you weren't looking to discuss anything....

[OWoman]

And there's no point in trying to use a radio show as "proof" to convince a bunch of OW that the man that THEY are with is the kind that doesn't care. The only way that anyone can do that is to show you by your own examples of what you post here on how he treats you that this is how he is...if he is that way. And even then, its more likely that everyone will have to learn from bitter experience...like most of us do.

 

Now you see Owl, THIS is why I respect your views even when I disagree with them. You LISTEN to what people say, and work from that. You look at each situation on its own merits, based on the information you're given to work with. Your approach is constructive and respectful - even when it's disagreeing or putting something on the line.

 

It's a good way to engage and it takes the discussion forward, not into a downward spiral.

[OWoman]

But you referred to the posters on this thread

 

I wasn't referring to posters on this thread in particular - if I created that impression I apologise.

[Tomcat33]

None of the posters on this thread are OW's who have been tossed aside or are in an ongoing, lengthy, leeeennnngggthy affair with a MM who has yet to leave his W. If all who had been or are in affairs came on this thread and told their true stories, you would probably see the percentage very low for those who had a success story with their MM.

 

 

So it is all that shocking that the posters in this thread had the opinions they did?