White Flower Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 Of course you don't understand, you're not me. Did you ever consider the fact that it might take two people to change to make a marriage better? Could it be possible that we have both come out of this better people? Did I say that I was looking for signs? No, I said that I will never let my gut go unchecked. I also said that I will apply that rule to all areas of my life. Does that mean I'm always looking for something wrong? No, it means that I'm more in tune with my own feelings and that is something that I have learned to do better since MC. You could say that I didn't trust myself or my H very much and I'm now more trusting of both of us. What convinces me that I'm seeing the real person now? I can't even begin to explain it to you because I know based on others threads that you have commented on, you won't understand. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to live with that. I think I hear you clearly. You're saying that your intention is to be aware of anything wrong not that you're looking for something wrong. You won't let things go by without acknowledging it and working on it if need be. It really sounds like you and your H successfully handled the A from how it started to how it will never happen again. That is great. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 Oh I forgot to answer the question "Am I happy?" Yes I am! But, I think you (Open Book) are the one that said that I'm in denial and if I were happy I wouldn't even post here, so I really don't expect you to believe it. If that wasn't you that said that, sorry. Truth is, I really don't think there is anything I can say to you that will convince you that I am happy, and my happiness doesn't depend on your approval, so I will spare us the back and forth and just accept whatever it is you will say next. Just for what it's worth I read OB's post and thought she was sincere about hoping you were happy and that you were a really forgiving person. She may have read a little into your 'watching for signs' as opposed to recognizing them but I still thought she was sincere. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 I think I hear you clearly. You're saying that your intention is to be aware of anything wrong not that you're looking for something wrong. You won't let things go by without acknowledging it and working on it if need be. It really sounds like you and your H successfully handled the A from how it started to how it will never happen again. That is great. Thank you WF. Yes, I guess what I'm saying is that I have learned to trust myself. With that I'm more secure in my decisions. It goes both ways, I'm also more in tune with the great little things in life as well. I haven't been here in a few days and when I get a chance, I will read your thread. Probably tomorrow since. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 if I were happy I wouldn't even post here Nah, it's not that -It's the basic LS addiction we ALL have it in our blood. That's why people keep coming back. Could it be possible that we have both come out of this better people? This reminds me of Thumbingmyways' situation. Both he and his wife are better people and have learned/grown together by her A. Together they chose to work hard on saving their marriage and making it even stronger. Honestly, it seems they appreciate eachother much more in everyway! I think many couples who survive infidelity and continue to grow together have stronger marriages (again, as long as BOTH are willing to work at it and want it to be better.).. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 Nah, it's not that -It's the basic LS addiction we ALL have it in our blood. That's why people keep coming back. This reminds me of Thumbingmyways' situation. Both he and his wife are better people and have learned/grown together by her A. Together they chose to work hard on saving their marriage and making it even stronger. Honestly, it seems they appreciate eachother much more in everyway! I think many couples who survive infidelity and continue to grow together have stronger marriages (again, as long as BOTH are willing to work at it and want it to be better.).. Yes, absolutely it take both partners to make it work. As far as addiction to LS, It's been my refuge during the writers strike. Better LS that home shopping I guess. Now that the strike is ending, I probably won't be here much, but I'm sure my addiction will get the best of me at times. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 WF, please clear your mailbox so I can send you PM's. Here is what I would send to you in a PM if I could: WF, there is no such thing as meddling on this forum. That's what it's all about, getting your thoughts out. I appreciate everything you say! Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 Just for what it's worth I read OB's post and thought she was sincere about hoping you were happy and that you were a really forgiving person. She may have read a little into your 'watching for signs' as opposed to recognizing them but I still thought she was sincere. If OB is really being sincere, I apologize for not getting that sentiment. I'm just reacting to past posts from OB. Has she changed her mind about me? If so, I am out of line. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 If OB is really being sincere, I apologize for not getting that sentiment. I'm just reacting to past posts from OB. Has she changed her mind about me? If so, I am out of line. I've changed my approach. This is the new kinder, gentler OB... inspired by WF and other posters who are always kind and do not judge others, as well as some recent training in diplomacy that I have undertaken IRL. It has really opened up my eyes on how I'm coming across. The defensiveness toward my posts is not surprising, given that I have attacked in the past. I get really upset when I perceive others are being condemned or bullied. The ironic thing is, I do exactly the same thing I abhor. I'm trying to change that. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 Thanks! My honey certainly thinks so too! LOL, that says it all then Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tame Posted February 14, 2008 Author Share Posted February 14, 2008 I think he got scared... too much for him to handle, probably? Would like an update though... 1. Tame is a she. 2. You should be able to tell from my posts that me getting 'scared' of people on a message board is clearly not possible. 3. Since the topic I started is no longer being discussed I'm enjoying the topics that are currently being discussed. Carry on. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 Your H only makes you feel special on V.Day? Isn't it suppose to be every day? Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 Wow, it must be nice to feel so sure of that. I hope for your sake that he never proves you wrong. And I mean that sincerely! You both impress me as women with great capacity to forgive. It is more than I could ever accomplish. I sincerely hope that your H's love you both as much in return, and live up to your absolute faith in them. Thank-you OB. I don't think that I have any greater "capacity to forgive" than anyone else. I think it's only what I've experienced with my husband that makes me fully confident in some things. I'm not, of course, confident that nothing would ever go wrong. I'm not confident that we would never separate or divorce. That could happen - to our relationship just as any other. I am actually more confident that he would never again cheat than that I would never cheat. Not because I have the slightest inclination to do so either - because I don't. But I saw what he experienced - day in and day out for a number of years. I saw the pain he was in over what he did. He wouldn't ever - under any circumstances that I can imagine - deceive either me or himself in that fashion again. Anyway, thanks again. And thank-you also for something you said in a later post. So, I'd like to add --- any past misunderstandings you and I have had are undoubtedly equally my fault. I can get my dander up just as well as anyone else - and probably better than some. Hope you're having a great day. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 Yup, as do the beautiful flowers currently residing on my desk. I know how my man feels about me - which is the topic of this thread - but I'm not an OW. I'm an ONLY W. Did you get something today? I hope so. Everyone needs to feel special on V day. ummm no..... I do believe the topic of this thread was how the MM feels about the OW, and you aren't one are you honey ? But if it makes you feel 'special' to hijack an OW thread, then I say go for it Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 Yup, as do the beautiful flowers currently residing on my desk. I know how my man feels about me - which is the topic of this thread - but I'm not an OW. I'm an ONLY W. Did you get something today? I hope so. Everyone needs to feel special on V day. This is too funny.. do you realize that most MM WILL get something to their OW today... with probably more thoughts/love for it... after getting flowers or a card to the W... to avoid any suspicions or simply to avoid any arguments... or .... some of them might even be making passionate love to their OW as we speak.. mine is coming in a few minutes.. I am an OW.. (Older & Wiser).. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 This is too funny.. do you realize that most MM WILL get something to their OW today... with probably more thoughts/love for it... after getting flowers or a card to the W... to avoid any suspicions or simply to avoid any arguments... or .... some of them might even be making passionate love to their OW as we speak.. mine is coming in a few minutes.. I am an OW.. (Older & Wiser).. Are you sure that 'W' doesn't stand for "well worn?" Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 Are you sure that 'W' doesn't stand for "well worn?" Wife = Well Worn.. OK.. whatever.. Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 Great info, Tame. I think every woman who's ever been an OW knows this, but the urge to compete and "win" is so strong she ignores it. Rock on! You think so huh? ...and your knowledge of this comes from where exactly? have you been a OW or are just throwing around your opinion and attempting to make a few BS brownie points? What brings you to LS any way? Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 ummm no..... I do believe the topic of this thread was how the MM feels about the OW, and you aren't one are you honey ? But if it makes you feel 'special' to hijack an OW thread, then I say go for it if she's so happy why hang around a OW/OM foum? I am so curious what brings these delightful posters here in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 It was the topic, not the forum. Good gawd. Do we have to be sleeping with someone's husband to have an opinion on a topic? At least if someone gives an opinion and they are NOT f'ing someone else's husband, nor have they been a BS, they may have an objective opinion for a change. And if you're "hanging around" this forum, apparently you're miserable. Poor you. Ahhh, work day almost done, and looking forward to a romantic evening with my man. right O as the forum header clearly states "The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner." something had to bring you here in the first place. is it so wrong for me to enquire what brings you dear? yes, yes, poor me. listen just because I'm not announcing I have flowers on my desk and a romantic dinner for two lined up doesn't mean I have a horrible life I just don't feel the need to try rub my good fortune into any ones faces who are in fact looking for support in this forum as it was created for. did you miss the post at the top of this forum or something? guess you couldn't have since you not just any poster are you? we should start a guessing game to see who you are as it is you were acclimated with this place upon arrival Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 Sorry. I must have misunderstood your meaning in your above post. I figured since a happy person couldn't possibly be posting on this forum, which, BTW, is not closed to only cheaters and those who cheat with them, you must not be happy. Carry on. thanks for permission to carry on I will thank you again. you can figure what you like as will I about you then *sigh* However I thought you might be a bit more entertaining with your come backs ZZzz to bad for me or rather as you said "poor poor" me Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 I'm sorry, WF. You're absolutely right. You do tell it like it is. No whitewashing from you to "fit in." I've always appreciated that about you. Thanks, SOC:) Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted February 15, 2008 Share Posted February 15, 2008 right O as the forum header clearly states "The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner." Yes, the key word being SUPPORT, a word a few posters on this thread don't seem to know the meaning of.... Must be sad to be soooooooooo happy in your R you have to come to a forum to slam others, doncha think ? Or is that just me ? Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted February 15, 2008 Share Posted February 15, 2008 Since the topic I started is no longer being discussed... Oh, that was a TOPIC ? Thought it was just an opportunity to have a dig, actually Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted February 15, 2008 Share Posted February 15, 2008 Well I didn't get nothin' from nobody today. Not from an MM, not from a SG. It was just another day. Why am I so happy about that?? :D Maybe I've been "hanging around" LS too long. (sigh) Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted February 15, 2008 Share Posted February 15, 2008 1. Tame is a she. 2. You should be able to tell from my posts that me getting 'scared' of people on a message board is clearly not possible. 3. Since the topic I started is no longer being discussed I'm enjoying the topics that are currently being discussed. Carry on. Sorry! My post was suppose to be in Stack's thread Link to post Share on other sites
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