Would like your views on a new theory

[curiousnycgirl]

My friend raised an interesting theory to me yesterday and I would like to know what others think.

 

Her theory is that men who for whatever reason have nothing (could be because they are starting out, or they lost their jobs, or whatever) at one point in their lives - will do anything in their power to forget that time, and if they are with the same woman once they make it, she is a constant reminder of what they are trying to forget.

 

As a little background - you need to know that this friend of mine has dated many married men, and for years was a "kept" woman. Her theory is based on her experience with very successful self made men - who chose her company because she only knew them as the happy go lucky wealthy person.

 

The reason she raised this to me is that my b/f lost his job 7 months into our relationship and has been struggling to start a business ever since (3 years) - I have done everything to be supportive, and generally pay for all of our extras (ie dates, vacations, vet bills for both our pets, etc) - my friend feels that once my b/f "makes it" he will want to move on.

 

I am not being emotional about this right now -just in fact gathering mode. I am interested in what others think of this theory.

 

TIA

[Woggle]

This is not true at all. There is nothing that means more to a man than when a woman sticks with him through rough times. When the chips are down that is when you see a person's true colors and if a woman stands by a man's side through that it means a lot.

[quankanne]

if your friend were talking about it from the standpoint of "upgrade" it would make more sense: Men want something young and shiny and lovely on their arm, and it has nothing to do with "old wife" being a reminder of bad days. It's self-absorption, pure and simple, IMO ... what or who is going to reflect HIM in the best light. Because from my experience, a good majority of the men who have struggled respect and appreciate the loyalty of a partner who stood by them in bad times, and they know they can trust this woman.

[a4a]

A couple might struggle to make bills, argue over money, worry, stress...... yada yada ya.

 

 

 

It (bad feelings) could exist in the relationship in the form of resentment?

 

So yes I would agree that after success is achieved you may want to dispose of the partner you argued, fought with, had to struggle with to get there.

[norajane]

Well, it doesn't really matter what 'men' do...it matters what your man does.

 

Some men might want to let go of the past - especially if it was filled with arguments and resentments - while others see it as a partnership, a team effort to succeed and celebrates success with his partner.

 

What's YOUR relationship been like these past 3 years while he's been getting his business off the ground? Supportive? or building resentment? That will tell you what's more likely to happen.

[Florida]

A couple might struggle to make bills, argue over money, worry, stress...... yada yada ya.

 

 

 

It (bad feelings) could exist in the relationship in the form of resentment?

 

So yes I would agree that after success is achieved you may want to dispose of the partner you argued, fought with, had to struggle with to get there.

 

Well, it doesn't really matter what 'men' do...it matters what your man does.

 

Some men might want to let go of the past - especially if it was filled with arguments and resentments - while others see it as a partnership, a team effort to succeed and celebrates success with his partner.

 

What's YOUR relationship been like these past 3 years while he's been getting his business off the ground? Supportive? or building resentment? That will tell you what's more likely to happen.

 

 

I couldn't agree with NJ and A4A more.

[nellstar]

Not all men are like that. Perhaps your friends just come across men like the ones she mentioned, which is pretty.

 

You've been together for 3 years, I'm sure you know what kinda man your man is...

[curiousnycgirl]

Thank you everyone - even as I posted I recognized that gross generalizations never apply to everyone, however I wanted unbiased opinions to what she said and why she said it.

 

Reality is my guy and I have never fought over money, and he is very appreciative of what I do for him, although I always correct him and say it is for us.

[Florida]

Thank you everyone - even as I posted I recognized that gross generalizations never apply to everyone, however I wanted unbiased opinions to what she said and why she said it.

 

Reality is my guy and I have never fought over money, and he is very appreciative of what I do for him, although I always correct him and say it is for us.

 

I see, you were bracing yourself. Your situation is very different than the woman paying all bills for months and coming home to fights over "is he looking for work hard enough?"

 

 

Based on your details, it doesn't apply to you as you are not exhibiting signs of hostility or resentment, and a start up business is very different from full out being destitute, jobless and smooching off you, nor is he feeling guilt laden and wanting to recoup his "lost manhood" because you are belittling him. Which happens in the jobless situations.

 

In your case, he may even be much more grateful, and do it for you if you need him to. In fact, probably is hoping he can at some point for you.

 

On the other hand, the woman who works 2 jobs and puts her husband through expensive schooling while she goes without, will get the shaft when he does well.

Edited February 6, 2008 by Florida