confused_27 Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 Hi! I'm new to this so bare with me. I'm 27 f been married for the second time. I have been married to this guy for 2 years together for 5 years. About 2 years ago I discovered my husband getting on 2 internet dating,plus having a Myspace page. I never said anything to him about it. Well in June of 07 he took back his old job in Indiana. Then I came up in Aug of the same year. About 5 months ago I noticed I noticed that his Myspace friends list kept expanding. He had more women on there than men. I have read some of these messages that he had been sending to these people. And I didn't find anything that alerted me of an affair. But his Myspace page does say that he is single. And I did confront him about that. He said that he didn't know how to update profile. Which I know now is a lie. Because he updated it in Dec. 07. Still has on there that he is single. Then I confronted him about the 2 dating internet sites. He said that he didn't know and asked me he had a profile on there. Well I told him no. When deep down I knew that he did. Well so that stopped for a while. (about 6 months). Then today I get on the pc and go to where your cookies are stored and found out that he went back to a dating site and that he put he was a male seeking a woman from 18-35 in the state of Indiana. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and think well maybe he is just bored. Well I don't think thats the case. Considering he browes for women on Myspace as well. We don't have any children together I have 3 from previous marriage and can't have anymore and he knew that when we first met. I am wondering if this has alot do with it? or what? I don't know if he wants someone when I have asked him over and over again and tells me no. I don't know if he is wanting to move on and waiting for it to happen? what should I do should I stay or go please help! Link to post Share on other sites
SunnySideUp Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 I think you deserve honesty ,and it sounds like he's not giving it to you. To me, the dating sites are a BIG red flag. It seems like he might be looking to one-up you, but is insecure about being alone so he doesn't want to leave you before he finds someone else. You don't deserve to be in that situation, no one does. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 I hate to say it because there is already so much dishonesty, but would you consider starting a fake profile on the dating site using a friends picture and info and contacting him to see what his intentions really are. It seems pretty obvious what they are. If you do decide to go this route understand there is no turing back and you will have a lot of explaining to do. He wil not be happy with you, however, you deserve the truth and he is going to avoid giving you that. Goodluck. Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 Also, as for him doing this things because you can't have children, well, I doubt that has anything to do with it. He knew you could not have kids and if that was the real issue behind his bhavior when you confronted him I am sure he would have brought it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_27 Posted February 6, 2008 Author Share Posted February 6, 2008 if thats not the case then why would he be doing this? Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 Maybe he is doing this because he is bored, he has high sex drive, he is narsastic, no one truly knows but him. Have you told him that you feel his questionable behavior makes you feel like he wants out of the marriage because you can't have kids? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_27 Posted February 6, 2008 Author Share Posted February 6, 2008 when we first started talking and I told i couldn't have anymore kids he said he was cool with that. I also told him he didn't have to wait until i left the house to log into myspace either. But he does. especially now that I work he does it after i leave for work. doesn't do it when I am here. When I mentioned all this to him he tells me I have insecurity issues. Well maybe I do because my ex husband cheated on me. I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 My H used to say the same thing to me when I would bring up his porn usage and would tell me that my insecurities would destroy our relationship. You do not need to feel guilty or bad because he is doing some that is upsetting you. You would not feel insecure if he was not being dishonest. He is trying to turn it around on you, I know I used to end of apologizing for upsetting him after I would get upset when he did something I did not like. Then I realized that my feelings matter just as much and so do yours. There is a thread on here with some good advice, let me find it so you can read it. Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t143354/ The post about fear and control really struck a cord with me. Your H does not seem worthy of your time or effort to keep the marriage going. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_27 Posted February 7, 2008 Author Share Posted February 7, 2008 k thanks i would appreciate that Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_27 Posted February 7, 2008 Author Share Posted February 7, 2008 There is some sad parts about all of this..... Back in 05 he went to jail for a year. I stuck by his side,went to see him every chance I got. About 2 weeks ago he added me to his checking account but diffrent savings account, filed income tax together got a good return, talking about buying a vehicle together. My question is if he is doing all these things then why is he doing what he doing? Why move me 400 miles from family and friends if this was his intentions? Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 He seems selfish. I understand standing by the side of the person you love but: 1. he committed a crime, which is usually an act of doing something selfish. 2. He moved you away from your family, made your kids move away from family and friends, then moved to a different state, this too seems selfish and could be a control issue. 3. Being married means you can and should file joint, plus with your kids (not sure how you claim them since he is not their dad) probrably helped you to get such a large return. 4. He wants to buy a car with YOU, but who is going to use it the most? Why can't you buy a car for YOU? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused_27 Posted February 8, 2008 Author Share Posted February 8, 2008 funny you should ask about the car.....lmao he can't drive much less get a license till 2012. So whats he worried about....the car i have now needs work don't know how much longer its gonna last.... why can't he just be honest with me honestly I don't know what he thinks he has to lose? In all reality he has nothing to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
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