cardonnel Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 hi a week ago my girlfriend broke up with me, saying that she didnt love me anymore. my best friend told me later that day that he had gone round to her house and they had kissed. i knew that he had liked her for a long time, but i thought he could control himself. i talked to her about it and she said that she started liking my best friend about two weeks before. she told him that she liked him two days before they cheated. i have brought myself to forgive her, but i dont think i can forgive him. which is worse: cheating on your boy/girlfriend or betraying your best friend like that? they said that they wouldnt go out together until i was ready, but i know that they are already treating each other as more than friends. he goes round to her house and they hold hands, which seems like relationship-behaviour. he doesnt seem very apologetic about it, but she has said sorry a lot and i believe her. he, however, has not said sorry to my face, only on msn, and it really upsets me that he doesnt care. after all, why should he? he has got the girl he wanted for so long. i live in quite a close-knit social circle, so this is really having an impact because i cant just choose not to associate with these people anymore. your thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 They both suck! This guy needs to lose his Best Friend status. The trick is going to be letting everyone in your social group know what happened without spreading it around yourself! Actually the vindictive part of me would want to stay good friends with this girl so that you can do the same back to him... then dump her real quick. However, I'd say that's a really bad idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 I'd say either sticks. Losing your girl friend to your best friend is not an easy situation. You need to find new friends and then mend your heart to find a new companion. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 That is a pretty low thing to do. By both parties. You can look at it like this. They both showed some serious character flaws. You are rid of a cheater and a not so good friend. You don't owe them any type of official forgiveness or friendship. Cobra's idea is good. I also wondered how she would react if you asked out her best friend (although, don't led anyone on). If she cheated on you, she would probably cheat on him. However, you already know that the dynamics of all of these relationships have been damaged. The trust is gone and people have patterns of behaviour. You would only feel momentarily better but if you are still hurt revenge is not a good plan. You have to serve it cold. If you can distance them from your life that might be the wisest move. Link to post Share on other sites
82knightrider Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 If you can distance them from your life that might be the wisest move. I agree with this 1 million percent. Leave them both .Dont look back. You dont need ppl like that in your life Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 God they are both snakes in the grass! I'd say go NC with both of them, the girls sorry dont add up to an amount of crap!!! Your friend isnt man enough to say sorry to your face because he's a coward! He's a loser and you need to erase him from your life, if he'll do it now, he'll do it later, so will she. Good riddance to both of them. Friends are loyal and trustworthy. They are neither. SAY GOODBYE!!! Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 cardonnel, It's a sad fact of life that this kind of thing happens. During primary education years (through high school) it's common for relationships within members of a social circle to swap around pretty frequently. But that's not what you asked about. Honestly, if we're talking about forgiveness here, I can't see how one is more forgivable than the other. They both betrayed you with that kiss. I've known of two situations like this. In one, the wife was forgiven, but not the friend. In the other the friend was forgiven, but not the girlfriend. I just don't get that. Forgive neither or forgive both would have to be my motto. Assuming both truly had a special place in my life. Take some time and lick your wounds. Their possible relationship doesn't have to be the ruin of your social circle. The polite thing for them to do would be to back away themselves, at least they have each other to console them. But if they don't, and you can't bear to be reminded, it's not so bad to find a new exciting circle of friends. I've done it, and I don't miss the original circle one bit. Link to post Share on other sites
pinkrazr Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 YOUCH! what a stab to the heart! You sound like a pretty forgiving person.... almost too forgiving. Best friends and your Girlfriend... talk about the ultimate! Your "best friend" doesn't deserve that status whatsoever. The girlfriend, obviously is just as selfish and uncaring as him. Seriously. You need to rid yourself of both of them. I wouldn't even question it if my best friend did that to me, and i've been friends with her for 20 years! SINCE WE WERE 5! They know what they are up to. do they care much? pfft. only about the new crush on each other. That will probably eventually fade out, and they will both be without you, or each other. I feel just furious thinking about if I was in that sitch! You are not in the wrong here. Stand up, and walk away! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 Being betrayed by your best friend is the worst IMO. Frienships are, for me, the most important relationships in my life.. Being cheated on, is hard, but betrayed by your best friend is the worst of all. Link to post Share on other sites
EYECANDY000 Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 Although I think that getting betrayed by both parties is equally devastating,I think it hurts most when its your best friend. That was so nice of them to get the ok from you, when they wanted to go out. (sarcasm) Im sure this just didnt start immediately after the break up, I am sure that they were messing around with each other during your relationship with her. I say dump them both!!!!!!! Your friend seems nonchalant about the situation and Im sure he would bring up him and your ex every chance he gets. Dont seem like he has learned about trust and morals yet. Get rid of both those headaches! Link to post Share on other sites
Author cardonnel Posted February 11, 2008 Author Share Posted February 11, 2008 That is a pretty low thing to do. By both parties. You can look at it like this. They both showed some serious character flaws. You are rid of a cheater and a not so good friend. You don't owe them any type of official forgiveness or friendship. Cobra's idea is good. I also wondered how she would react if you asked out her best friend (although, don't led anyone on). If she cheated on you, she would probably cheat on him. However, you already know that the dynamics of all of these relationships have been damaged. The trust is gone and people have patterns of behaviour. You would only feel momentarily better but if you are still hurt revenge is not a good plan. You have to serve it cold. If you can distance them from your life that might be the wisest move. "You are rid of a cheater and a not so good friend." unfortunately, i cheated on her right at the start of our relationship, so i can't have a go at her for cheating. however, i can quite easily say that cheating at the start with someone who my girlfriend hardly knew is not as bad as what they did. they are now "seeing each other" whatever that means. im on good terms with them both, but i freeze up inside whenever i know that they are alone together. in reply to everyone else, walking away is not an option. i see him every day because i have to, and i want to be friends with him. if i am friends with him it sort of requires me being friends with her, since they are together. i also want to be friends with her. i cant bring myself to believe that some people are bad, i think that everyone is weak and vulnerable to doing bad things. i have decided to be friends with her and him, but i still cant get over them together. how should i act around them? she and i werent friends before we went out, so im not sure how to act around her in terms of body language. what is acceptable for an ex to do? hug, hold hands, put arm around her, what? Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 hi a week ago my girlfriend broke up with me, saying that she didnt love me anymore. my best friend told me later that day that he had gone round to her house and they had kissed. Then this is no friend at all. Let alone a BEST friend. I'd drop him. i knew that he had liked her for a long time, but i thought he could control himself. i talked to her about it and she said that she started liking my best friend about two weeks before. she told him that she liked him two days before they cheated. i have brought myself to forgive her, but i dont think i can forgive him. Why forgive her but not him? To me they are both people you should tell to take a long walk off a short pier. which is worse: cheating on your boy/girlfriend or betraying your best friend like that? Hmmmm, tough call. Honestly I'd say cheating on your bf/gf. But it doesn't matter which is worse. What matters is they BOTH betrayed you. they said that they wouldnt go out together until i was ready oh gee, how considerate of them, he doesnt seem very apologetic about it, but she has said sorry a lot and i believe her. he, however, has not said sorry to my face, only on msn, and it really upsets me that he doesnt care. after all, why should he? he has got the girl he wanted for so long. I understand, but you need to be equally as angry with her too. Sorry man, neither of them are someone you really need to be around. I don't make it a point to surround myself with people that are going to stab me in the back, especially like that. i live in quite a close-knit social circle, so this is really having an impact because i cant just choose not to associate with these people anymore. Well, you have a decision to make. 1) decide to socialize with them because of the "social circle" and bottle up any resentment you have and bite your tongue. or 2) get a new social circle. Really though, I don't think anyone in your social circle would expect you to be ok with being around them after they screwed you over like that. Its one thing to have her mess around on you and leave you. That you can easily say, good riddance. But how would you ever trust a "best" friend that has no quams about messing around with your gf? Honestly, I wouldn't bother with either one of them. They have proven themselves to be backstabbers. Do you really want to socialize with someone that did and could do it again? Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 "You are rid of a cheater and a not so good friend." unfortunately, i cheated on her right at the start of our relationship, so i can't have a go at her for cheating. geez, i wish i would have read this before chiming in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cardonnel Posted February 24, 2008 Author Share Posted February 24, 2008 just like to say thanks for all the replies, they have been very helpful. keep posting please, i want to get a wider picture. Link to post Share on other sites
vivrantflo Posted February 24, 2008 Share Posted February 24, 2008 Dude, you pretty much killed your support system by admitting that you cheated on her first. When you cheat, you have to pay the price. Trust me.... I know... And now you're paying for it... LEARN from this. The grass is NEVER greener on the other side.. If someone is willing to give you their heart, they are choosing to be vulnerable to you. Why would you damage that? Maybe this will teach you a lesson on how to treat women.. and that EVERY action, has a reaction.. Take care... Link to post Share on other sites
Author cardonnel Posted February 26, 2008 Author Share Posted February 26, 2008 but she broke up with me and cheated on me without knowing that i cheated, it only came out afterward. i realised my mistake, thats why i didnt continue with the other girl. but she is continuing with my best friend, knowing how much it kills me that they are together. she is even more enthusiastic about it than him i think, she always seems to be the one calling him and asking him over. she asked him to stay at hers the other night. she must have known that it would kill me inside. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 26, 2008 Share Posted February 26, 2008 but she broke up with me and cheated on me without knowing that i cheated, it only came out afterward. i realised my mistake, thats why i didnt continue with the other girl. but she is continuing with my best friend, knowing how much it kills me that they are together. she is even more enthusiastic about it than him i think, she always seems to be the one calling him and asking him over. she asked him to stay at hers the other night. she must have known that it would kill me inside. Look man this sucks I know. But the way I see it, the day you let it go, you'll feel better about yourself. You made bad choices and horrible decisions. You own it! Next re-evaluate what's important to you. These people arent your real friends, a real friend do not sleep with your girlfriend behind your back! No matter what you may have done to cause it. It's still not right and out of all the people she could have been with , why him? That must sucks. But you know what, stop dwelling on it. Let go. Move on. There's too many gorgeous women out here looking for a great time. Why are you even obssesed with it. Let them have each other. In a few years she'll probaby trade him in for a new model anyway's lol. Link to post Share on other sites
malaclypse Posted February 27, 2008 Share Posted February 27, 2008 (edited) i have brought myself to forgive her, but i dont think i can forgive him. which is worse: cheating on your boy/girlfriend or betraying your best friend like that? your thoughts? This stuff happens. Get over it. You should focus your anger on her, not him, but of course you won't. =/ Edited February 27, 2008 by malaclypse Link to post Share on other sites
Author cardonnel Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 actually now he is being much better than she is. i am slowly starting to be able to talk to him if i forget everything. but i cant do that forever. how can i (and am i able) to eventually get back to normal and accept them both? its so hard because they are the people i would have talked to about this, but they are the ones involved... thanks for your input Link to post Share on other sites
dbtmarley Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Damn karma sucks and you proved it... Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 This stuff happens. Get over it. You should focus your anger on her, not him, but of course you won't. =/ Why should he not be angry at his friend as well?? It takes two to tango Link to post Share on other sites
Author cardonnel Posted March 1, 2008 Author Share Posted March 1, 2008 maybe, but i can be around him and its fine for some reason. when i am around her i freeze up though Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts