How do you over come being abandoned?

[ALONE]

Ever since I was little my biggest fear was being abandoned. My father never wanted to know me… I fought for ever second of his attention and love.. and still not even on his last days on this earth did I get this. ANYWAY… since, I have come to realize that everything in my life ends before its even started and everyone leaves me. I feel as though I am like a toy. When I meet new people they LOVE me.. they think I am the funniest chicks, I am like this NEW TOY, they all want it and want to spend as much time with it as possible… then as time goes on a new toy comes out… and they, as a child who wants the latest Nintendo game, walk’s away from the previously loved, and most favorite game of all time… ME! I can understand that I have a major desire to be loved and feel appreciated and accepted but I don’t feel like this. Even with men.. its amazing.. I am one of those types that the guys say…’you’re the marrying kind’ but no one dates. Don’t get me wrong.. I'm a good-looking chick and I have many male interests, but non I can really grasp if that makes sense. Just recently the man I have loved the most in my life has left me for the 3rd time… no not cos of me, he is scared of commitment… every time we get too close he runs away. SO I have closed the book on that. I am devastated but I need and will move on, but meanwhile.. I have all these questions… Why people.. friends, partners… etc ALWAYS abandon me.. Is it me??? Maybe I am too open and honest? Look I am a straight shooter.. down the line… not into gossip but rather the truth.. Reality… honesty and integrity.. What’s wrong with these things??? Seems to me that people prefer to hang around insensitive, cold, dishonest, etc etc people. They say ‘don’t rely in other people for your happiness.. yes fine, great advice BUT as a human being I long and desire certain things… so how do you fulfill things that only, for example, a partner or a mother can give you?

 

Anything I have every tried in life has ended. I was gifted with some AMAZING talents but everything it looks like something is going to work out.. IT ENDS. DISTRUCTS!

 

I have no idea what to do.. I am in a major search for answered and I hope that someone somewhere out there reads this and warrants it a reply!

 

Thank you in advance!

Stay Cool!

[yes]

i think one thing that may help is realizing that you can be happy on your own. having people around is good, BUT you're just fine by yourself!

 

once you get to the point where you truly feel like that, you'll be a lot calmer about your relationships. (believe me - i've jumped from guy to guy for over 3 years out of fear of being alone amongst other things, and only now am i finally fully single & enjoying myself).

 

also, don't let people use you as their toy. don't give them a lot of your time right away, and make sure to really get to know them, not just chit-chat.

 

just some thoughts,

-yes

[ALONE]

Thanks for your reply YES. Some food for thought there

 

THANKYOU FOR LISTENING!

[Tony T]

1. "Why people.. friends, partners… etc ALWAYS abandon me.. Is it me???"

 

Absolutely, it's all you. The human mind is the strongest instrument on the planet. Yours guides your life and your reality. The beliefs you keep in your subconscious mind program your reality. At an early age, you started telling your mind that when you get close to people they will leave you...and, your mind serving at your pleasure, makes sure you and people who will abandon you come together. It's like magic.

 

2. "Maybe I am too open and honest?"

 

No, that's a good thing. People love those qualities.

 

3. "Look I am a straight shooter.. down the line… not into gossip but rather the truth.. Reality… honesty and integrity.. What’s wrong with these things???"

 

Well, reality is pretty scary for a lot of people. Generally, people are weary of those who don't share their illusions so you might want to tone yourself down a bit when you first meet people. The masses operate on a different mental and conscious level than you do. People don't want to be conscious of the realities that you are aware of. Life can be pretty scary and most of us want to just forget about the things that make them uncomfortable. Go to a party and start talking about death...and see how many people gravitate to you????

 

A large number of people aren't bright enough to talk much except other people (gossip) and true honesty and integrity are rare traits today. There's an old saying, "Bright people talk about ideas, mediocre people talk about events, and dull people talk about other people."

 

4. "Seems to me that people prefer to hang around insensitive, cold, dishonest, etc etc people."

 

Well, that's probably because those people are easy to find. But once you reprogram your subconsious mind, you will be very surprised at the kind, sweet, honest, sensitive people you will attract. Again, it's like magic. We get what we expect. If you tell yourself man are all married or a**h***s, that will be your reality. If you constantly tell yourself that Mr. Right, a loving, kind, sensitive, generous, thoughful man, is right around the corner and will meet you very soon...that is what will happen.

 

Our thoughts are prayers. The God who lives within us hears those thoughts, interprets them as desires, and delivers. Try it sometime. Remember, your thoughts created your reality so if you think negatively, that's what your life will be about. But if you expect the very best and truly believe that people are wonderful, only great people will come into your life.

 

5. "They say ‘don’t rely in other people for your happiness.. yes fine, great advice BUT as a human being I long and desire certain things… so how do you fulfill things that only, for example, a partner or a mother can give you?"

 

You don't. You obviously don't know what happiness is. So if you don't know what it is, how the hell do you ever expect to attain it??? Well, you've come to the right place. I'm here to tell you that happiness is living in the moment, content with what's happening in your life right this second, being happy with yourself and where you are...because this is the ONLY moment that exists right now.

 

If you expect other people to make you happy, you are insane. Another special person can be nice frosting on the cake but if you are a miserable person, that won't last long. The reason people get divorced is they expected the other person to magically take the responsibility for their happiness away and that's just crazy.

 

A happy person will be happy no matter what circumstances present themselves. A happy person has learned to put things into perspective, not to awfulize, not to judge people or circumstances, and to live each moment with the most positive of attitudes. It is YOU who makes you miserable...ONLY YOU can do that, with the way you think about things and interpret them. If you're broke, don't think about bankruptcy...think about going to the mall with barrels of cash and throwing it out to people. That is what will keep you going and it takes just as much effort as being pesimistic.

 

6. "Anything I have every tried in life has ended. I was gifted with some AMAZING talents but everything it looks like something is going to work out.. IT ENDS. DISTRUCTS!"

 

Yeppers, it sure does, because of you sick, trashy, ill-conceived, negative thoughts. You may be to the point where you require a good hypnotist to change your thought patterns. But I would advise you to begin a meditation program using tapes from a good bookstore to restore your mind to the state it was in when you were born. A newborn has nothing to look forwar to but great things, great love, great wealth, etc.

 

Have you ever heard a newborn baby say, "Oh, hell, this place really sucks and this doctors going to leave the room right after he slaps my butt and I'll never see him again???"

 

STOP YOUR STINKING THINKING IMMEDIATELY AND START THINKING ONLY GOOD, POSITIVE THOUGHTS!!!

[ALONE]

Wow Tony what you wrote was quite inspirational and I well understand what you are saying but what is the difference between ‘thoughts’ and 'beliefs'??? For example, I believe that I am a great person, that I would make an amazing friend and/or partner, I don’t feel there is any reason that people should want to leave. BUT I think, through what I see people to is that I must not be all that great cos people do leave.

 

Anyway I appreciate your thoughts, thank-you, I will definitely thing about what you have said much further.

ALONE

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "BUT I think, through what I see people to is that I must not be all that great cos people do leave."

 

So you are looking to other people for validation of your self esteem. And how can you say you think highly of yourself and then write that you "must not be all that great cos people do leave."???

 

There's some conflicting thoughts somewhere. The only way you can change this abandonment pattern in your life is to totally give up the idea that people are going to leave you. Just plain don't believe in it. Do some meditation and imagine that thought being flushed down the toilet and pumped into the ocean to be gone forevermore.

 

Your post here shows you are consciously confused...but your subconscious mind is clearly on the abandonment program and YOU must reprogram it by changing your thoughts forever.

[yes]

Tony, you always say it's wrong to look to others for validation of one's self-esteem. So it has to come from within, right? But how can you have any inner standards? Do you basically accept yourself unconditionally?

 

I think people look for others' opinions because it's hard to judge oneself from inside, so we look for people we respect & admire, and believe that the opinion of these people will reflect the way we really are ... There aren't that many people I totally respect, but I really care about what these few think of me. *shrug*

 

-yes

[BillG]

Yes, in response to your last post

 

But how can you have any inner standards? Do you basically accept yourself unconditionally?

 

Absolutely yes, you need to except yourself, to say those words, but not believe them deep inside, you are denying yourself of every opportunity in the future.

 

Tony was right on the money, because I too have a very poor attitude about myself. (I'm still working thru those issues). But for me, when my partner gets too busy to validate me, I immediately overcompensate and then push them away, unwittingly.

 

It's like grabbing the back of a freigh train, knowing you are not gonna stop it and you finally let go when the pain gets too great.

 

Do things for YOU!! Be happy with YOURSELF, be the conductor of that freight train, you will see your life in a different perspective.

 

Good Luck and Be Happy!!

[moimeme]

Well, actually, I'd be cautious. I think it is not a bad thing to check oneself out with others. I think that if you don't touch base with other humans, you can eventually turn out to be David Koresh; totally unaware that you have lost touch with the world.

 

Yes, it is good to have self-esteem and to not rely on others for validation BUT I have run into people who call themselves 'honest' but what that really means is they are brutally frank, so if a friend is feeling bad and looking bad, rather than being gentle, the 'honest' person says something unkind. Pretty soon, people do leave.

 

It is worth speaking to a good person whose opinions you trust to ask if they have any remarks about you and how you interact with people. Good self-esteem and good self-awareness go hand-in-hand.