Serph Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 (edited) The last girl I asked out was initially enthusiastic and agreed to go out with me, but flaked at the last minute. It felt SO close to success, and yet in the end I still have nothing in my hands. I look at how much my social skills and confidence have improved in the last six months of college, how many contacts I've established, and how happy I am around other people, but still sometimes it feels like some silly masquerade. Sometimes alone in my apartment, contrastingly, I get so insanely spiteful, scared and violent that I go from peppy to desperate and it spooks the hell out of me. It's so nagging to constantly try so hard to improve yourself in every single way in stride every day no matter how tedious it feels, and to never get any rewards, just rejections. I don't like being in this town where I know no one intimately, or to always live alone in this apartment, it makes me overanalyze everything and sometimes it scares the hell out of me. I've come to hate my face so much that I sometimes get close to hitting it. While I feel like a worthy individual in 95% of the cases, sometimes I want to cower at my place instead of going out and feel ashamed and embarassed just for being alive and having needs. To pass time I've become addicted to horror films, violent stories, demons and violent imagery, but I'm not sure that it's too good of a passion. I'm part of a new club where there's a pretty hot girl, and I'm going to keep trying and have a good time, laugh, enjoy myself a few times per month in her company and in that of others. Hopefully these feelings of doom and resentment will vanish and I end up getting results one of these days... once again, the forum software doesn't allow me to author separate paragraphs for some strange reason Edited February 7, 2008 by Serph Link to post Share on other sites
latefragment Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 i'm completely hearing you on this one. except i've been in this new town a bit longer than you and i actually have a crapload of friends that i've made over time. but the whole going out of your mind when you're home alone, yeah. i like dark goth stuff (i have for a long time) but this just brings it out even more. of course when i'm out with friends i put on the happy face, but i agree with you - i hate that i'm constantly improving myself in all areas (work, extracurriculars, making lots of friends) but still finding no luck in the ... guy department. i think i've just had a run of bad luck and it will take time... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Serph Posted February 7, 2008 Author Share Posted February 7, 2008 of course when i'm out with friends i put on the happy face, but i agree with you - i hate that i'm constantly improving myself in all areas (work, extracurriculars, making lots of friends) but still finding no luck in the ... guy department. i think i've just had a run of bad luck and it will take time... So girls don't simply have to stand idly around guys to be hit by five hopeful contenders every week, eh Link to post Share on other sites
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