What are we?

[prancing-on-the-moon]

I've known this guy for a few years. We started out with online discussions about our philosophies, our interests our lives, people we've taken an interest to, etc. He knew about my failed romances; I knew about his. I would say we were purely platonic the first few years of our friendship, during which he even tried to match make a good friend of his (who somehow took an interest in me) and me. I rejected this friend a few times (just don't feel anything) and it's only recently that this friend finally stopped contacting me much.

 

The past year has found us drifting closer together. We've gone out quite a lot together. He'll offer his help, very often without me asking. Message me almost everyday either online or on the phone, saying silly stuff about his life, or asking how I was etc. Physically I would say we are in each other's personal space more (drawing closer together), though there have been no intimate stuff like holding hands, or hugging etc. He's been saying weird things that imply he wants to help me dress up, or that I'm 'pretty' enough for him. He calls me dear sometimes, notices and comments on my shoes, my clothes, my face, my hair..., plays with my hair and teases me like all too often. I sense something more than friendship (I just hope my antenna isn't spoilt). It's been going on for some time but so far, despite the strangeness he's been exhibiting, nothing concrete has been laid, nothing clarified. I don't know what we are or where we are going.

 

I'm passive. I've been in situations like this before that just dissolved into nothingness i.e. nothing happened and the guy disappeared. It was hurtful each time and I've kind of developed the consensus that I think too much, conjure fairytales out of things too much, and am predisposed towards self deception. This time just seems a little more real, and I believe I do harbour strong feelings for him. I've become a willing participant in this game but I am just so very very afraid of getting hurt again. I truly am. What should I do?? What are we?

 

Sorry for the long post. This is a good webby to release my thoughts in, if not to derive advice from. Kudos to the creator~

[amaysngrace]

Hi. If it's any consolation to you my BF and I still have talks about getting hurt. And we've been together going on two years. Every time we hit a bump in the road and we talk about it it almost always comes back down to one of us afraid of being hurt by the other.

 

I don't think you are stupid for that. I think you are human.

 

It sounds as if you and this guy have a very solid foundation to grow a relationship on. He sounds like he listens to you and takes what you have to say without just dismissing it. He seems to care about you.

 

With that being said, have you thought to express how you feel towards him with him? Maybe he's been hurt before and is just waiting on you to say something. One of you should take the chance if it's worth bringing the relationship to a new level. It sounds like it may have to be you.

 

Have either of you dated anyone else along the way? How'd you guys handle it?

[marlena]

Dear Prancing,

 

If both of you are mature adults, it's time to stop prancing on the moon and instead prance with eachother.

 

What indeed is holding the both of you back? To me, you both sound very young, inexperienced and fearful of rejection as most young people are. With time, rejection hurts less as you come to understand that it is a part of the general scheme of things in life.

 

It sounds like you desire to take your friendship to another level. If that is the case, then, yes, tell him so. His reaction will give you the answers. If you are content with things the way they are, relax and let it flow and see where it takes you.

 

It's all about being on the same page.

[prancing-on-the-moon]

Dear marlena and amaysngrace,

 

Thanks for the reply!

Well, yes, both of us are adults in our twenties. The strange thing is, all this while we've known each other, we've either been rejecting potentials or things just doesn't seem to work out with the people we like. So if anything do blossom, we'll be each other's first real relationship. We're similar in the way that we both feel there's no need to actively search for partners or to get into a relationship for the sake of it. We are the kind who just let things go naturally. The parallels in life...

 

I've never thought much of him dating other girls because my feelings for him didn't come till the strangeness begin. I'm just... slow.. I guess. Him to me? I don't know. I figured if he was so interested in match-making me with other guys he must be in the 'just friends' category.

 

You gals have said something that I've been thinking about. How do I show him how I feel? Grab his hand and refuse to let go? Crap. I really don't know how to do these things. Maybe it's time to get back to earth.