EMBeee Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Hey everyone, I want to take the time to thank you for reading this. It may be a little long It starts out with me wanting to leave my dead end relationship of 10 years. The man i am with right now is verbally, mentally, physically and sexually abusive towards me and has been pretty much the whole 10 years we've been together. We are not married - thank goodness, but we have 2 beautiful girls together. I have been contemplating leaving him for sometime now and I am just feeling much stronger to do so now then ever before. Things get a little difficult for me in the sense that I have been re-connected with a childhood friend from 16 years ago. I have always wanted to leave my current mate for a few years now... and now that my friend has popped back into the picture, it makes it more of a drive for me wanting to leave. My friend had just gone through a separation with his wife a year ago. We had talked before that but now things have gotten more on a personal level and I feel that we are falling in love with one another. He is all i think about through the day. He tells me he wants more than anything to be with me and I do the same for him. It seems like we have this psychic connection (i know it sounds weird) but we like the same things... want the same things out of life, we've even talked about having a child of our own. I dream about him every night. I'll just open my phone to tex him and right as i'm typing the message - i'll get one from him. It's so weird how we're synchronized but so far away. I know this sounds so cliche but with all the events that have taken place and the way they have fallen into place, it really feels like he (the friend) and i are meant to be. We have gotten extremely close to one another. He lives a thousand miles away from me but we talk ALL day long whether it be texting, im, talking on the phone or what not. He and i have both expressed our feelings towards one another - we both agree that we are falling for one another. I don't want him to be the reason that I am leaving my current mate. I feel that it is giving me the drive though. I am just so conflicted with my emotions. He (the friend) keeps questioning me whether i am serious. I tell him i am and he tells me the same. But when he keeps bringing it up, i start to question myself. I don't like that. He tells me he's scared for fear of getting hurt and i say the same. Right now it is long distance... he also has 2 kids so how would that work??? How do we become "us" when I have 2 kids here and in another state he has 2 kids? I have recently expressed my "wanting to leave" to my current mate and have been staying with my parents for the meantime but I really would like to get a place of my own. I am just so confused though. my "friend" and i want to see each other and be together but we don't know how to... can anyone give any suggestions?!? We both agree that the only way to validate our feelings for one another is if we can be together even if it is only for one night. But how? I own a house with my so called "boyfriend". I don't love him anymore and haven't for the last few years. He is so mean to me and degrades me and I just want out because I know i can be treated better. How do i do all of this? Advice please. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Separate the two issues in your life. Whether the new guy is meant to be or not, you need to leave your current BF before you commence anything physical with him. This should be your primary focus. Don't keep your current BF in the background just in case it doesn't work out with the new guy- that is asking for trouble. Let your BF know that you no longer have the same feelings for him, and you would either like to sell the house you own together and split the profits so you can get your own place, or you would like him to buy you out of your share (at current market value). Assure him that you will allow him access to his children (and keep your word, your daughters have a right to see their father, and they have a right to this going as smoothly as possible) and ask your BF to try and keep things amicable for their sake. If the new guy is worth it, he will wait fo ryou to get your life in order so you can start afresh with him.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author EMBeee Posted February 8, 2008 Author Share Posted February 8, 2008 That really does sound like the best plan... thanks! I was however trying to approach it that way but my BF is harassing me telling me that i am getting these ideas out of nowehere. He calls me names and even told me to "die B**ch"... i don't know what to do anymore. I am trying to be an adult here about it but he isn't giving me the benefit of the doubt. I am scared and worried. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 One of you has to behave like an adult. You can't remain trapped in this R out of fear, it will destroy both of you AND it will be bad for your kids. seek help from a professional- either a solicitoror/social worker (both would be best). You have legal rights,and his threats don't affect them. There is really only one way- and thats to get out- your BFs reaction is not going to be good any way you look at it. Just make sure you are safe. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 Google "leaving an a abusive partner" there are loads of support/ advice websites that can help you, they may even be able to put you in touch with a support group in your area. Tell your family and friends what you are going to do too- you need the support of them to get through this, don't try and do it alone. Link to post Share on other sites
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