It's been a Bad year so far...

[Gwyneth]

Last time I posted it was about going on a date with a new man--which went well. I wasn't over the MM--of course The new guy and I faded after a while as I was emotionally attached to the MM, and new guy was going on business trips left and right. I'm not about LDR (never was about affairs either). I do keep in touch with the new guy, although he isn't my new guy anymore. We are friends--he's a really great friend too.

 

I finally subcomed to going all the way with the MM. Shamefully admitting this by the way. And I just finished reading the thread about what men think about their OW--I have to say that this man is in the 10% category. I know this because strangers have come up to me telling me they think this man likes me--humans read body language and they have all said that his face "lights up" when I enter the room. My sister met him and she said he seemed so freaking happy when he saw me. None of this matters at this time though.

 

Last weekend he informs me that wifey might be pregnant--they're trying at least. Well, then he says 'she's trying,' and apparently he doesn't have the P that provides the sperm to fertilize an egg. Silly me to think that!

 

He then goes on to say that he hopes she isn't pregnant because he doesn't think she's a good mother (she has a son from a previous marriage). Perhaps he should have thought this out before he walked down the isle with her five months after he met her. IDIOT! I guess he's the authority on parenting--but definitely not on marriage (haha). Even if he doesn't mean the things he's saying about his unborn child, how the Heck can he say such a horrible thing about his own flesh and blood? I was thinking about this all day Saturday and have come to realize the man is an attention seeker and thinks nothing of himself, so why would he think anything of his own flesh and blood? Poor baby--already foolishly not loved by his or her own father. I let him know that if she Is pregnant, then it's over between he and I. He seemed shocked and asked that we can still at least talk. I asked for what? Because clearly we cannot Just be friends. He says "if" his wife is pregnant, he "has to be good." HAS TO BE???? Not, "I WANT to be good," but "HAS TO BE!!!!!" I mean c'mon!!!!!!!!

 

It gets worse...guess whom else is pregnant and been hiding the fact for some time now? Yes, me... It was only confirmed earlier this week--I'm a mess (shocked is more like it). I had been contemplating now whether or not I want to tell him--and what for? So he can just leave me and be with her and Their baby? I am leaning more toward Not telling him about this. He's the father--that much I do know. Or at least the sperm donor. Actually last Saturday was the day I was going to tell him that this is a possibility, that I'm pregnant. Funny enough (if you have a sense of humor about this), he kept asking me, after telling me wifey might be pregnant, 'what if we get pregnant?' I was secretely crying inside--because I just knew I was although it wasn't confirmed just yet. I stayed silent and then he proceeded to rub my stomach. WTH is he rubbing my stomach? I thought maybe he knew, but then again he doesn't know his right from left so how could he possibly know? I figured he was just rambling, but to rub my stomach--that was horrifying and creepy. The next day too he asked 'what if' and I quickly changed the subject. I still cannot get over the fact that he rubbed my stomach. Moi Creepy.

 

BTW, for those of you wondering how I ended up pregnant, well I was under the impression he used a condom--apparently not, or it somehow came off during. I had a feeling he might not had put it on because I'm a little allergic to them and didn't feel irritation. I think he tried to get me pregnant--this is just a hunch I am having thinking back to past conversations I have had with him.

 

So here I am, sitting at my desk at work with a bunch of financial stuff to do, and I'm writing my life story on this forum, again. I'm torn, really, but I am becoming more and more comfortable with the idea of doing this on my own--and keeping it from him. I know some will think I'm awful and wrong for doing this, but I will be better off without him--both emotionally and financially. I also don't think he's father material--he can barely take care of himself.

 

I have only told my sister so far, and she has been very supportive at the fact that I don't want to tell him about this. She thinks that's best, especially now that wifey might be pregnant.

 

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow after work for another confirmation (E.P.T. may Not be as reliable as it says it is). I have been pregnant before and believe me when I say a woman just knows. Plus I missed my cycle.

[whichwayisup]

He then goes on to say that he hopes she isn't pregnant because he doesn't think she's a good mother (she has a son from a previous marriage).

 

I doubt this is true, he's just been telling you this. I mean if he really didn't want to try to have a baby with his wife, he wouldn't be having sex without a condom with her...

 

Don't panic yet until you get the blood results from your Dr.

 

You have alot of thinking to do, and I hope whatever your decision is about telling him or not telling him it's the right one for you. I'm not even going to try to figure out what his reaction will be either way because your MM seems to flip-flop alot, says one thing but does another. I would assume that you're on your own seeing as he's married, has a step-son and has been trying to get his wife pregnant.

 

BTW, for those of you wondering how I ended up pregnant, well I was under the impression he used a condom--apparently not, or it somehow came off during. I had a feeling he might not had put it on because I'm a little allergic to them and didn't feel irritation. I think he tried to get me pregnant--this is just a hunch I am having thinking back to past conversations I have had with him.

 

Sorry to ask this and I don't mean to be rude at all, but seeing as you're allergic to the condom, chances are he didn't wear one and if it did come off inside of you, you'd know...........I guess what I'm asking is, if you were thinking of having sex with him, why not just get on the birth control pill?

[Gwyneth]

No no, you misunderstood me. I said,

 

Last weekend he informs me that wifey might be pregnant--they're trying at least. Well, then he says 'she's trying,' and apparently he doesn't have the P that provides the sperm to fertilize an egg. Silly me to think that!

I mean "apparently" sarcastically, like he's having unprotected sex with her, but only she's trying to have a baby.

[Gwyneth]

I doubt this is true, he's just been telling you this. I mean if he really didn't want to try to have a baby with his wife, he wouldn't be having sex without a condom with her...

 

Don't panic yet until you get the blood results from your Dr.

 

You have alot of thinking to do, and I hope whatever your decision is about telling him or not telling him it's the right one for you. I'm not even going to try to figure out what his reaction will be either way because your MM seems to flip-flop alot, says one thing but does another. I would assume that you're on your own seeing as he's married, has a step-son and has been trying to get his wife pregnant.

 

 

 

Sorry to ask this and I don't mean to be rude at all, but seeing as you're allergic to the condom, chances are he didn't wear one and if it did come off inside of you, you'd know...........I guess what I'm asking is, if you were thinking of having sex with him, why not just get on the birth control pill?

 

My point was, even if he doesn't mean what he's feeding me, why the heck, or How the heck could he say such awful things about his own baby? Sad, really just sad.

 

He had previously said he'd jump off a cliff if both of us are pregnant--perhaps then I should tell him, haha.

 

I used to be on BCP but I was breaking out like crazy and my doctor suggested I stay off the BCP. I think it's bad for a woman anyway. I really thought he had put the condom on that I provided him, but like I said, I think he purposely tried to get me pregnant. Well he succeeded. Too bad he won't know.

[whichwayisup]

How do you plan on hiding it from him? Never seeing or talking to him ever again? Move away?

[Gwyneth]

How do you plan on hiding it from him? Never seeing or talking to him ever again? Move away?

 

Avoid him like the plague. I have found a way to avoid him on my way to work--this has been working swell for me. Fortunately it's winter so a baggy coat will do for now, and lucky enough, fashion tops are free flowing so that even if you aren't pregnant, you look like you are (a la Angelina Jolie). I'll just deny it's his if I run into him. Why should I tell him? It will only be a battle--he most likely won't take responsiblity, and I definitely do NOT want my child around his wife.

[norajane]

My point was, even if he doesn't mean what he's feeding me, why the heck, or How the heck could he say such awful things about his own baby? Sad, really just sad.

 

He had previously said he'd jump off a cliff if both of us are pregnant--perhaps then I should tell him, haha.

 

I used to be on BCP but I was breaking out like crazy and my doctor suggested I stay off the BCP. I think it's bad for a woman anyway. I really thought he had put the condom on that I provided him, but like I said, I think he purposely tried to get me pregnant. Well he succeeded. Too bad he won't know.

 

Are you going to tell him it's someone else's baby when he sees that you are pregnant?

 

Have you considered ending this affair? Because you clearly think he's an ass, he actually IS an ass in both word and deed, and I'm not seeing what you get out of this.

[quankanne]

girl, your life is a complete mess because of this guy, and I hope you have the strength to just walk away from him because honestly? He doesn't sound like a good person because he's obviously spinning reality to suit his needs.

 

My point was, even if he doesn't mean what he's feeding me, why the heck, or How the heck could he say such awful things about his own baby?

 

… I think he purposely tried to get me pregnant

 

probably said those things because he figures "If I say demeaning things, she'll think I don't want to be married to X and she'll continue to be my lover." If he got you pregnant intentionally, it could be that he's suffering from machismo and he *wants* the ego-boost that comes with lover being pregnant and him attempting to impregnate his wife.

 

try to get him out of your life, because he's only going to add more confusion and hurt than you really need to deal with. And as cruel as it sounds, lie about the paternity of the child if you're truly pregnant – my impression is that he will use that baby as a pawn to get what he wants from you.

 

aside from all that, how are YOU handling this possible impending pregnancy? Do you have someone you trust who will support you through this crisis (not crisis in "bad sense crisis" but in "completely threw me for a loop crisis)?

[Gwyneth]

Are you going to tell him it's someone else's baby when he sees that you are pregnant?

 

Have you considered ending this affair? Because you clearly think he's an ass, he actually IS an ass in both word and deed, and I'm not seeing what you get out of this.

 

Well it's for sure over now--especially after he told me wifey might be pregnant. Had he not said she might be, then I'd probably tell him I most certainly am pregnant with his child.

 

Honestly, I don't know what I'll say to him if he sees me. I do not think I'd lie--I am not into lying. I think I will say, Yes I am pregnant but please let me be. I'd ask him to respect my decision. I'm terrified that if I tell him, he will end up telling his wife, and then she will mess things up for me here. I cannot go through losing another baby. What if she fights for custody? I can't, I just can't. It's a bad situation and right now I'm extremely hormonal and emotional on all levels.

[Owl]

Have you clearly told him that its over?

 

Guys aren't real good at taking subtle hints...hehehe.

 

Sorry to hear about your situation...its not surprising, but it is definitely sad.

 

So what are your plans for the future, given the current "state of things"?

[Gwyneth]

girl, your life is a complete mess because of this guy, and I hope you have the strength to just walk away from him because honestly? He doesn't sound like a good person because he's obviously spinning reality to suit his needs.

 

My point was, even if he doesn't mean what he's feeding me, why the heck, or How the heck could he say such awful things about his own baby?

 

… I think he purposely tried to get me pregnant

 

probably said those things because he figures "If I say demeaning things, she'll think I don't want to be married to X and she'll continue to be my lover." If he got you pregnant intentionally, it could be that he's suffering from machismo and he *wants* the ego-boost that comes with lover being pregnant and him attempting to impregnate his wife.

 

try to get him out of your life, because he's only going to add more confusion and hurt than you really need to deal with. And as cruel as it sounds, lie about the paternity of the child if you're truly pregnant – my impression is that he will use that baby as a pawn to get what he wants from you.

 

aside from all that, how are YOU handling this possible impending pregnancy? Do you have someone you trust who will support you through this crisis (not crisis in "bad sense crisis" but in "completely threw me for a loop crisis)?

 

Thank you, quankanne. Yes, right now my sister is my backbone here. She has been Very supportive, was there when I took the test, and will be there with me at the first doctor appointment. She even said she will live with me to help me. She is truly my soul mate.

 

I think it's best to deny to him he's the father of this child. It's the only option that makes any sense whatsoever to me right now. I hate having to do this--I hate being in this situation, but that's life for you. I got myself into this mess and I will have to take care of this mess. I love the baby already--he hardly loves himself and I do not want to subject my baby to such a mess of a father. This isn't what I wanted at all, and with my first pregnancy I felt the same way about the father which is why I took care of that pregnancy. I cannot do that again--the pain is just too awful.

[Gwyneth]

Have you clearly told him that its over?

 

Guys aren't real good at taking subtle hints...hehehe.

 

Sorry to hear about your situation...its not surprising, but it is definitely sad.

 

So what are your plans for the future, given the current "state of things"?

 

Yeah, I know that, haha [Guys aren't real good at taking subtle hints...hehehe]. I told him this,

 

"listen, I think now is the best time more than ever to put this affair to rest. Your wife may be pregnant and you are trying with her. How can you be here with me right now knowing your wife may be pregnant? I'm sorry, x, but it's over. Please let go of me and give me my space--don't call me, don't email, don't talk to me if you see me. I need as much space as possible right now."

 

He didn't respond--I walked away. When I turned around as I walked through the door, he was just standing there watching me. It was pretty sad, but it is what it is.

[whichwayisup]

I'm terrified that if I tell him, he will end up telling his wife, and then she will mess things up for me here. I cannot go through losing another baby. What if she fights for custody? I can't, I just can't. It's a bad situation and right now I'm extremely hormonal and emotional on all levels.

 

Well, hate to say it, but it is his baby...And if they order a paternity test to prove that it is his, (that is, if this whole thing gets ugly, so right now we're talking hypothetical) he has a right to be part of the baby's life in some way. I doubt though she will fight you for full custody. If anything she won't want to have anything to do with the baby.

[quankanne]

just be adamant that the affair is over in YOUR eyes, and cut him off at the knees if he tries to contact you. Mean, I know, but for your peace of mind – and because you sound like you want to do right by your little one – you need to be firm about this.

 

I'm truly, truly glad that you've got such a supporter like your sister ... I imagine Baby is going to be very, very blessed having two women love him/her the way you do/will!

 

in addition, you can always seek help through your local Project Gabriel chapter, which works with women and their families who are in a crisis pregnancy. And you've got us!

 

hugs,

q

[Gwyneth]

just be adamant that the affair is over in YOUR eyes, and cut him off at the knees if he tries to contact you. Mean, I know, but for your peace of mind – and because you sound like you want to do right by your little one – you need to be firm about this.

 

I'm truly, truly glad that you've got such a supporter like your sister ... I imagine Baby is going to be very, very blessed having two women love him/her the way you do/will!

 

in addition, you can always seek help through your local Project Gabriel chapter, which works with women and their families who are in a crisis pregnancy. And you've got us!

 

hugs,

q

 

You are truly a sweetheart

 

I've never heard of "Project Gabriel," but of Planned Parenthood. I think I'll be okay. Fortunately I have a wonderful job, a wonderful boss, and I believe either a 12 or 16 week maternity leave (company also offers paternity leaves too). Then we have onsite child care for babies three months and over, so I am looking into this. I have no told anyone at work yet, of course, and only will once confirmed and the first trimester is over. I am saving all my vacation time until the baby is born (I get three weeks' vacation plus my paid maternity leave). I also have some time saved from last year that I never took off so I have to use those five day by the end of March, and then save my entire three weeks' for when the baby is born.

[Chrome Barracuda]

hey G I for one as hell aint sorry about the trifling man you chose to get pregnant by. This affair was continued by you on all levels.

 

...This is what you wanted!!!

[Gwyneth]

hey G I for one as hell aint sorry about the trifling man you chose to get pregnant by. This affair was continued by you on all levels.

 

...This is what you wanted!!!

 

"Chose?" Are you for real? Yeah, I "Chose" to get pregnant by a married man. I feel sorry for you that you believe this.

[herenow]

Somehow I think that if his wife got pregnant and then found out that you were pregnant, the MM would be the one in trouble. From my point of view the BW should be more concerned with what her H has done than the OW. MM may find himself single with two pregnant women wanting nothing to do with him. BW is not your enemy. The MM is telling you things that you can't even be sure are true. BW probably doesn't even know you exist and if she does, the MM is most likely lying to her about it.

 

Think about this, he is having sex with his wife knowing that she wants to get pregnant. She is being honest with him about her intentions and he is going along with it. Truth is, when they are having sex, both of them are aware that she could get pregnant. If what he has said to you about his wife is true, why would he go along with the plan? I know you say it's her plan, but unless she is stealing his sperm while he is sleeping, he is a willing participant.

 

You say you are not into lying. I'm sure his wife is fond of it either. MM lies to survive. Not telling a man he is about to be a father is one hugh lie, As a person who says they don't lie, I can't see how you would be able to keep a secret like that. Makes no sense to me.

 

Bottom line, if this MM has done as you have said and intentionally got you pregnant then he should take responsibility for his actions.

[quankanne]

You are truly a sweetheart

 

*blushes* thanks, kiddo!

 

I've never heard of "Project Gabriel," but of Planned Parenthood.

 

Gabriel is a ministry offered by the Catholic Church, and helps in a whole slew of ways, from helping smooth over tempers because of what's happened to setting up doctors appointments and helping with meds/vitamins/clothing to just having someone BE there for the pregnant mother. *smile* I think Planned Parenthood is more along the other end of the spectrum in helping with preventing pregnancies.

 

the benefits at your job sound fantastic – it's good knowing they've got your needs in mind!

[Chrome Barracuda]

"Chose?" Are you for real? Yeah, I "Chose" to get pregnant by a married man. I feel sorry for you that you believe this.

 

So carrying on in an affair sexually with a man who's married is what?

 

So what did you expect that popcorn was gonna be created! Time and time again the OW that come here dont learn the consequences of their actions until it happens and reality is thrust into the picture!

 

I'm sorry but you did put yourself out there to have sex with him, what else did you expect to happen?

 

Now it's time to put your big girl panites on and grow up.

[herenow]

Somehow I think that if his wife got pregnant and then found out that you were pregnant, the MM would be the one in trouble. From my point of view the BW should be more concerned with what her H has done than the OW. MM may find himself single with two pregnant women wanting nothing to do with him. BW is not your enemy. The MM is telling you things that you can't even be sure are true. BW probably doesn't even know you exist and if she does, the MM is most likely lying to her about it.

 

Think about this, he is having sex with his wife knowing that she wants to get pregnant. She is being honest with him about her intentions and he is going along with it. Truth is, when they are having sex, both of them are aware that she could get pregnant. If what he has said to you about his wife is true, why would he go along with the plan? I know you say it's her plan, but unless she is stealing his sperm while he is sleeping, he is a willing participant.

 

You say you are not into lying. I'm sure his wife is fond of it either. MM lies to survive. Not telling a man he is about to be a father is one hugh lie, As a person who says they don't lie, I can't see how you would be able to keep a secret like that. Makes no sense to me.

 

Bottom line, if this MM has done as you have said and intentionally got you pregnant then he should take responsibility for his actions.

 

 

Correction: I meant to say: I'm sure his wife ISN'T fond of it either". Lying that is.

[quankanne]

You say you are not into lying. I'm sure his wife is fond of it either. MM lies to survive. Not telling a man he is about to be a father is one hugh lie, As a person who says they don't lie, I can't see how you would be able to keep a secret like that. Makes no sense to me.

 

under normal circumstances and in dealing with someone who has others' best interests in mind, I'd agree. But this guy sounds like a complete worm, feeding her stories about low sperm count but wanting to knock G up as he's working on getting knocking up his wife; saying disparaging and conflicting things to someone who theoretically pregnant with your child is also a huge red flag … the guy sounds like he's just in it for "me me me" and wouldn't give a rat's *ss about anyone else. Even what you've posted ("Truth is, when they are having sex, both of them are aware that she could get pregnant. If what he has said to you about his wife is true, why would he go along with the plan?") shows that you question this guy's integrity.

 

factor in a child, and I can see why a mother would want to protect her little one from someone like that!

[whichwayisup]

HN, MM's wife knows about her but just doesn't know the extent of their 'friendship'. I'm sure MM has lied to his wife about who Gwen is.

[quankanne]

CB, I think you're missing the whole point here: She's already decided what action needs to be taken – ending the affair/contact with a man who hasn't demonstrated decent behavior – and she's choosing the welfare of her unborn child over keeping that child's other parent in the loop. She might have a change of heart later, but for now, she's doing her best for her baby.

[whichwayisup]

I know CB's response is very harsh but I think his overall point is, why did G had sex with him in the first place as she knew what kind of man he is/was from the beginning.