It's been a Bad year so far...

[PandorasBox]

I was just wondering, if you choose not to tell him, since you all work together or at least might would run into him somewhere, if she sees you and your pregnant belly once it starts to show later on, and he asks you who the father is, what will you tell him?

[mental_traveller]

We may be wasting our breath. All this advice is assuming that G gives a damn about the best interests and rights of the child, the wife, or the wayward husband.

 

I don't see any evidence that she feels this way.

[NoIDidn't]

I completely understand what you're saying. I understand its more so for the benefit of the child. However, IMO (doesn't mean its right or wrong) I think the wife needs to know as well, because she does have a say so in wheather or not she wants to remain in a situation where her H has slept with another woman and created a child.

 

"But that is jsut my thoughts."

 

As they are mine.

 

We all have put our opinons on the table, now its time for the OP to do alot of soul searching in what she feels she needs to do.

 

You got no disagreement from me.

 

A lot of soul searching.

[Ms. Red]

Before anyone was told or is told.

 

She should confirm that she even is.

 

At my work we don't even require our lab confirm anymore. We just book pre-natals & take it from there.

 

Home tests are more than 99 percent accurate & one would have to be an idiot not to use it correctly.

[Gwyneth]

Thank you for all your replies. I was at work most of the day and I also went to a center where the pregnancy was confirmed for me. The center was recommended by my doctor, who I will still see this coming week.

 

I choose not to tell him for so many reasons. For one, he's irresponsible and from the little time I have spent with him, he has made Many promises of which none he ever kept. He's not reliable. He's immature. And the list goes on...

 

I am not sure if I want to subject myself to more disapointment with him--such as, him saying he will be a part of his child's life and then one day just decide he doesn't want to be. I don't want to have to even Risk putting my baby in that situation. He's not a reliable person at all. He also has many issues that I can hardly stand anymore.

 

Yes, we have been back and forth in this relationship, and no matter how awful I have always been to him, he always comes back. I passed by him today and he smiled (his usualy "omg there she is" smile), but I just looked at him and continued on.

 

For the record, we do Not work together. I just happen to pass through where he works in order for me to get to work. It's unavoidable unless I change my schedule.

 

I imagine that when the child is old enough, he or she can decide for themself whether or not they want to meet the father--as long as I have control over it, I just cannot imagine having this unstable man in his or her life.

 

I have a couple of friends who do not know whom their real fathers are, and they turned out to be mighty fine. There mother's remarried and one was even adopted by her step-father (whom she dislikes more than anything).

 

Also, my boss does not know whom the father is, nor does she have any idea that I was seeing a MM. Of course neither does her assistant. My sister knows, of course. And the guy I had a few dates with knows my story--he wasn't freaked out by it at all, surprisingly. His moto in life is "sh*t happens, and we learn from our experiences." He himself actually did a no-no in his past--he slept with his former best friend's girlfriend. Ouch. We both talked about the situations we were in with being the OP and compared and found some similiarities. Fortunately for him he didn't impregnante her. Hey, no regrets here--it must be my time to have a child.

 

About the condom thing, let's not harbor on the issue that I wasn't "sure" if he had one on. What's done is done, and condoms break all the time.

[GreenEyedLady]

Gwenyth:

 

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

 

Good luck in your future! You're going to be a mommy!

 

Whatever you choose to do is your business and no one else's...You know what's best for you and your child...

 

GEL

[imstunned]

Yeah - its nobodys business what you do, except you will get peoples opinions as you are positing about it on a public forum. And its not whats best for the child for its motnehr to withold its own fathers identity. I notice you havent pm'd me :-(. Its a shame but I expect you dont want to hear what I have to say.

 

You do what you think is best, nobody can tell you to otherwise even when their advice is comming from the best possible place and is based on direct experience. In the early years when your child is young your feelings may well change, mine have - which is exactly my point.

 

Good luck to you x

[ladyintights]

Karma is universal law.

 

What you just said does not add up.

 

The way karma works is for one bad deed you do, another bad deed will happen upon you and so on and soforth.

 

Let's take your sitch.

 

Getting emotionally intangled with a MM-bad

Getting Physical with a MM-bad

Him lying to his wife-Bad

Him cheating on his wife-Bad

Him lying to you-bad

Him getting another woman pregnant outside his marriage-bad

You getting preg by a MM-bad

You lying to the wife about the involvement of your husband and you-Bad

 

Do you understand? Even now you have been doing small acts of unneccessary misfortune.

 

You getting pregnant by a MM and raising a baby by yourself? That could be viewed as universal law right there.

 

I wish you well, but you need to start being honest about your situation and how you got to this point in your life.

 

BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO PEOPLE NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO OR HOW THEY LIVE LIFE, im sorry to tell you. BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE. I know some want and NEED to believe that others get harmed when they make bad, hurtful decisions- this makes you feel that some sort of justice takes place in such a random and chaotic world, but it's just too illogical. There is no essence or being that wreaks havoc on a person when they make bad choices. That's just a normal event that happens no matter what in life. BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO EVERYONE- get used to it.

 

Also, I see getting pregnant as a BLESSING as the OP clearly shows love and want for this child. Bad would be continuing a relationship with a loser like his wife has- his wife is going to be stuck with this guy in a marriage who cheats on her and got her pregnant in the mean time. If anyone is being dealt a magical hit of "karma", it's the wife.

 

OP, don't worry about these superstitious nonsensical people who wish extra pain on people who had errors in judgement.

You are a bigger and more mature person than I though. I know that if I felt I was purposely knocked up, I'd have the urge to make the guy's life hell. But since the situation is accepted with open arms, I guess you can see that YES this is doable and you see the GOOD that actually can come out of it.

Good for you and good luck.

[ladyintights]

BTW Chrome Barracuda, I'm sure your nasty behavior and antics don't merit karma to bite you in the azz, huh? Of course not.. because people like you never step back enough to notice their own faults and hideous attributes in life.

[bentnotbroken]

BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO PEOPLE NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO OR HOW THEY LIVE LIFE, im sorry to tell you. BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE. I know some want and NEED to believe that others get harmed when they make bad, hurtful decisions- this makes you feel that some sort of justice takes place in such a random and chaotic world, but it's just too illogical. There is no essence or being that wreaks havoc on a person when they make bad choices. That's just a normal event that happens no matter what in life. BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO EVERYONE- get used to it.

 

Also, I see getting pregnant as a BLESSING as the OP clearly shows love and want for this child. Bad would be continuing a relationship with a loser like his wife has- his wife is going to be stuck with this guy in a marriage who cheats on her and got her pregnant in the mean time. If anyone is being dealt a magical hit of "karma", it's the wife.

 

OP, don't worry about these superstitious nonsensical people who wish extra pain on people who had errors in judgement.

You are a bigger and more mature person than I though. I know that if I felt I was purposely knocked up, I'd have the urge to make the guy's life hell. But since the situation is accepted with open arms, I guess you can see that YES this is doable and you see the GOOD that actually can come out of it.

Good for you and good luck.

 

 

 

Children are blessings and gifts from God. To be loved, cherished, protected and taught. I don't believe in karma, but I do believe in reaping what we sow. I don't wish Gwen any bad luck and I hope she takes real good care of herself and her child. But the situation isn't best for her or her child. As she is very capable I am sure she will handle it. But to think that it is a situation that could have been avoided is what I see some of the posters saying. I don't recall anyone wishing ill will on her or her child. If I am wrong, please point it out. And just because you belief that we don't sometimes contribute to our own hurts and chaotic situations is IMO illogical. Yes, there are some who believe in God and his reprimands( I am one)and you choice not to believe that doesn't effect my belief at all. You are who you are and I am who I am.

 

I believe Gwen can handle this situation, as his wife will, but do I think it could have been avoided all together. For the sake of both women. I don't give a rat's turd what happens to him.

[ladyintights]

Children are blessings and gifts from God. To be loved, cherished, protected and taught. I don't believe in karma, but I do believe in reaping what we sow. I don't wish Gwen any bad luck and I hope she takes real good care of herself and her child. But the situation isn't best for her or her child. As she is very capable I am sure she will handle it. But to think that it is a situation that could have been avoided is what I see some of the posters saying. I don't recall anyone wishing ill will on her or her child. If I am wrong, please point it out. And just because you belief that we don't sometimes contribute to our own hurts and chaotic situations is IMO illogical. Yes, there are some who believe in God and his reprimands( I am one)and you choice not to believe that doesn't effect my belief at all. You are who you are and I am who I am.

 

I believe Gwen can handle this situation, as his wife will, but do I think it could have been avoided all together. For the sake of both women. I don't give a rat's turd what happens to him.

 

The only people who are or will reprimand this woman are many of you who do not realize that WHAT IS DONE IS DONE. No logical POINT harping on about it either, is there? Other than in the effort of vile people trying to make her feel even more badly about the situation- it's those that relish in other peoples' pain unfortunately who have the largest of mouths. She is clearly remorseful and a good person- LET IT GO!

And this child will probably turn out to be the best thing that has and will ever happen in her life.

"Contributing to our own hurt" is a little- ok a LOT- different than what others are suggesting in "Karma" and "what goes around comes around". "Universal law".. I kinda of laughed when I heard that. I think people need to see a little beyond their own personal hurt and pain to voice a clearer opinion on the matter.

[bentnotbroken]

The only people who are or will reprimand this woman are many of you who do not realize that WHAT IS DONE IS DONE. No logical POINT harping on about it either, is there? Other than in the effort of vile people trying to make her feel even more badly about the situation- it's those that relish in other peoples' pain unfortunately who have the largest of mouths. She is clearly remorseful and a good person- LET IT GO!

And this child will probably turn out to be the best thing that has and will ever happen in her life.

"Contributing to our own hurt" is a little- ok a LOT- different than what others are suggesting in "Karma" and "what goes around comes around". "Universal law".. I kinda of laughed when I heard that. I think people need to see a little beyond their own personal hurt and pain to voice a clearer opinion on the matter.

 

If you read my post to Gwen you know that I didn't say anything about her getting what she deserves. I don't know what she deserves. I think that child deserves to be healthy and happy and I do believe Gwen can make sure that happens. As I have said before, she is a capable person. And she is in a hard place right now. Children are always the best thing to happen to us. They are a blessing from God.

 

Your assumption of vileness is from your point of view. Mine is from a different point. I want Gwen to have a safe pregnacy and delivery. Ever woman deserves to have that, no matter how the pregnacy came about.

 

And just as you laugh when you think of the beliefs of reaping what we sow, I would chuckle when I think of people who don't believe their actions contribute to situations in their lives.

[whichwayisup]

Number one, Gwen's priorities will change completely. All that soul-mate, loveydovey stuff she felt for her MM, wanting to be his bestfriend and have him in her life so much will disappear once that baby comes. She is going to be responsible for her baby, and she'll want to protect him/her from ANY source of pain and drama.

[Gwyneth]

I am with the group of people that also believe that bad things happen to even the most virtuous people. I am not sure how I feel about Karma. I don't think it's fair to say me ending up pregnant is a result of bad karma--I never view pregnancy as that. For his wife, perhaps because she's just That deperate to hold on to her cheating husband that she thinks having a baby will solve all their problems and keep them around. He's already trying to change his work schedule so he wont be home during the night. Real mature and what a father he's going to be. This is the man whose baby I'm carrying--and it's no wonder why I don't want to tell him.

 

I'm not trying to take away fatherhood from him or my baby's relationship with his or her father, but to protect My baby from the biggest juvenile there is.

 

Yeah, he was at a time my soul mate, and he still was up until a month ago, and now that he told me his wife is trying to get pregnant, I realized what a jacka** he is. He's obviously trying too yet in the midst of an affair. Is he For real? He has no respect for his wife so why should I risk the respect from him to my child? He's impossible--and I don't want that in my child's life. My child will be better off without the turd of a father God chose to be of my child.

 

imstunned, it's not that i'm ignoring you, but I don't really understand why you want me to PM you--I don't have any questions, but if you want to PM me then that's is acceptable. Go for it. Just don't get upset that I haven't yet--I still have a maibox full of emails I haven't responded to--kind of busy being pregnant and with my life.

[imstunned]

I'm not upset. I just have first hand experience of bringing up a child without its father on the scene. Things that I never expected have cropped up for me. Thats all. I'm sure you'll do just fine.

 

Best of luck xx

[GreenEyedLady]

Hi everyone!

 

I don't mean to overstep my bounds here, but I think if people can't be supportive, perhaps they should not reply to this thread...

 

Gwnyeth is pregnant and has already made her decision, a decision that affects her and her baby, not anyone posting here...

 

She does not need to be stressed, that's not good for the baby...

 

I ask this as I know everyone has good intentions and their own opinions, but in the spirit of LS, let's give someone here asking for support, just that, support...

 

GEL

[Gwyneth]

Thank you, Gel. Once again my defensive reply caused me to be flagged. Thank you to those who are just hurtful and so unsupportive. To say that my child will resent me is really hurtful and deameaning. Why would someone say such hurtful things? I have my reasons for not telling this man about this child. And let's not forget that I never wanted a relationship beyond an affair with this man--that has been my feelings from the getko.

[bentnotbroken]

Gwen is it possible for you not to be on here much. I mean it seems as if it is very stressful, or it would be for me. You are going to be a mother and that puts you in lioness mode. It will add undue stress and anger. Think of yourself and what you need to do to have a healthy delivery.

[whichwayisup]

Or just learn to ignore the unsupportive comments. Don't react to them, or start putting some on ignore.

[GreenEyedLady]

Thank you, Gel.

 

You're very welcome! This should be a time of celebration, no matter the circumstance...A baby is a very precious gift, a gift that is now bestowed onto you...Treasure this time...

 

Love,

 

GEL

[Gwyneth]

Gwen is it possible for you not to be on here much. I mean it seems as if it is very stressful, or it would be for me. You are going to be a mother and that puts you in lioness mode. It will add undue stress and anger. Think of yourself and what you need to do to have a healthy delivery.

 

I actually haven't been coming on here much, but lately I have had messages in my inbox that I come on here to check, then I check this thread. Yeah I know, it's uneeded stress and I have ignored most of the rude posters but today, one just pushed my last button. I am super hormonal as it is and what that person said really crossed the limits here.

[Chapter2]

Hi Gwyn,

 

I went through a surprising and unplanned pregnancy ten+ years ago and I was so scared. I told my sister first as well:) I, too, wrestled with some of the same decisions you are wrestling with. Worrying about decisions that need to be made further down the line robbed me of one of the sweetest and most wonderful times of my life...my pregnancy with the most wonderful wrecking ball that's ever come into my life. My daughter.

 

One thing I can tell you for sure is that the different things you are imagining might happen in the future most likely won't...at least not the way you are imagining it today. You have time to think about disclosure to whom you want and when you want. Did my child turn my life completely upside down? Without a doubt. She was also instrumental in what would be the most redemptive part of my life. Yes, its expensive and frightening to raise a child alone...I did it without a dime of child support. I had people around me that supported me and some that didn't. Is it unfair that a child is raised without one of their parents even when due to the conduct of one of those parents? Yes, it is. Is it also unfair that some kids are raised with two parents in their lives but without the love of either? Yes, it is. Life is unfair in many ways.

 

I'm certainly not dismissing the enormity of what you are going through... what I would like to remind you of is that if you have made the decision to keep this child then please consider giving yourself the grace to let this unfold one day or even one hour at a time. Everyone processes hearing things like this through their own sifter and it can push some really painful buttons that bring on a lot of the judgment you've received on this thread. Thankfully, some people offer truth and kindness. Do your best to remember that this is the very safest place in the world to condemn others at times as the people posting here have no face.

 

Your baby was planned by someone far greater than you or anyone else...of that I am sure. He or she is not a mistake.

 

My advice is to surround yourself with people who really love you and will speak truth into your life. Truth can and should come with empathy and in love. You will most certainly have to wrestle with all of these decisions in time, but you don't have to do it today or even this week. Like I tell my daughter when she is overwhelmed with something that seems far too big to handle...lets break into bites instead of trying to eat the whole thing at once...if you don't, you'll choke.

 

Most importantly...pray, pray, pray...you will be met! It won't be easy but you can have tremendous joy in this new life.

Edited February 11, 2008 by Chapter2

[bentnotbroken]

Hi Gwyn,

 

I went through a surprising and unplanned pregnancy ten+ years ago and I was so scared. I told my sister first as well:) I, too, wrestled with some of the same decisions you are wrestling with. Worrying about decisions that need to be made further down the line robbed me of one of the sweetest and most wonderful times of my life...my pregnancy with the most wonderful wrecking ball that's ever come into my life. My daughter.

 

One thing I can tell you for sure is that the different things you are imagining might happen in the future most likely won't...at least not the way you are imagining it today. You have time to think about disclosure to whom you want and when you want. Did my child turn my life completely upside down? Without a doubt. She was also instrumental in what would be the most redemptive part of my life. Yes, its expensive and frightening to raise a child alone...I did it without a dime of child support. I had people around me that supported me and some that didn't. Is it unfair that a child is raised without one of their parents even when due to the conduct of one of those parents? Yes, it is. Is it also unfair that some kids are raised with two parents in their lives but without the love of either? Yes, it is. Life is unfair in many ways.

 

I'm certainly not dismissing the enormity of what you are going through... what I would like to remind you of is that if you have made the decision to keep this child then please consider giving yourself the grace to let this unfold one day or even one hour at a time. Everyone processes hearing things like this through their own sifter and it can push some really painful buttons that bring on a lot of the judgment you've received on this thread. Thankfully, some people offer truth and kindness. Do your best to remember that this is the very safest place in the world to condemn others at times as the people posting here have no face.

 

Your baby was planned by someone far greater than you or anyone else...of that I am sure. He or she is not a mistake.

 

My advice is to surround yourself with people who really love you and will speak truth into your life. Truth can and should come with empathy and in love. You will most certainly have to wrestle with all of these decisions in time, but you don't have to do it today or even this week. Like I tell my daughter when she is overwhelmed with something that seems far too big to handle...lets break into bites instead of trying to eat the whole thing at once...if you don't, you'll choke.

 

Most importantly...pray, pray, pray...you will be met! It won't be easy but you can have tremendous joy in this new life.

 

 

 

Beautiful post.

[Gwyneth]

Thank you, Chapter2. This most certainly was such a beautiful, well written post.

 

I was discussing the issues with my sister tonight about whether or not to tell MM about the pregnancy, and she is still supporting whatever decision I make. She thinks I am relating this all to our own father--useless soul he has always been. She also knows first hand the situation I have been in during this affair and also understands why I am opposed at telling MM about the baby.

 

Some time this week I am going to visit my mother and take her through a walk through the park and let her know that I am pregnant. She always has the best advice and although she doesn't know too much about the extent of my R with the MM, I will take her advise to heart. After all, she did raise my sister and I on her own pretty much for the first ten years of our life (we are only 15 months apart).

[Chapter2]

Thank you, Chapter2. This most certainly was such a beautiful, well written post.

 

I was discussing the issues with my sister tonight about whether or not to tell MM about the pregnancy, and she is still supporting whatever decision I make. She thinks I am relating this all to our own father--useless soul he has always been. She also knows first hand the situation I have been in during this affair and also understands why I am opposed at telling MM about the baby.

 

Some time this week I am going to visit my mother and take her through a walk through the park and let her know that I am pregnant. She always has the best advice and although she doesn't know too much about the extent of my R with the MM, I will take her advise to heart. After all, she did raise my sister and I on her own pretty much for the first ten years of our life (we are only 15 months apart).

 

I'm thankful to have the opportunity to share the ways I wish I had done things a little differently. I wish you nothing but blessings.