It's been a Bad year so far...

[norajane]

It's silly of me to be worried about him trying to take away this baby from me. For one, he has a family of 3--possibly 4, and makes less than 60k per year. His wife has decided she isn't going to work anymore, so how a family of 3 survives on that much money is pretty amazing to me. I make more than him for a single person, and I'm stable (at least I think I am mentally wise).

 

I dunno. I think he's more likely to want to talk to you into an abortion (or maybe giving it up for adoption, if he's opposed to abortion), or to question whether the baby is his, rather than to try to gain full custody.

 

Either that, or his wife will kick him out on his ass when she finds out he's gotten someone else pregnant when they have been trying to get pregnant. If she's not pregnant, that might be the more likely scenario. If she is pregnant, who knows? But I doubt she'll want your baby in her house.

[Gwyneth]

Hell Gwen, you make me sound ancient. :laugh:

 

 

Ha Ha, no no...even when I was growing up in the 80s it was a lot less expensive to survive. YOu have to remember I'm talking about living in the NYC Metro Area--it's expensive here, if not the most expensive place to live, in the country.

[Gwyneth]

I dunno. I think he's more likely to want to talk to you into an abortion (or maybe giving it up for adoption, if he's opposed to abortion), or to question whether the baby is his, rather than to try to gain full custody.

 

Either that, or his wife will kick him out on his ass when she finds out he's gotten someone else pregnant when they have been trying to get pregnant. If she's not pregnant, that might be the more likely scenario. If she is pregnant, who knows? But I doubt she'll want your baby in her house.

 

I doubt it too. His scenario, other than jumping off a cliff, was that she's kick him out. Like he'd even consider telling her he has gotten another woman pregnant? C'mon now--we're talking about the King of liars here. He has denied every thing about me so far to his wife (according to him, of course). He'd want to have some kind of polygamist life style that I'm not all that fond of (Big Love is my fav show though, but not a fan of the lifestyle). I don't think he'd ask me to get rid of it--he knows that's not an option, and he knows something happened in my past (I never told him I have had an abortion).

 

His wife had previously taken a pregnancy test that resulted negatively. He claimed this was the morning after they had sex (she's quite desparate). My feeling is, she knows her man is having some sort of affair yet is desperate to have a baby--she is probably trying anything at this point to keep him around. I guess she thinks having a baby will solve All their problems. He has made it seem like she is the only one that wants a baby here, which is why earlier I said "apparently he doesn't have the penis that provides the sperm to fertlize an egg." He must be quite ignorant to think I'd believe it's only her that wants a baby. I mean, I know he doesn't, but c'mon, wrap it up or tell her you aren't ready. He has a very difficult time admitting what he really wants when he knows it will upset the other person (I have seen him act this way with me, so most likely he acts this way with others, including her).

[norajane]

My feeling is, she knows her man is having some sort of affair yet is desperate to have a baby--she is probably trying anything at this point to keep him around. I guess she thinks having a baby will solve All their problems.

 

He has made it seem like she is the only one that wants a baby here, which is why earlier I said "apparently he doesn't have the penis that provides the sperm to fertlize an egg."

 

He must be quite ignorant to think I'd believe it's only her that wants a baby. I mean, I know he doesn't, but c'mon, wrap it up or tell her you aren't ready. He has a very difficult time admitting what he really wants when he knows it will upset the other person (I have seen him act this way with me, so most likely he acts this way with others, including her).

 

That's an awfully big assumption to make based on information that is solely coming from the King of Liars. Don't believe him when he tells you this sh*t, and don't project even more and pile on assumptions on top of his misinformation.

 

As you said, he tends to act a certain way with you, and he probably acts the same way with her...and lies to you both about what his relationship is like with each of you. He's probably rubbing her tummy after sex, too, and talking about getting her pregnant.

[Gwyneth]

That's an awfully big assumption to make based on information that is solely coming from the King of Liars. Don't believe him when he tells you this sh*t, and don't project even more and pile on assumptions on top of his misinformation.

 

As you said, he tends to act a certain way with you, and he probably acts the same way with her...and lies to you both about what his relationship is like with each of you. He's probably rubbing her tummy after sex, too, and talking about getting her pregnant.

 

 

Right. And this is the man some of you think I should tell I'm pregnant with his baby?

[bentnotbroken]

I doubt it too. His scenario, other than jumping off a cliff, was that she's kick him out. Like he'd even consider telling her he has gotten another woman pregnant? C'mon now--we're talking about the King of liars here. He has denied every thing about me so far to his wife (according to him, of course). He'd want to have some kind of polygamist life style that I'm not all that fond of (Big Love is my fav show though, but not a fan of the lifestyle). I don't think he'd ask me to get rid of it--he knows that's not an option, and he knows something happened in my past (I never told him I have had an abortion).

 

His wife had previously taken a pregnancy test that resulted negatively. He claimed this was the morning after they had sex (she's quite desparate). My feeling is, she knows her man is having some sort of affair yet is desperate to have a baby--she is probably trying anything at this point to keep him around. I guess she thinks having a baby will solve All their problems. He has made it seem like she is the only one that wants a baby here, which is why earlier I said "apparently he doesn't have the penis that provides the sperm to fertlize an egg." He must be quite ignorant to think I'd believe it's only her that wants a baby. I mean, I know he doesn't, but c'mon, wrap it up or tell her you aren't ready. He has a very difficult time admitting what he really wants when he knows it will upset the other person (I have seen him act this way with me, so most likely he acts this way with others, including her).

 

 

 

Gwen, don't make general assumptions about the wife. She is in the same situation you are in.....telling with the biggest turd in the turd hall of fame. She is as much a victem as you. In the biggest case more. She is married to the turd.

[Gwyneth]

Yeah, she's married to the turd, but that's her choice. She knows he's unfaithful yet chooses to stay with him. As I have said before, I am not the first woman to interfere with their marriage, and most likely not the last. Having a child will not change anything at home (and if it does, I'd be surprised).

 

Not only does she choose to stay with the turd, but she also chooses to have a child with him. What does that say about her character? Not much--I'm making generalizations based on what I know. She knows her husband is unfaithful, yet chooses to have a child with him. It's clear as day she's a schmuck.

Edited February 8, 2008 by Gwyneth

[norajane]

Right. And this is the man some of you think I should tell I'm pregnant with his baby?

 

Well, some of us told you he was an ass a long time ago. And you kept saying he was like a soul mate and just friends and just an EA, not a PA, and then there was that whole discussion of whether you were "proud" being his OW or whether you weren't...so we'll all probably disagree on the right thing to do at this point since there are so many conflicting issues throughout this whole mess.

 

I honestly would have no idea what I'd do if I were in your shoes. I probably wouldn't have the baby. And I'd beat the living sh*t out of him for taking off that condom without telling you, if that's what he did. Sneaking off the condom without your knowledge is an assault in my book, and I wish he could be arrested or sued for it. He played Russian roulette with your health and your LIFE, and has completely changed your entire life for the rest of your life by doing so.

[bentnotbroken]

Yeah, she's married to the turd, but that's her choice. She knows he's unfaithful yet chooses to stay with him. As I have said before, I am not the first woman to interfere with their marriage, and most likely not the last. Having a child will not change anything at home (and if it does, I'd be surprised).

 

Not only does she choose to stay with the turd, but she also chooses to have a child with him. What does that say about her character? Not much--I'm making generalizations based on what I know. She knows her husband is unfaithful, yet chooses to have a child with him. It's clear as day she's a schmuck.

 

 

 

But, Gwen, it is also the same man you chose to have sex with and get pregnant. You both knew what you were dealing with. And now he is the one who can walk away and never look back and the two of you would be raising siblings, alone.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Well, some of us told you he was an ass a long time ago. And you kept saying he was like a soul mate and just friends and just an EA, not a PA, and then there was that whole discussion of whether you were "proud" being his OW or whether you weren't...so we'll all probably disagree on the right thing to do at this point since there are so many conflicting issues throughout this whole mess.

 

I honestly would have no idea what I'd do if I were in your shoes. I probably wouldn't have the baby. And I'd beat the living sh*t out of him for taking off that condom without telling you, if that's what he did. Sneaking off the condom without your knowledge is an assault in my book, and I wish he could be arrested or sued for it. He played Russian roulette with your health and your LIFE, and has completely changed your entire life for the rest of your life by doing so.

 

Hey she made her bed now she can lie in it.

 

Even now she refuses to see where her actions have caused her be right in this exact moment. Right now she refuses to show remorse over her actions. If you notice not one time has she sounded sorry for what she has done on her part. But yet she points the finger at him and says it's his fault!

 

it takes two to tango!!!!

[Gwyneth]

Both her and I are probably better off without him.

[bentnotbroken]

Both her and I are probably better off without him.[/quote)

 

 

I agree, you both probably will be. All I am saying is that your actions actually mirror some of hers. So if you are going to question her character, you have to question your own. And as you think what you are doing is right, so does she.

[OpenBook]

Right now she refuses to show remorse over her actions.

 

Chrome, she doesn't owe you any "show" of remorse.

 

Gwynnie, I'm a little confused about the timing of all of this. You say you've only been sleeping with him for a couple weeks... and already you think you're pregnant? Isn't it a little early to tell? I remember when I was your age, the "jolting" of sex sent my cycle haywire... especially when I hadn't had it for awhile. But it didn't mean I was pregnant. Is it possible you're jumping the gun just a little on this? And forgive me for asking, BUT -- Are you harboring some secret desire to become pregnant, because he told you he was trying to conceive with his W?

[Gwyneth]

Both her and I are probably better off without him.[/quote)

 

 

I agree, you both probably will be. All I am saying is that your actions actually mirror some of hers. So if you are going to question her character, you have to question your own. And as you think what you are doing is right, so does she.

 

Right, except I didn't plan on getting pregnant by a man I know is a cheater. I have had sex many times in my life and have carelessly gotten pregnant twice now. Of course this time I was under the impression a condom was being used--apparently not, or it broke. I most certainly did not plan on this happening, especially now when I had planned on traveling for work within the next few months--not riding the porcelin bowl daily. I had morning sickness with my first pregnancy while it lasted, and I most likely will this time too.

 

An abortion or adoption is just out of the question. I suffered for years after having my first abortion. It's the worst thing I had ever suffered through, including my grandfather's death. Right now I have been the happiest since that abortion, even considering the circumstances. I can't explain it, I just am. I deeply regreted having to have one all those years ago but knew it was the right thing to do. Right now I know in my heart it wouldn't be the right thing to do--I work now and have a very good job with great benefits and can afford to have a child. At the age of 21 I wasn't financially or mentally prepared for a child. I was in college and my focus was graduating. I have accomplished all of that now and maybe this pregnancy happened for a reason--maybe it happened to help me heel from my first pregnancy.

 

I think one could only understand what I mean if they have similarly gone through the same experience as I. Yes, I was wrong for having an affair wtih a married man, but none of this matters to me right now--I'm pregnant and need to worry only about this baby and my health. That is what matters right now, not what I did wrong. I have no regrets about this pregnancy and am looking foward to meeting this baby next fall. I'm already in love with him or her.

[Gwyneth]

Chrome, she doesn't owe you any "show" of remorse.

 

Gwynnie, I'm a little confused about the timing of all of this. You say you've only been sleeping with him for a couple weeks... and already you think you're pregnant? Isn't it a little early to tell? I remember when I was your age, the "jolting" of sex sent my cycle haywire... especially when I hadn't had it for awhile. But it didn't mean I was pregnant. Is it possible you're jumping the gun just a little on this? And forgive me for asking, BUT -- Are you harboring some secret desire to become pregnant, because he told you he was trying to conceive with his W?

 

I missed my period, and had a positive pregnancy test. Still haven't had my period. What more do I need? I have been pregnant before and have the same feelings. It's been a few weeks since we have had sex, probably even almost a month.

[bentnotbroken]

 

Right, except I didn't plan on getting pregnant by a man I know is a cheater. I have had sex many times in my life and have carelessly gotten pregnant twice now. Of course this time I was under the impression a condom was being used--apparently not, or it broke. I most certainly did not plan on this happening, especially now when I had planned on traveling for work within the next few months--not riding the porcelin bowl daily. I had morning sickness with my first pregnancy while it lasted, and I most likely will this time too.

 

An abortion or adoption is just out of the question. I suffered for years after having my first abortion. It's the worst thing I had ever suffered through, including my grandfather's death. Right now I have been the happiest since that abortion, even considering the circumstances. I can't explain it, I just am. I deeply regreted having to have one all those years ago but knew it was the right thing to do. Right now I know in my heart it wouldn't be the right thing to do--I work now and have a very good job with great benefits and can afford to have a child. At the age of 21 I wasn't financially or mentally prepared for a child. I was in college and my focus was graduating. I have accomplished all of that now and maybe this pregnancy happened for a reason--maybe it happened to help me heel from my first pregnancy.

 

I think one could only understand what I mean if they have similarly gone through the same experience as I. Yes, I was wrong for having an affair wtih a married man, but none of this matters to me right now--I'm pregnant and need to worry only about this baby and my health. That is what matters right now, not what I did wrong. I have no regrets about this pregnancy and am looking foward to meeting this baby next fall. I'm already in love with him or her.[/quote)

 

 

Gwen, I don't want you to think that I want you to say what you did was wrong. I don't. I just want you not to make general assumptions about her motives, as I am sure you don't want anyone making general assuptions about yours. You know you used the wife trying to hold on to him at all cost stereotype and some people are going to use the ow, get him anyway you can stereotype. You know that isn't true for you, so just assume that what you think about her isn't true either.

 

I also had an abortion when I was 20 and it is one of the biggest regrets of my life. I have asked for forgiveness and I feel as if it has been granted. I am for a woman's right to choose, so whatever you feel right for you is what you have to do. As I said in my first post, take care of yourself.

[Gwyneth]

 

Right, except I didn't plan on getting pregnant by a man I know is a cheater. I have had sex many times in my life and have carelessly gotten pregnant twice now. Of course this time I was under the impression a condom was being used--apparently not, or it broke. I most certainly did not plan on this happening, especially now when I had planned on traveling for work within the next few months--not riding the porcelin bowl daily. I had morning sickness with my first pregnancy while it lasted, and I most likely will this time too.

 

An abortion or adoption is just out of the question. I suffered for years after having my first abortion. It's the worst thing I had ever suffered through, including my grandfather's death. Right now I have been the happiest since that abortion, even considering the circumstances. I can't explain it, I just am. I deeply regreted having to have one all those years ago but knew it was the right thing to do. Right now I know in my heart it wouldn't be the right thing to do--I work now and have a very good job with great benefits and can afford to have a child. At the age of 21 I wasn't financially or mentally prepared for a child. I was in college and my focus was graduating. I have accomplished all of that now and maybe this pregnancy happened for a reason--maybe it happened to help me heel from my first pregnancy.

 

I think one could only understand what I mean if they have similarly gone through the same experience as I. Yes, I was wrong for having an affair wtih a married man, but none of this matters to me right now--I'm pregnant and need to worry only about this baby and my health. That is what matters right now, not what I did wrong. I have no regrets about this pregnancy and am looking foward to meeting this baby next fall. I'm already in love with him or her.[/quote)

 

 

Gwen, I don't want you to think that I want you to say what you did was wrong. I don't. I just want you not to make general assumptions about her motives, as I am sure you don't want anyone making general assuptions about yours. You know you used the wife trying to hold on to him at all cost stereotype and some people are going to use the ow, get him anyway you can stereotype. You know that isn't true for you, so just assume that what you think about her isn't true either.

 

I also had an abortion when I was 20 and it is one of the biggest regrets of my life. I have asked for forgiveness and I feel as if it has been granted. I am for a woman's right to choose, so whatever you feel right for you is what you have to do. As I said in my first post, take care of yourself.

 

Some people are making assumptions about me--I'm in major defense mode.

 

I am trying my hardest to take care of myself

[underpants]

If for some reason the doctor says you are not pregnant, do you think you would see this married man again? To try again?

[Gwyneth]

If for some reason the doctor says you are not pregnant, do you think you would see this married man again? To try again?

 

Absolutely not, because, and I thought I had posted already, that even if I wasn't pregnant, and he told me his wife might be and that "she's" trying, that it was over between he and I. I don't want a man who has a child--now or on the way.

[bentnotbroken]

 

Some people are making assumptions about me--I'm in major defense mode.

 

I am trying my hardest to take care of myself

 

 

 

 

 

That's all I was trying to say, is don't make assumptions about the wife either. You both have been used by a turd. Give her the same benefit of the doubt that you want.

[LucreziaBorgia]

What a mess. Gwen, I hope you will put OW times behind you and prepare yourself to be a parent. Two, even. You will be mother and father to this child. You will need to decide if you want your child legally recognized as MM's. It will mean that BW will be involved in your baby's life though. There is no avoiding that.

 

I can't imagine what would happen if BW found out, particularly since she wants a child of her own so badly. She would see it as a horrible injustice - even to the point of questioning G_d himself: a child that is planned and born into a marriage doesn't seem to be in the cards for her, but an unplanned child born at her expense and from adultery does. She will be crushed to the soul no doubt. There is no telling how she would handle it. Would she want revenge? Not sure. Do you really want to chance it?

 

Honestly, if it were me I'd be wary of having a man of that character anywhere near my child, and would try to find a way to get him to sign off his parental rights and simply just never see or talk to him again.

[Gwyneth]

One of my best friends who is becoming a lawyer had suggested to me that if I end up pregnant by this man (and she doesn't know I am right now), that I need to have him sign off on this child, legally, not by my own word. She said she will support me in this and do whatever she has to do to help me. Once I find out more info from my doctor, I will speak with this friend and see what she suggests. I am very horrified that the wife will do anything she can to make my life and the baby's life a living hell--I don't want that, and that is why I'm escaping it all by not letting daddy know. God only knows what she'd do--she'd probably try to kill me or something. She's crazy--according to him of course. I'd imagine any woman would be and do crazy things if she found out her partner impregnated another woman.

[bentnotbroken]

And she might just act like a mother. Sometimes, that instinct overrides even our own emotions. If, and everything is still in the if phase, you two are pregnant, you will be the mother of siblings. I don't think you can go by anything this man tells you. It is time you stop quoting the things he has told you. It is clear he is a liar.

[Gwyneth]

Siblings by blood, that's all. I might not even tell people who the father is--so far only my sister knows.

 

Tonight I stupidly told the guy I had a few dates with that I'm pregnant. He surprisingly took this well. I told him I bet he thinks I'm a horrible person and he says sh*t happens. He really cheered me up and asked that when he comes back from his business trips, that he can take me out to celebrate the pregnancy. I said sure--and why not?

[becauseofyou]

Not sure if anyone has said this yet but congratulations on the pregnancy Gwyneth. I know it's not the best circumstances and it's going to be a difficult adjustment for you but just in terms of having a child and the joy that brings - congratulations. I sincerely wish you a happy and healthy baby. And I hope things get easier in your situation too. Best of luck.