Never been with anyone else, is if bad to wonder if you are happy with your SO?

[redfathom]

I have been with my H since I was 15, now 25. I have never been with anyone else! For the past few years I have been questioning my happiness, his happiness, and life in general.

 

This is very hard to explain. Since I have not been with someone else, I don't know what it feels like to be loved by someone else or to love someone else (honestly the thought is scary). Because of this, is it wrong or selfish of me to question my happiness or on occasion lack of happiness with my H.

 

Is this a grass is greener on the other side syndrome? I really don't know if the grass would be greener on the other side or not because I have no basis for comparison.

 

Every situation has it's pro's and con's. I love my H, but I wonder if I have felt the depth of my love and passion for someone with him. I do love my H (not like I used to, I am not sure if that means not as much as I used to) he is a good man, but I still wonder...it's like I have been walking a path in my life for so long and I am starting to wonder what other roads are out there waiting for me.

[melodymatters]

Oh Red, there is no perfect person, relationship or path in life. Most relationships get more best friend-y and less passionate with time.

 

Yes, it's a shame that you found a good partner so soon in your life: both a blessing AND a curse. Now and then you likely WILL have nagging feelings like your are having, that perhaps you " missed out".

 

If he is a good person, you are blessed, some of us go our whole lives without finding a truly compatible partner.

 

If I were you, I would try to spice up the relationship I am in, and try and explore and have adventures in other parts of your life, be it career, a hobby, traveling, start a band etc.

 

Good luck, and keep posting.

 

and oh yeah....Whats up ? lol:cool:

[redfathom]

haha!!! How many times have you said that today?

 

Yeah, I know. I need to find ways to get over this feeling. I like the suggestion of hobbies. I want to start o Kayaking in the spring and maybe my H and I can start taking a cooking class together. That was it gives us both a hobby we can do together.

[Cobra_X30]

haha!!! How many times have you said that today?

 

Yeah, I know. I need to find ways to get over this feeling. I like the suggestion of hobbies. I want to start o Kayaking in the spring and maybe my H and I can start taking a cooking class together. That was it gives us both a hobby we can do together.

 

Realistically, there is always someone better. It doesn't matter if you have been with 1 or 100 guys, you will always know that the grass is greener.

 

The problem is that the grass doesn't stay green. Your H needs to do some replanting and watering!

 

Oh Yeah! Almost forgot Wassup!

[redfathom]

Hi Cobra, been a long time. Glad to see you are still here. How is your cousin, last time I was on you two were not speaking because you went off on his trashy gf (I still say kudos).

 

I agree, there is always someone better. I am sure he could find someone better then me. We did take up motorcycle riding and can finally go out this weekend, together. Maybe that will get the sparks flying.

 

Maybe I should bring a little sunshine so we wants to water the plants. HAHA.

[Mr. Lucky]

it's like I have been walking a path in my life for so long and I am starting to wonder what other roads are out there waiting for me.

That other road might be different, but that doesn't mean better. Be careful what you wish for...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

BTW - Is some componet of your curiousity sexual?

[norajane]

This post might give you an interesting perspective to consider:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t143683/

[dropdeadlegs]

redfathom,

 

As long as there is love there is hope. Don't leave without lack of love.

 

I've followed some of your posts. Your H has been an ass at times. But most partners will be asses. I wish he could share your love of ice skating. I think that would make your life as near to perfect as perfect gets.

 

Enjoy your differences as much as possible.

 

When you no longer love, my advice is to leave. But not until then.

[quankanne]

Because of this, is it wrong or selfish of me to question my happiness or on occasion lack of happiness with my H.

 

people hit certain levels in the maturation process when it comes to relationships, I've noticed: Usually around Year 7 and Year 13-15 it's like they've "become" a whole other person than they were when they started out or when they've first come to realize something's different about their way of thinking. Again, it's not the thinking that's harmful – people are curious by nature, and tend to compare situations – but in acting on those thoughts when they could be harmful to the relationship.

 

throw in the "grass is greener" syndrome, especially when you're steamed at your sweetie … whoo! Then you have all KINDS of cranky, unhappy, "I'm not fulfilled" thoughts that can make you overlook the good of the relationship!

 

I'd say that rather than drive yourself nuts, look into marriage enrichment, into a program that helps you focus on the good that you do have and that helps you to improve communication skills with each other, because it gives you a whole new look (and appreciation) for your partner. At least this has been my experience, and that "investment" helped us weed out the unnecessary crap to focus on the necessary crap

 

quank

who thinks Gaston – Msr. "It's a Bore" – was a hottie;

Honore would be arrested for singing about his "little girls"!

[redfathom]

Mr. Lucky,

 

It's not sexual at all. While my H's and my sex life have become dysfunctional and I have very low self esteem in the bedroom right now, I don't want to go out and have flings with other men.

 

The things I am curious about are would someone love me for the things my H doesn't. Would they encourage me in area where my H held me back. Would they make me feel understood and accepted for the things I let myself feel bad about.

 

I guess if I started to value everything as life experience and not only value the good I would get more enrinchment from our relationship.

[norajane]

The things I am curious about are would someone love me for the things my H doesn't. Would they encourage me in area where my H held me back. Would they make me feel understood and accepted for the things I let myself feel bad about.

 

The answer to that is yes. Different people are attracted to different qualities in us, and they bring out different qualities in us as well. The thing is, if new guy encourages you in an area H holds you back, new guy might also hold you back in areas where H encourages you.

[redfathom]

Yes, I thought of that. But my H holds me back in the areas that make me, well me.

 

Examples: when I went back to college, I wanted to get my degree in Art, he said that was a waste of a degree and would not allow me to get a good job (I stopped going, but I realize I can't blame him for this), I want to be a comic book artist and I am good, not quit good enough but if I was motivated and tried very hard over the next five years I could in my opinion go somewhere with my skills.

 

My other love is ice skating, I am taking ice dancing and very proud of what I have accomplished I had a lesson on Saturday and invited my H to come and watch. He asked if we would be doing lifts and I said no, so he said that it's boring to watch. The one time he came to watch, he bought the camera along, my lesson was 30 min. Almost the whole time he was taking pictures of and filming other skaters. When my instructor (who has been skating and compeited in ice dancing for 10 years) and I went over to him to look at pictures he had taken of us he said he did not take that many because all we did "was skate around the rink" and did not do any spins or jumps. My instructor was slightly insulted and so was I. My H's hobby drag racing in his car on a 1/8 track, in which I go and sit in my car for two hours while he races for 10 seconds every 30 minutes in a straight line. Sorry, but to me that is boring, but I go and I tell him he did a great job and I am proud of him.

 

I enjoy cooking and creating new meals, my BIL always comliments my cooking, my H always has criticism (which I guess he veiw as constructive, yet all he makes in spaggetti from a jar).

 

When I was in school (I am an A student, granted I went to JC so the classes were not vry hard) I came home after a very important test and asked him to guess my grade (I was glowing) he said a "B". I was dissapointed because I felt that was the amount of faith he had in me. Also, when he talks about my qualities he says like: your pretty and kind, a good artist (however not good enough) but he never says smart.

 

I want him to push me to the the best person I can be, but like someone mentioned on this board in the past, he might be holding me back because he is afraid of losing me.

Edited February 8, 2008 by redfathom

[Chrome Barracuda]

Um red I can't stand ICE skating!!!!

 

I mean the men's ice skating is just too gay for me... lol.

 

I'm playing but seriously if your not doing anything incredible I can see why he might be bored.

 

But to answer your original question. The grass aint always greener.

 

It all becomes the same thing after a while. Your in a good marriage. You can cultivate it to be better. That's what you guys gotta do. Keep it invigorating!

 

 

Good luck to you.

[redfathom]

I know, haha. The funny thing is in my ice skating group of friends there are four men, me and one other women who skates with us. Two of the men are gay, the other two are straight, but I can see why he would think it's boring. It might not be incredible to him, but is it to me. Plus everyone can drive a car in a straight line. There is nothing incredible about that, but to him there is.

 

I wish he would take up hockey, now that's hot. (sigh)

 

Yeah, things are boring, we will have to work on that. Thanks for the reply.

[dropdeadlegs]

I can see how ice dancing might not be as stimulating as pairs skating (with the throws and jumps, etc.) What I don't understand is how your H, someone who loves you, can't enjoy the fact that YOU enjoy ice dancing. There are so many things my SO enjoys (many I don't even understand at all,) but the fact that he takes such pride in them puts a smile on my face. His happiness makes me crazy/happy.

 

There's a certain amount of selflessness in any relationship. I'm not judging, and don't have the answers as to how much is the right amount, but some balance is seemingly needed.