Xrawe Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 I have known my girlfriend for over a year, but we have been going out for about 6 months now. Anyways, about 2 months ago she told me that her ex called and basically he wants to get back together with her and she was irritated by it. He called her about 4 more times and so I asked her if she had told him that we were going out. She said no and I asked her why not, she said if she did he might get more aggressive and she knew exactly how to deal with him. For the past couple of months I have had a knot in my stomach because I have a feeling that something is going on, but when I ask her she says everything is fine and that she fine. She has not mentioned anything more about her ex since. I thought everything was cool and then a few days ago I was on her computer backing up my email because the account was too large and as I hit the save button, guess what folder pops up. It was a folder full of emails that she had saved and it turns out that for the last 5 months they have been emailing each other almost on a every other day basis. Sometimes 4 times a day. I read a few of them and it seems that he wants her back and she still has not given him no indication that we are going out. I love her very much and I have invested a lot into this relationship, and as well I do not want to loose her. I do not know how to confront her about this. What more, I have to be moving out of town permanently and I am going to be away from the country for a month. She will be moving to come and join me in september, but she will be staying in town for the summer. The ex also lives in town...I do not know what to do..my hands are even shaking as I type this up because it does bother me a lot...somebody please help... Link to post Share on other sites
steffany Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 You have got to bring it up. Ask her again...then ask her to reassure you. Then tell her you are only so concerned because you were....(story you told us about email) and saw that they have been writing so much. When (and she will) tries to change this to being about you invading her privacy, keep your mind straight. It isn't you in the wrong. If there were emails about cartoons from her brother she wouldn't feel like her privacy was invaded. You need to get her to tell her ex about you before you move and if she refuses then hun I think she has other ideas instore. But that's just what I see Link to post Share on other sites
lynnedays Posted June 26, 2003 Share Posted June 26, 2003 I also agree that you should bring it up. Make sure you tell her the story. *Technically* it was wrong for you to read the emails, and I don't think she would be wrong for being slightly annoyed that you did it... but simply and calmly ask her what she would have done if the situation had been reversed. Tell her your human and love her and because this has been worrying you ..you did look. I would have...I think everyone would. Anyway, she should have told him by now that you too are together. Tell her you know she knows him, but your a guy ... and you know that most guys always think there is still a chance unless they are firmly told that there is none becasue she loves you. I think if this situation was reversed she would be feeling a bit insecure too. I dont' think ti's necessarily bad that she is emailing the ex (though what person likes their boyfriend/girlfriend talking to there ex) but I feel bad for the ex a bit that she is just letting him hang on to hope. Perhaps she enjoys it a bit having him want her? Not cause she wants him but because it's nice to be wanted. I dont' know. Good luck. Give us an update. Link to post Share on other sites
diggitydag Posted June 29, 2003 Share Posted June 29, 2003 Funny situation. The same thing actually happened to me. My girl didn't tell her ex-boy tool of 5 years that we were dating after four months, mostly because he was a territorial freak that masterbates furiously and beats up his own friends when they jestingly hit of her. She still keeps close contact with this kid with daily phone calls and e-mails, which pisses me off greatly, but she has reassured me that I am the only one for her, that her ex is just a friend now and that I give her the best sex of her life, which is a nice self-esteem booster. She has given me reassurance, which is what you need. I would tell you not to worry about it but she is doing this e-mailing **** behind your back which isn't cool. I'd confront her about it and not in a understanding way, or else she will walk all over you. The very fact that she wasn't upfront about her contacts with her ex indicates that she either doesn't respect you and is hiding **** from you, or else is just friends with this kid. I suspect the former. Be as straightforward and upfront as possible. Tell her exactly how you are feeling, and if she does anything short of going on her knees, apologizing, and possibly a blow, I'd dump her on the spot, unless she is ****ing gorgeous. Just depends how much bull**** you want to put up with. Frankly, after I talked in a strict manner to my girl about her friendship with her ex, our relationship has become exponentially better. If she twists **** and starts blaming you for anything don't put up with it. She is at fault for being a furtive flirt with this kid. Personally, if she gave you any lip I'd find another, hotter girl, with the exception again if you are dating a Jennifer Lopez. Link to post Share on other sites
jitters Posted June 29, 2003 Share Posted June 29, 2003 Alternately, you have this guy's email since you have her emails to him. So you could email him directly and explain that she is in a committed relationship with you... cc her and see what happens. Looks like whatever you decide to do, the sh*t is already stirred up. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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