Why do most girls dislike Indian guys?

[sweetguy2008]

Hi everyone. I am an Indian guy (East Indian) living in the US...I get a feeling that most girls here do not like Indian guys. For example, I was in the gym the other day for a group fitness class and we needed a partner to exercise with, so I was randomly paired up with one American girl....she did not even smile back at me and it seemed she didn't want to even look at me. That's just one example, but in daily life too, me and my Indian friends have experienced that most American girls put on a very contemptuous and unfriendly expression when an Indian guy happens to make a casual eye contact (not leering) with them.

 

What is it about most Indian guys that girls hate? looks? accent? behavior? cleanliness? manners? height? color? culture? I would really like to know what repels most girls from Indian guys and maybe try to improve if its possible.

Thanks.

[BabyPhoenix]

I went to a university with a very large South Asian population, and I currently live in an area with the same. I must say that none of the white women (I assume this is what you mean when you say "American") I went to university with were repelled in any way by Indian men. I would say the oppossite. (I think Indian men are very hot!)

 

People's attitudes may be a reflection of a close-minded culture. Where do you live? How old are you?

[LucreziaBorgia]

I wouldn't say it is hatred so much as it is general discomfort and ignorance (not in the insulting sense, but a true ignorance of other's background and culture).

 

I am from the south, and where I am from a good deal of people here assume that if someone is brown they must be a 'terrorist'. People here where I live are generally uncomfortable with someone who looks different than they do in terms of skin color, and about people they next to nothing about culturally or ethnically.

[ash519]

Well, I dont know what that girls issue was. I have no problem with men from India. Have you seen Mohinder on the show "Heroes" man he is SEXY!!!!

[sweetguy2008]

I am 24 yrs old and live in Tempe...studying at ASU...i am trying to be in a relationship here, but its quite difficult to interact with the american girls..they dont seem to be interested in a conversation...i wonder if its my strong indian accent?

[4givrnt4gtr]

Well, I dont know what that girls issue was. I have no problem with men from India. Have you seen Mohinder on the show "Heroes" man he is SEXY!!!!

 

OHHHH i totally agree, that man IS seexy! those chiseled features...mmm.mmm.mmm

 

ANYWAY,

 

In response to OP. I personally have absolutely no problem with Indian men, in fact I am dating one currently (with those mmmm mmm mm chiseled features...but i digress )

 

However, I have heared a few comments regarding Indian men...and from the sound of it, many women are a bit weary of the cultural stereotypes...let me enlighten you on a few, in case you havent heard them yet. (DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT AGREE WITH THESE STEREOTYPES)

 

1. Indian men are very macho. They see women as beneath them, and will treat them as such

2. Indian men expect their women to be like their personal maid

3. Indian men have no idea how to date or treat a girl on a date (this actually may have a bit of truth into it, since, as far as I am told by my BF, dating is rather rare in India)

4. All Indian men have been promised to someone else at birth, so they are just messing around with other women while they have to get married

5. IF they arent promised to someone at birth, they still have to marry an Indian girl, preferibly from the same area, same language and same religion. They will never marry someone who isnt. (This one stings a little, bc even my bf agrees that his parents would rather him being with someone from India, yet he's still willing to marry me if his parents like me well enough)

6. Indian men are cheap

7. Indian men are sloppy

 

As you may have guessed I have gathered all these lovely stereotypes in the time ive been dating my bf and when i dated a guy from Sri Lanka (thats another misconception, Sri Lanka and Indian are two different countries people!). Whenever i told/tell someone im dating an Indian guy, something from that list comes up.

 

I think you just need to find an open minded girl, and make sure you let her know that although there are a lot of cultural differences, you're still just a guy, like any other guy, and will respond not bc of the color of your skin or your ethnicity, but because of how you are as a person and how you feel about her.

 

Good luck!

[Jilly Bean]

Are you asking the stereotypes of Indians?

 

1 - unclean

2 - disrespectful to women

3 - anti-American

4 - untrustworthy

 

Just the stereotypes - not my personal sentiment. Though honestly, I am not attracted to Indian men in the slightest.

 

ASU is terribly whitey white, as is that entire area, really. Not a ton of ethnic diversity. If you were in school in LA, Boston, NYC, you would be having a far different experience.

 

That being said - just continue to be you. Remember a lot of young people in college are coming from their own often very sheltered environments, and are just learning about other cultures. It's not an excuse, but an explanation. Perhaps try finding clubs and groups that would have more open-minded members than your average sorority chick who may snub you based on appearance and prejudice alone.

[Trialbyfire]

I live in a city with heavy eastern cultural differences. A potpourri of cultures.

 

Of the traditional East Indian men, they tend to treat women as inferiors. Of the westernized Indian men, many are very good-looking and have a flair for the ladies.

 

I wouldn't worry about the odd uncomfortable chick. More than likely, she just needs more exposure to other races and cultures. If she's the neo-nazi, who cares about what she thinks?

[cassano203]

OHHHH i totally agree, that man IS seexy! those chiseled features...mmm.mmm.mmm

 

ANYWAY,

 

In response to OP. I personally have absolutely no problem with Indian men, in fact I am dating one currently (with those mmmm mmm mm chiseled features...but i digress )

 

However, I have heared a few comments regarding Indian men...and from the sound of it, many women are a bit weary of the cultural stereotypes...let me enlighten you on a few, in case you havent heard them yet. (DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT AGREE WITH THESE STEREOTYPES)

 

1. Indian men are very macho. They see women as beneath them, and will treat them as such

2. Indian men expect their women to be like their personal maid

3. Indian men have no idea how to date or treat a girl on a date (this actually may have a bit of truth into it, since, as far as I am told by my BF, dating is rather rare in India)

4. All Indian men have been promised to someone else at birth, so they are just messing around with other women while they have to get married

5. IF they arent promised to someone at birth, they still have to marry an Indian girl, preferibly from the same area, same language and same religion. They will never marry someone who isnt. (This one stings a little, bc even my bf agrees that his parents would rather him being with someone from India, yet he's still willing to marry me if his parents like me well enough)

6. Indian men are cheap

7. Indian men are sloppy

 

As you may have guessed I have gathered all these lovely stereotypes in the time ive been dating my bf and when i dated a guy from Sri Lanka (thats another misconception, Sri Lanka and Indian are two different countries people!). Whenever i told/tell someone im dating an Indian guy, something from that list comes up.

 

I think you just need to find an open minded girl, and make sure you let her know that although there are a lot of cultural differences, you're still just a guy, like any other guy, and will respond not bc of the color of your skin or your ethnicity, but because of how you are as a person and how you feel about her.

 

Good luck!

 

I believe all the above can be applied to African guys and w/ the exception of #4, south american guys. ( The belief that the woman should be subservient to the man, etc).

 

#4 is definitely true for Indian guys as I have a few mates from India and back in HS they all dated and messed around w/ American girls but now they are older they've all settled w/ Indian girls- both American born/bred and those born and bred in India.

[Lizzie60]

One of my most beautiful lover was an East Indian guy.. he was 6'3, beautiful face, long straight black hair, straight white teeth.. the most sexy smile..

 

He always smelled good..

 

On the other hand, I've been with an older Indian guy and this one was sloppy...

[Little Shy]

I think you have potentially opened a huge can of worms here...

I think that if you want to look at this lightly, you can say, different strokes for different folks.

I am 1st generation European living in the US. I had pretty little exposure to Indian/Eastern men growing up. Sometime, about 3-6 years ago, I started thinking they were really hot.

To be perfectly honest with you, I am one of the few American/white girls I know who share this interest. Because I believe in live & let live, my girlfriends don't question me about my patterns of interest, nor do I ask them much about what motivates them racially or otherwise in their patterns of interest.

You asked for a direct answer. I think the previous responses gave you more than that. You got some pretty direct stereotypes, which, I will have to agree with, seem to fit the stereotypical norm with how Indian/middle eastern men may be perceived by women here living in the states.

I hope these responses have not been terribly offensive to you, but I would not be surprised if they were.

On the more difficult side of things, i guess most unfortunately you have to consider our ugly political position with everything happening in the middle east. Perhaps in our giant melting pot then, the most attractive partner to hook up with now, might not (fair on not) appear to be someone who's origin is from that region. I hate to say this.

For me personally, this does not phase me. I fall in love with who I fall in love with, and race has never been a factor for me. If I ever fell for a guy from a different country or culture (I have been very attracted to and dated men from 3rd world countries, & I am very attracted to Israeli men for example) and a girlfriend tried to "pre- worn" me on racial or cultural concerns, I just blew them off & did the best as I could at trying to get to know my prospective dating partner as an individual human being outside of that.

But that is just my experience.

One thing I can say though, is if you hits all the spots, clubs, museums, or wherever you go socially to meet girls, with all your guy buddies, and if they are all Indian/Eastern, that is a more challenging situation.

Everytime I have ever met a group of guys that were all tourists, or recent immigrants, or new citizens to the US out, and they only hang out with people of their same origin, it makes me wonder if they even want to assimilate into the lifestyle of an Americans?

Or would they prefer to live in America, in a type of pod where they can continuosly preserve their old country traditions, and live as if they were still back at home? Do they embrace US culture & people, or just want to live here, & not associate with Americans, only those from their native country.

Going out with a posse of people exclusively from your country of origin, (with thick accents particularly) may give some people/women the impression that YOU might only be interested in keeping amongst your own, unless, perhaps it were for a short term deal that might serve your own personal interest if you get what I am saying here.

I sure hope I have not been offensive to you in offering my opinion here.

As I said earlier, I happen to think Indian men are insanely attractive.

The end of my advice...there are more of us out there,

good luck to you.

[Ariadne]

Well,

 

I'm not American, but I didn't find Indian men particularly attractive until I met this guy in person. Then I had a bit of a crush going.

 

I loved everything dark about him, everything was just gorgeous. I started to love India too, everything about India was just amazing.

 

But in general, something I found a bit of a turn-off about Indian guys in clubs etc, is that they seem pretty desperate.

 

India rocks! The vedas rock!

 

Ariadne

[compassion42]

I have to agree with the post of "Little Shy" above.(excellent insight by the way) in particular, her comment about how women may come to conclusions when she sees a group of Indian guys and may be intimidated or just make assumptions based upon that.

How do your parents feel about your interest in American women?

[Walk]

I worked at the college with several man from India over several years, and I noticed a few differences that (if I had been seeking a partner at the time) would have prevented me from dating them.

 

Sometimes I found the accent difficult to understand. It made me feel like I was constantly asking "can you repeat that", and kind of added a barrier to our interactions.

 

Most of them were extremely intelligent, knew several languages, had traveled extensively, and were in masters programs at the university. Frankly, I felt stupid next to them. I felt like a small town hick with the brain about the size of a pea.

 

I've found that the way many men from India approach business situations is different from american raised men. They tend to be very forceful in their negotiations. They don't seem to have the nuances of the interactions and come off as more abrupt, more forceful, more demanding, then the american men I interact with. Not that this is a bad way of doing things, but it wasn't something I found attractive in a romantic partner.

 

And last, I had a hard time finding common ground with them when our backgrounds, families, upbringing, everything was so different. And all this depended greatly on how long they had been in america, and their background in India. For instance, a guy I work with right now was complaining about money the other day, and he just got back from a month long vacation traveling the Middle East. To me that is rich. To him, he's poor. I don't understand and it creates a gap between understanding each other.

 

I have a question though... I've had 3 middle eastern men attempt to purchase me as a wife. And when I said no thank you, they wouldn't leave me alone until I was blatantly rude to them. Why did they do this? Is it a joke? It sure didn't come across as a joke at the time, and although I attempted to be very polite about it, they wouldn't take no as an answer. It scared the bejesus out of me at the time. Do you have any idea why they did this?

[AriaIncognito]

OP -

 

I think it's going to depend on where you are. Some areas of the US are filled with India born men and women, and some are not used to it at all. Where I am, I am actually becoming the minority due to how many have come to live here from India (due to the industries they tend to work in being prevalent in my area - happens to be the industry I work in as well). I'm living amongst them at home and working with them at work.

 

I think, for the most part, it comes down to what barriers you are willing to cross on a personal level. For many years, there were barriers between whites dating blacks, etc. Now of course it's a lot more common, but it took years to get there. I think this could also be the case for whites dating indians here. I think the country isn't used to it yet, and while society is becoming more open by the decade (acceptance of interracial couples, then acceptance of same sex couples) it still has a long way to go.

 

Then there is the fact that not everyone will be attracted to everyone else. I've found some indian men to be very attractive. I'm not sure that I would date them, because I dont find them attractive in that way, if you understand. Pleasing to look at and pleasing to spend your life with are two different things.

 

Just keep putting yourself out there. Dating is, after all, a numbers game. The more people you weed through, the higher your chance is of finding a keeper :-)

[dot.dot]

Hi Guys

I am an indian guy. I live in boston.i have been in boston for three years now.

i agree with indian guys seeming desperate in clubs. it has more to do with whiteness of skin of american girls

Media:

well...wht i had to say was that we (indians) cannot blame americans for stereotyping us.Americans (most of them) get influenced by the media rather than the actual truth.Media (movies) has always categorised Indians as uncouth. Take into consideration any hollywood movie.Even we (Indians) are quite influenced by the media.I always thought white girls as innocent and sweet and flawless unless i actually came here and saw.

I was Resident Assistant for sometime.I realized that they can be bitchy and very much 'hateable'.

 

Stereotype:

Most of the second generation indians have their origin in two states of India {Andhra Pradesh and Gujarat (Patels, Shahs, Pandyas etc)}.These people have created an image (in the minds of americans) for the whole of India.People from diferent states have different disposition and attitude towards life.Now u wud argue tht it is true for every country.But my counterstatement would be - you have to come to India to see the difference.It has a population of a BILLION.

 

While I wont say its hard to date American girls, but for us (indians) its not easy either.I know i sound quite ambiguous and stupid.

But as someone put it , we can do it do it stepwise. have American guys as friends and then have american girlfriends:)

[sweetguy2008]

Thanks a lot everyone for sharing your thoughts. I got quite a lot of insight into what girls could be thinking when they see me.

 

I had kind of realized a long time back that being with a group of Indian guys is not the best way to attract an american girl...which is what I am trying to avoid now. These days I also practice speaking in an American accent with a friend of mine . My parents seem to be quite open minded and I dont think they would mind if I marry a non-Indian girl, as long as she is educated.

 

Ariadne - It is very true that Indian guys at the clubs seem pretty desperate and I believe there are 3 reaons for this -

 

1. Strict norms of the Indian culture and society when it comes to sex and dating (which is virtually non-existent in India). You can be certain that 95% of the Indian guys you see around you haven't even kissed a girl!!..forget about having sex.

 

2. When such sexually repressed Indian guys come to America, they are bombarded with sights of extraordinarily beautiful girls wearing highly revealing outfits in day-to-day life..on streets, at the gym, in clubs, at school!...outfits which are only seen on page 3 in India.

 

3. And when they try to approach a girl, most of them are met with disdainful looks and unfriendly gestures because of whatever reason..accent, appearance, stereotypes etc..as we have already discussed in this post.

 

This repressed psychology compounded with a failed social interaction with Americans is probably the reason why they seem so desperate at the clubs. This is the plight of Indian guys studying/working in the US . When I came to the US, I was also one of these desperate guys...when I looked at myself in the mirror I lost all my self-respect for being so lustful and desperate and not being able to concentrate on my work.

 

As for your question 'Walk', I really dont know why the 3 men tried to harass you. Were they drunk? I think anyone would be scared in such a situation and any girl would probably have to take a harsher stance.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

These days I also practice speaking in an American accent with a friend of mine .

 

Btw, when listening to that guy I mentioned (Nithyananda) I loved his accent. It was so awesome and cute. So much so that it almost made me want to talk like him and hung at his every word. Accents can be very attractive once you like the person. Don't forget.

 

Indian guys at the clubs seem pretty desperate and I believe there are 3 reaons for this...

 

Yeah, those make sense.

Edited February 10, 2008 by Ariadne

[OrangeSnack]

Well i think its just a cultural difference. That's why you don't see a lot of foreigners with white girls unless their from Europe or Australia. Anyway, I know a handful of Caucasian girls who are into Asian guys, but I don't know if they count Indians as Asians.

[Taramere]

I'm a Brit not an American, so maybe it doesn't count...but I've often found I got on pretty well with Indian men. I like dark hair and dark eyes, so that helps. Thinking of a few Indian men I come into contact with on a regular basis (eg local businessmen) I find them gentle, polite and friendly in their manner, and generally comfortable to be around.

[lino]

from what I've heard of non-Indian women commenting on Indian men, they say they aren't really into Indian guys because of their smell. Eating that curry all the time does have that effect. I hope not to offend the Indian people but that's personally what I've heard white girls say that I've come in contact with.

In contrast, I find Indian women quite attractive.

[roxy_1980]

The guy that I'm persuing/is persuing me seems to have that problem too. (He's Filipino, not Indian, but faces alot of the exact same stereotypes and attitudes).

 

The Filipino women he'd meet aren't generally interested in him because they want to marry a white guy. (I work with ALOT of Filipinos and from what I can tell it's a status symbol. I can tell you every one of my coworkers that are married to a white guy, cause they told me within minutes of meeting me!) And most of the white women he meets have stereotypes about him based on his colour and accent (both of which are actually really light).

 

Oh, well, too bad for them! He's smoking hot and the most considerate guy I've ever met, so it's working out good for me so far.

 

In summary, people will have their own stereotypes about who they should date/marry. It's their loss. I'm sure you'll find a great woman who will appreciate you, you just have to keep looking and don't let people's prejudices get you down.

[CD111]

Well to put in my two cents...

I have previously gone on two dates with an East Indian man. He attends the same school as I do and we both are working on Master's degrees. He is definitely the best looking guy to have ever approached me for a date. I am a first generation European in the US, but have been living here most of my life. So I am pretty open minded and thought well, how cool would it be to learn more about Indian, because I really don't know that much.

Our first date went well. We had a good time and talked the whole time about school, India, life in general, where I am from and the city we live in. He also cooked Indian food and wow is that some good stuff. During our conversation I did mention that I want looking for a serious relationship because I was about to graduate and move to a different state, but that I did enjoy his company and would like to see him again.

 

Well we went out the next weekend and things started to go downhill. He came from a wealthy Indian family and he was very superficial, immature, spoiled. For example he demanded his parents to buy him the best, he falsified his father's signature on a loan in India and would only be happy if he could afford a $200,000 dollar car after he graduated.

Then he became much more drunk them me, was insulted when I said I wasn't going to spend the night and demanded to drive me home when he was drunk. Also boasted about how commonly he drives drunk. We were walking back to his house by the way not driving.

 

So, he did have a point driving home right after the bars close is not the best idea and I agreed to go to his house for half an hour (my car was parked there too). Well he decided to say that our conversation about having a relationship together was not over and that once he graduates he wants to move to the same city where i will be going. Even though I straight up told him I wasn't looking for a relationship. We pretty much got into a heated argument. I was floored.

 

Not to mention when he was drunk he decided to tell me that if he knew I wasn't from the particular country where I am from he wouldn't have been so interested in me. It's all about the image with this guy.

 

Yeah I was pretty disappointed about the whole thing and realized this is why I don't date random guys. I understand that not every East Indian male behaves like this but, for the many I have met most come from wealthy families and our perspective on life is just completely different.

[Lionblade]

Don't want to hijack your thread but I find it's the opposite. Especially when it comes to dating and Indian women; in most cases I find them to be more secluded than any other ethnicities (I only ever see them mostly with white men and sometimes Indian guys).

[roxy_1980]

Except that the OP is talking about the difficulty of Indian MEN getting dates in their new country, not the women.

 

The stereotypes about women from certain regions actually work in their favour when it comes to dating. Not the case for the men.