Why are we all suffering?

[Meta]

I've been seriously thinking about my attitude and problems I have with my relationships...I come here to read and share the pain with everybody. The more I read about other people's problems, the more I realize that we all go through similar emotions.

 

Recently, I have been actively dealing with issues that I didn't want to face for a long time. Why do I allow other people to step all over me? Why do I allow them to validate my existence? Why do I need to be loved? WHY ON EARTH DO I STRIVE FOR MEN THAT DON'T WANT ME?

 

The problem I see here is that a lot of people, including myself, have insecurities that make us feel vulnerable...and eventually makes us get attached a person too soon...and that's probably what scares people. I see myself as a very loving, caring person who has a lot to offer in a relationship, but it never seems to work out.

 

I am considered very good looking and most of my friends are surprised at how insecure I am. For a long time, I didn't know how beautiful I was...not physically, but emotionally. I now see how important I am...and how valuable I am as a person. I think that I never saw myself as a "love worthy" person and that's what allowed me to get attached to men too soon...it was like "I will never get a chance like this again" mentality. But I now see how stupid and degrading that attitude is. Whenever I read other people's messages here, I see myself and the desperation...but I think it's about time for me to stand up for myself and realize that I don't need to be that desperate...I am much more worthy than that. If a person doesn't recognize me for who I am, then it's their loss and it's because they don't have the ability, or quality to see the beautiful me. Do I want to be with a person who doesn't have that ability? NO.

 

Also, why do we always feel bad about a person not liking ME? Why do we give THEM the choice? It should be our choice. We should be the ones saying, "it's too bad that he/she doesn't recognize my qualities...I don't like them".

 

I am recently realizing how much we allow others to take control of our lives. Probably it's because we are all lonely and we all want to be loved and accepted. Probably it stems from an unhappy childhood, or abuse, or rejection...etc. But we have the power to overcome that. I have been thinking about this matter for a long time...and finally feel awake for the first time in my life. I can see who I am...I can see how much I am worth...and I can see who deserves me. Not that I deserve them...but they deserve me. If a person does not prove themself to me, then I will not allow myself to them. It is my choice and my decision to select who I will be with. Once you realize the power you have over your own life and decisions...you will see that you don't really need approval, or acceptance by other people to make you feel better...and that's probably when this vicious cycle of loneliness might end.

 

It seems like this random babbling ended up as a lecture...but I just felt like sharing this realization with everybody here because I understand the suffering and loneliness of not being loved the way we think we should be.

 

If this message can make a person at least take a moment to think about themself...and make him/her see how much they are worth...then it would be worth all the time and effort I put into writing this.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Debbie]

I would like to take a momet to personally thank you for helping me realize that I am not the only one out there that feels this way. Forevermore, I've been the floor mat, the abused, the mistreated, the questioned, the ponderer...I have had experiences which allow me to empathise with almost everyone here.

 

Lonliness is a serious issue. We need to realize how important it is to take control of ourselves. Otherwise, we'll be living for someone else.

 

Thanks again for your wealth of info. I do have issues just like everyone else that I am always hoping to discuss. If you have issues (this goes for anyone reading this reply, too) I would like to share/help whenever possible. I am a wonderful listener. Please email me @ <e-mail address removed>

 

I've posted a question already...regarding the current relationship that I am in. I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

[Shirley]

I've been seriously thinking about my attitude and problems I have with my relationships...I come here to read and share the pain with everybody. The more I read about other people's problems, the more I realize that we all go through similar emotions. Recently, I have been actively dealing with issues that I didn't want to face for a long time. Why do I allow other people to step all over me? Why do I allow them to validate my existence? Why do I need to be loved? WHY ON EARTH DO I STRIVE FOR MEN THAT DON'T WANT ME? The problem I see here is that a lot of people, including myself, have insecurities that make us feel vulnerable...and eventually makes us get attached a person too soon...and that's probably what scares people. I see myself as a very loving, caring person who has a lot to offer in a relationship, but it never seems to work out. I am considered very good looking and most of my friends are surprised at how insecure I am. For a long time, I didn't know how beautiful I was...not physically, but emotionally. I now see how important I am...and how valuable I am as a person. I think that I never saw myself as a "love worthy" person and that's what allowed me to get attached to men too soon...it was like "I will never get a chance like this again" mentality. But I now see how stupid and degrading that attitude is. Whenever I read other people's messages here, I see myself and the desperation...but I think it's about time for me to stand up for myself and realize that I don't need to be that desperate...I am much more worthy than that. If a person doesn't recognize me for who I am, then it's their loss and it's because they don't have the ability, or quality to see the beautiful me. Do I want to be with a person who doesn't have that ability? NO. Also, why do we always feel bad about a person not liking ME? Why do we give THEM the choice? It should be our choice. We should be the ones saying, "it's too bad that he/she doesn't recognize my qualities...I don't like them".

 

I am recently realizing how much we allow others to take control of our lives. Probably it's because we are all lonely and we all want to be loved and accepted. Probably it stems from an unhappy childhood, or abuse, or rejection...etc. But we have the power to overcome that. I have been thinking about this matter for a long time...and finally feel awake for the first time in my life. I can see who I am...I can see how much I am worth...and I can see who deserves me. Not that I deserve them...but they deserve me. If a person does not prove themself to me, then I will not allow myself to them. It is my choice and my decision to select who I will be with. Once you realize the power you have over your own life and decisions...you will see that you don't really need approval, or acceptance by other people to make you feel better...and that's probably when this vicious cycle of loneliness might end. It seems like this random babbling ended up as a lecture...but I just felt like sharing this realization with everybody here because I understand the suffering and loneliness of not being loved the way we think we should be. If this message can make a person at least take a moment to think about themself...and make him/her see how much they are worth...then it would be worth all the time and effort I put into writing this. Thanks for reading.

 

Hi There!

 

You hit the nail on the head when you talked about insecurities. That's why people let themselves be burned. For some reason they don't think they deserve any better. Or they are afraid that nothing better will come along, so they just settle for what they get. Another problem is that people don't know for sure what love really is or even how to know for sure when you've found it. And the whole world bases their lives on their relationships with other people. Whether it be a parent, a child, a boss, a friend, a lover, a sibling, or a partner. We have relationships will all of these people. and each one is totally different. Everyone in this world deserves happiness. And the problem comes when we try too hard to achieve it. We make ourselves miserable, trying to achieve happiness.