Lizzie60 Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 I went back to look at the threads you've started since the beginning... It seems that this is the type of thread you like to start for some reason... you've posted a few very similar ones. You keep saying 'you're confused, etc.' but methink you like to start some kind of OW/BS war in a verrrry subtle way.. Saturdays are boring... Just saying... -------------- I am just wanting to state something that most of us formerly betrayed have witnessed in many threads, but when it is brought up, the OPs vehemently deny. I am just always confused when the very things that others said were probably happening were denied, I am guessing fear of criticism and judgment plays a part in it. There are quite a few people who are willing to flame others for their feelings. But then, there are people like me, that are really wanting to understand more than just the good times. I am really not trying to get into specifics, if you can't tell. I just want to know why can't we discuss real feelings of disappointment without it turning into the thread of the century full of the required insults and polarized stances. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoIDidn't Posted February 9, 2008 Author Share Posted February 9, 2008 Is this the type of enviroment that invites people to open up and talk candidly and frankly about their sensitive subjects/emotions? Answer: I don't think so. That's my answer to this thread question, I am pretty sure I undestood the question now. When there is someone that constantly wants to inflame the conversation, no its not the type of environment for openness. When someone encourages more fear and more suspicion in their questioning of another's motive, no the environment no longer becomes conducive for real conversation. When a poster insists on being part of the problem being asked about instead of positively adding to the conversation, no, it is not the environment for openness. Thanks for your answer. I hope my answer to your question is sufficient. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 I find this thread to be one of the most interesting in a while. Why? Because some of the people posting here saying that we only want to see the negative, are the same ones who question my happiness in my marriage. Funny how we are supposed to see the positive when it comes to the OW and the possibility that she will have a happy ending, but when it comes to the success of a marriage post affair, well that's just impossible. I started a thread for BW on the infidelity forum a few months ago telling them that there is hope if both partners are willing to do what it takes to fix the marriage. Like bees on honey, the OW were there telling everyone that it's just not possible. Where is the positive thinking when the tables are turned and the MM really does love his wife and not the OW? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Is this the type of enviroment that invites people to open up and talk candidly and frankly about their sensitive subjects/emotions? As whole and I mean every section on LS, then yes. But, there will always be some people who aren't perfect and don't give the proper type of advice. If someone really feels strongly about not being able to open up here, then I'm sure they can find another more supportive forum that gives that type of support that person may need. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Ha-hem... Where is the positive thinking when the tables are turned and the MM really does love his wife and not the OW? There would be no OW if the MM would really love his wife.. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 As whole and I mean every section on LS, then yes. But, there will always be some people who aren't perfect and don't give the proper type of advice. If someone really feels strongly about not being able to open up here, then I'm sure they can find another more supportive forum that gives that type of support that person may need. Great point WWIS. There is a place for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 There would be no OW if the MM would really love his wife.. LOL Lizzie! Coming from you, that's funny...You always claim all your MM love their wives, are good husbands. You of all people should know that men can separate love and sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 As whole and I mean every section on LS, then yes. But, there will always be some people who aren't perfect and don't give the proper type of advice. If someone really feels strongly about not being able to open up here, then I'm sure they can find another more supportive forum that gives that type of support that person may need. That's excatly what I am getting at and a LOT of OW/OM don't feel comfortable opening up here anymore so they keep it to themselves. It's a simple as that. When there is someone that constantly wants to inflame the conversation, no its not the type of environment for openness. When someone encourages more fear and more suspicion in their questioning of another's motive, no the environment no longer becomes conducive for real conversation. When a poster insists on being part of the problem being asked about instead of positively adding to the conversation, no, it is not the environment for openness. well there you have it, you just answered your own question. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Ha-hem... Where is the positive thinking when the tables are turned and the MM really does love his wife and not the OW? There would be no OW if the MM would really love his wife.. Thank you Lizzie for proving my point. You never disappoint me. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 I started a thread for BW on the infidelity forum a few months ago telling them that there is hope if both partners are willing to do what it takes to fix the marriage. WellI knew there was hope cause my late mother forgave my father for cheating on her (it wasn't a long term A but an A nonetheless). They were much happier - it happened eons ago and ever since my father did everything to make it better - they've never been happier until the day my mother passed away. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Great point WWIS. There is a place for everyone. Thanks. I guess that's what I don't understand. LS is LS, and if some posters don't feel comfy here, yet they stay on. For what purpose? Some good wonderful advice and are here to help, but then some come and go, seem to only pop up on controversial threads to make their points. Bottomline is, if LS isn't helping a person get the proper support they feel they need, WHY stick around? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoIDidn't Posted February 9, 2008 Author Share Posted February 9, 2008 I went back to look at the threads you've started since the beginning... It seems that this is the type of thread you like to start for some reason... you've posted a few very similar ones. You keep saying 'you're confused, etc.' but methink you like to start some kind of OW/BS war in a verrrry subtle way.. -------------- I am not interested in starting a war. I am interested in people's feelings. To compare and contrast them to feelings that I have experienced. To get a good look at different points of view. Its not so much that I am confused, but frustrated. I am frustrated with the wars and lack of real discussion. I used to think that I had a mainstream view of things, so its interesting to find that others don't think like I do as much as I thought. So I like to know more. It would be helpful if the flamers wouldn't get involved, but it should be pretty obvious that I can't control them anymore than I can control what others are posting. I just want to know why the flamers have such power over complete strangers. Are you questioning my motivations for what I post? I really don't think a poster's motivations for what they post is any of anyone else's business. The point is they are interested in the responses they get. You are all strangers to me. What could I possibly do to you with any knowledge I get from the responses, regardless of my motives? I would be more concerned about a poster's motives if they asked for my phone number, email address, or IP address. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 That's excatly what I am getting at and a LOT of OW/OM don't feel comfortable opening up here anymore so they keep it to themselves. It's a simple as that. Okay, I'm being honest here, but I do believe (and I could be wrong, this is just my opinion here folks) that many DO enjoy the banter that goes on, and get reaction. I mean, why else would someone continue to post knowing they don't like the advice given here? Again, TONS of other forums out on the net...Im' sure there are certains ones just for OW/OM as well. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 That's excatly what I am getting at and a LOT of OW/OM don't feel comfortable opening up here anymore so they keep it to themselves. It's a simple as that. Why would they want to stay here and keep things to themselves? It seems to me that if someone is not getting what they need, it's time to move on. In reality, I could say the same thing about the MM in long term affairs. Maybe it's time for them to move on as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 LOL Lizzie! Coming from you, that's funny...You always claim all your MM love their wives, are good husbands. You of all people should know that men can separate love and sex. Yes I know.. but it makes me smile when I read BS constantly saying that MM love their W more than their OW... They don't... they DO love their W, in a way, like 'best friends' they are good husbands, they do not abuse their W... Men can separate love and sex.. (in my case, yes.. most not all).. but in a lot of cases they love the OW more than their W but they have too much to lose by leaving their M.. (kids, family, friends, financial security)... the bold stuff outweigh the love for the W... IMO Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Why would they want to stay here and keep things to themselves? See my answer on that one..Just my own theory..But then again, I could be wrong too. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Okay, I'm being honest here, but I do believe (and I could be wrong, this is just my opinion here folks) that many DO enjoy the banter that goes on, and get reaction. I mean, why else would someone continue to post knowing they don't like the advice given here? Again, TONS of other forums out on the net...Im' sure there are certains ones just for OW/OM as well. I so agree with this. Like I said on another thread, the ones with the most posts contain heated debate. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Okay, I'm being honest here, but I do believe (and I could be wrong, this is just my opinion here folks) that many DO enjoy the banter that goes on, and get reaction. I mean, why else would someone continue to post knowing they don't like the advice given here? Again, TONS of other forums out on the net...Im' sure there are certains ones just for OW/OM as well. I for one, usually stay out of a thread that is controversial, sometimes it is due to the time difference - by the time I get up, a thread is closed so I don't get to say much. Another thing is, I don't like confrontations that much - it's the Libra in me . I do find it useful (some of the threads) regardless controversial or not. I don't mind an open discussion as long as everyone tries to behave but seriously, I don't think that's possible. There will be some of us who feel as if we're being attacked - be it OW or not. I do agree with TC that sometimes people take it the wrong way when OW are being honest about something... just like people take it the wrong way when a BS say positive things like HN's thread. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Like I said on another thread, the ones with the most posts contain heated debate. In the past few days there's been some members and they've posted in this section. How many have reached out and gave their support to them? Yet, these types of threads, or threads that have drama/banter going on have many pages of replies....Just sayin'... Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 I find this thread to be one of the most interesting in a while. Why? Because some of the people posting here saying that we only want to see the negative, are the same ones who question my happiness in my marriage. Funny how we are supposed to see the positive when it comes to the OW and the possibility that she will have a happy ending, but when it comes to the success of a marriage post affair, well that's just impossible. That's true HN and I can honestly say I have been guilty of putting forth my philosophies in a very challenging way, and in fact you an I have had many disagreements on this and I would like to pulbicly state that YOUR particular case comes to mind when I now realise that my ideas have changed since I came first came to LS. It was thanks to the thread you just talked about that my ideas have shifted and I am not SO black and white about people who can actually make it work. I am more open to the idea now thanks to your story. The way in which you have always presented your situation has been very educational, for me at least. I apologise if I was persistant with you in past arguments but I have to admit I have learned SO much from your situation, and you are one of the few people on the oppposing sides that I can honestly say I respect for what you did and have changed my mind on how things actually CAN work. So just because people don't admit how HIGH or LOW they are feeling it doesn't mean that what they taken in here does not affect them. Not everyone has had this effect on me, but you have and it's fair to note that, if anything for all the grief I have given you in the past. For what it's worth you have definitely earned my respect. There you have it, Tomcat spills the beans Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 it's the Libra in me Damn! I wish my mom wasn't a Scorpio!! Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Yes I know.. but it makes me smile when I read BS constantly saying that MM love their W more than their OW... They don't... they DO love their W, in a way, like 'best friends' they are good husbands, they do not abuse their W... Men can separate love and sex.. (in my case, yes.. most not all).. but in a lot of cases they love the OW more than their W but they have too much to lose by leaving their M.. (kids, family, friends, financial security)... the bold stuff outweigh the love for the W... IMO Wow, Lizzie, you are so good to me today! Once again an OW posting that MM love the OW and they only love their W as a friend or they stay married because of anything but love for the W. It's just not possible for the MM to actually love his wife. Thanks again Lizzie, I do appreciate your support of my post. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 For what it's worth you have definitely earned my respect. I second that! Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Bottomline is, if LS isn't helping a person get the proper support they feel they need, WHY stick around? Because last I checked, so long as you stick to the site's protocol and guidelines it does not descriminate on why a person can or cannot do stay here. No where does it state, "this site is ONLY for people in need of advice" Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Wow, Lizzie, you are so good to me today! Once again an OW posting that MM love the OW and they only love their W as a friend or they stay married because of anything but love for the W. It's just not possible for the MM to actually love his wife. Thanks again Lizzie, I do appreciate your support of my post. You're very welcome.. Link to post Share on other sites
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