What I Just Never Get

[Tony]

This thread has devolved into incivility, disrespect and petty bickering. Get back on topic and rise to a higher degree of maturity or we will close this. If you have a problem with a post or a poster, REPORT THEM but please don't get into sarcastic comments and pettiness. Be constructive in your comments. If you think someone is way off the mark, you can say so in an intelligent, positive way without belittling or being sarcastic. Offer what you feel are better alternatives without tearing others down.

 

Many thanks!

[Tony]

I guess one of the problems I've had here is that the people who yell the loudest on the OW forum about getting slammed are often the ones who do the most slamming on the infidelity forum when a BS talks about recovery.

 

If a person is willing to slam, then conversely, they need to be able to accept the reciprocle slamming (both sides).

 

Whew, we do have some dented up walls here on LS, don't we?? All that slamming against 'em.

 

There will be no more slamming on these forums. If you aren't grown up enough to handle the topic and deal with it on a mature, open minded level then please DO NOT PARTICIPATE. Report offensive posts and the people who repeatedly inflame others will be banned. Moderating gets tiring in these matters.

[foreverchanged]

Ha-hem...

 

Where is the positive thinking when the tables are turned and the MM really does love his wife and not the OW?

 

There would be no OW if the MM would really love his wife..

 

I disagree, a MM can truely love his wife, and cheat, there are many reasons for cheating. Lack of lthe feeling of love for the spouse is just one of them. And what is the definition of love? I think it's better to say, the cheater may love his spouse, but is in lust with the mistress. Once the wife brings the lust back into the marriage, the mistress is out.

[bonehead]

Lets face it people, this is a very emotional subject.

 

You have pretty much two sides of a triangle represented here. ( not many MPs posting )

 

Its really hard for the sides to see the other point of view, and lets face it, most of them dont WANT to. Because to see the other pont of view puts their own relationship at risk.

 

For a BS to be supportive of an OP whos relationship with a MP is working well and progressing to the point of the MP leaving their marriage opens up old wounds. Each and every one of the BS that post in here can try and tell me otherwise, but I know better.

 

The OP doesnt want to see the BS point of view because then it puts the BS right there. The OP doesnt want to know the emotional turmoil that the BS is going through.

 

Im not saying either side is right or wrong, Im not the one to make that judgement, but on the same note no one on this board can.

 

No one on here can ever explain this matter, any facet of love for that matter can not be explained. Lets face it, love is our most illogical emotion.

[lovernotafighter]

Hi All

 

I don't want anyone to think that I am judging them or being critical or anything. I am not. I am just wanting to state something that most of us formerly betrayed have witnessed in many threads, but when it is brought up, the OPs vehemently deny.

 

I am not trying to call any particular poster or posters out, but some somewhat recent posts (recent as in the last 12 months) underscore my confusion.

 

Almost all OPs post about how happy they are every now and then. More post about things that confuse or concern them. But the posters I have in mind refused any and all conversation on their As.

 

They posted about breaking up with the APs for a period and how freeing it felt. They posted about being back in the A and not wanting any judgment for it. They posted about having better Rs with the AP than the BS did.

 

And then dissatisfaction set in and they posted about ending it, how much love was there, but that the A was not enough and it did indeed have many things against it (that were defended vehemently too).

 

I am not judging any of the posters for what they did or didn't post. I am just always confused when the very things that others said were probably happening were denied, but when the A is over or they decide to end it, the very things that were denied are the things being admitted to.

 

I am guessing fear of criticism and judgment plays a part in it. There are quite a few people who are willing to flame others for their feelings. But then, there are people like me, that are really wanting to understand more than just the good times.

 

I am really not trying to get into specifics, if you can't tell. I just want to know why can't we discuss real feelings of disappointment without it turning into the thread of the century full of the required insults and polarized stances.

 

I know it happens on the other forums as well. But in this forum it catches my attention more. Anyone wanna talk about it? If you don't, I understand. (I have more to say but not turning the opening post into a book).

 

I came out of retirement for your post NID. I first of all commend the way you asked this question, it wasn't judgemental at all and very could have been and I appreciate the tact you put in to your writing this post.

 

I will tell you from my point of view being a OW who has done exactly what your saying. the whole back and forth and this and that.

 

for me as far as posting my said drama there probably is a certain fear of having hell reigned down on me sure. the most part however it's expected and can be ignored BUT I can't ignore what my guts and my conscious has been telling me through out the ordeal and that's the problem.

 

deep down I want my relationship to be 'different' I also never wanted to find myself in love with a MM but I did. there a big part of me that doesn't want to admit to myself more than than sharing it here that this isn't the way it is, that it's more than what scratched on the surface in many comments and convo's discussed here.

 

I will admit I don't want to hear I'm a bad person for doing what I've done and I'd say most people do not. until my relationship with my MM I was a pillar of goodness for my part and my opinion, I didn't have horrible self esteem or any of that but when I step back and look from the outside in like everyone else can (which I generally can not) I see it for what it is and it is against everything I am or who I was. denial, that's the nail on the head NID theres no other explanation for myself.

Edited February 11, 2008 by lovernotafighter
didn't read the whole thread..if I missed something important, I'm very sorry