lostinlife00 Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 this is so shameful, and embarassing. i can't believe i'm admitting this. when i was around 10-12 my younger brother and i had a few incidents of incest between us. no one knows, it's been a secret. for the most part, i've ignored that it ever happened (i think he did too) he comitted suicide, and the other night i began to feel immense guilt over this past behavior. i wondered if those incidents contributed to it. i began to consider doing it myself; and also decided i should probably get therapy. has anyone else ever faced a situation like this? HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
basicinstinct Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 You are clearly dealing with so much. I really feel for you. Therapy definitely would be a good idea. When I was a youngster of about 8 i was caught trying to perform oral sex on my 5 year old male cousin. I was doing it because I'd been forced to do it on a grown man and I thought it was what males wanted. My cousin and I are now grown and a few years ago he was hospitalized with psychosis. he's been in and out of mental institutions ever since. I do wonder if it's my fault. The truth is i'm sure your brother committing suicide was not YOUR fault. Hugs Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 I am sorry for the loss of your brother. XO I would get therapy for this definitely because it sounds like it's troubling you. While you are waiting to see someone please try to remember you were just a kid. Kids do things all the time that they wouldn't do ordinarily simply because they are kids. Try not to be so hard on yourself for you indiscretions. It's not wrong if you don't know it's wrong. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 I'm sorry for your loss...My heart goes out to you.. Therapy is a good idea, that can help you get closure and also make you not blame yourself. I have a feeling that is what you're doing...Forgive yourself for the past. You two were kids. Did your brother suffer from depression throughout his life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostinlife00 Posted February 11, 2008 Author Share Posted February 11, 2008 wow, thank you. i thought i was going to get slammed on here, and you have all been so nice. i'll check into therapy, i think. Did your brother suffer from depression throughout his life? i don't know. he was highly intellegent, but had trouble in school. parents took him to counseling, but i don't really know what happened in counseling. he stopped going b/c he wasn't participating in session. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 wow, thank you. i thought i was going to get slammed on here, and you have all been so nice. i'll check into therapy, i think. Be selective when trying to find a therapist, especially for issues like yours. I went through several mental health professionals before I found the right "fit". Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 Not personally. But I know of a close relative and a few teens I use to work with who share the same experiences. You’re not alone, and it happens with more frequency between siblings than you might imagine. It’s just such an uncomfortable subject that it isn’t addressed or discussed as openly as others. So please, don’t feel so embarrassed or ashamed that you refrain from seeking the kind of professional support you need to come to terms with it. Your not alone, nor are your experiences all that unique. And anyone who’s been in the profession long enough will hardly be startled by what you have to share. They’ve heard it before. Be selective when trying to find a therapist, especially for issues like yours. I went through several mental health professionals before I found the right "fit". I agree. Take the time to find someone who has a few years under their belt and has some experience with your particular situation. No newbies! Link to post Share on other sites
Jade 02 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 I am so sorry Lost I also think counceling would be a great idea. No I DO NOT think or belive it is your fault AT ALL. Was your lil bro in drugs or alcohol any? I know they can make a person real depressed. Do you have mom or dad to talk to? Someone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostinlife00 Posted February 12, 2008 Author Share Posted February 12, 2008 i can't tell you all how much your sympathy means to me... i am so greatful to you all. jade-- he did use drugs, and i do have my parents to talk to, but i can't imagine bringing this up with them. i fear they would blame me..... Link to post Share on other sites
StartingOver07 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 this is so shameful, and embarassing. i can't believe i'm admitting this. when i was around 10-12 my younger brother and i had a few incidents of incest between us. no one knows, it's been a secret. for the most part, i've ignored that it ever happened (i think he did too) he comitted suicide, and the other night i began to feel immense guilt over this past behavior. i wondered if those incidents contributed to it. i began to consider doing it myself; and also decided i should probably get therapy. has anyone else ever faced a situation like this? HELP! I think you are feeling guilt over your brother's suicide, which is normal. And therapy to help you get past this is a good idea. I doubt that the incest is what caused your brother to commit suicide. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 I doubt that the incest is what caused your brother to commit suicide. I agree. One of my stepsisters confessed that the same thing happened with her and my stepbrother when they were kids. They're in their 50's now. I guess it's not as uncommon as people think, as someone on here stated. Let the past go. Wouldn't your brother want you to be happy? Would he want you to blame yourself for what he did? Link to post Share on other sites
hairycaterpillar Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 I'm really sorry you lost your brother. Please don't blame yourself. I also think you should speak to a good therapist to help you deal with your loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 ...i do have my parents to talk to, but i can't imagine bringing this up with them. i fear they would blame me..... I also want to express my sympathy on your loss. It is a good idea to not speak with your parents until you have the inner resources to deal with any/all of their possible reactions. Not that they definitely will blame you, but it might happen if they need a "scapegoat". I think that parents harbour immense guilt and regrets when a child commits suicide. You were 10 to 12 years old at that time, and both of similar emotional/intellectual capacity. As others have mentioned, early sexual exploration around that age is quite common, whether with siblings or friends. The thing is that suicide is not about just one incident/circumstance. You are not responsible for your brother's decision to end his life. Sometimes it helps if you can take a sort of "Bigger Picture" view, and see your brother's life and death as being about his own Life Journey and Soul Purpose. In this (as for the rest of us), other people and events play a smaller part than they might imagine. God bless. I pray that the Universe will deliver the *perfect* therapist to facilitate your healing and grieving. Ronni Link to post Share on other sites
iSmiley Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Dear Lost, It must be awful for you to get through this and i may not know how hard it is for you as i am not in your shoe but you are such a strong girl =] What has happened is not ur fault. Its normal for you to blame yourself because it is jus normal for close siblings to do so. You are a beautiful person and what you guys did is past plus its nothing to be ashamed of as you are young and there is nothing wrong with doing wrong thing when u r small ^^. Dun b too hard on youself dear..and i am so sorry for your lost. Hope you feel much better and yea..i do agreed with everyone up here..find a right and professional therapist. I been to some before and man..they do talked crap =P hehe.. *big bear hugs to you* Link to post Share on other sites
maritallyconfused Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Now here is an alternative view... While incest is wrong and gross, etc.. It is normal for kids to engage in that type of behavior in an experimental way. Especially if both parties willingly engaged in it.. I am not justifying it or saying it is ok but it is not the end of the world. It is not your fault, you should not be ashamed. Even if he forced himself on you. Just move ahead. If you feel you truly need professional help, then by all means do what you need to get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostinlife00 Posted February 22, 2008 Author Share Posted February 22, 2008 i am just overwhelmed by all of the support here! thank you so much Link to post Share on other sites
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