If he sends this other girl a Valentine's day comment on Myspace, is this cheating?

[pauwie]

My bf and I broke up a month ago. After two weeks we started talking again and he has been expressing interest that he wants to get back together. I too want that and we were thus working on that.

 

There is this girl on his Myspace page that makes me wonder a lot. She sends my ex comments all the time. She already sent my ex a Valentine's day comment. From what I believe, Valentine's day comments are for lovers only or if you are interested in somebody. My ex sent her a comment back. This Valentine's day comment he sent has a heart and a rose on it.

 

How should I feel about this? I got mad at him. Can one really send a Valentine's day comment to the opposite sex (not your wife/gf) without malice? He said she is just a friend and nothing more, and the Valentine's day comment he sent her is very different from the one he sent me since it was the only one from his heart. Is this cheating since we're currently working on our relationship? Is it better to just walk away because I will always think about this and this actually made me act cold towards him.

Edited February 10, 2008 by pauwie

[norajane]

You aren't in a relationship with him, therefore it's not cheating.

 

If he's sending other girls Valentine's messages, you should not be considering getting back together with him. If he was so all-fired up to have you and if he wanted YOU, he wouldn't be flirting with other girls.

[underpants]

Myspace is so screwed up.

 

It is like a public telephone.

 

If you two are wanting reconciliation then yes, it is a flag of uncertainty.

[pauwie]

I also told him the same thing, that he was being flirty with that girl. He said he wasn't. That girl also likes sending comments to other guys on her Myspace page and it makes me mad that she is doing that with my ex too, and that my ex sent her a comment back.

 

So I told him I am not that anymore keen on getting back with him and if he wants to, he can go to that other girl instead. But deep inside, this is tearing me apart. I love this guy so much but I need to show him I didn't like what he did and that it might have consequences. He said my treatment towards him made him sad since I am the only one he wants and nobody else. He also said he didn't think that Valentine's day comment he sent her would be seen as other than what it is, a comment to just a friend. He stressed NOT THE SAME as the one he sent me because I am his loved one.

 

Is there really a difference?

[pauwie]

Underpants, yes Myspace is one of the biggest reason for our downfall.

 

But why did you say Myspace is like a public telephone?

[norajane]

Soo....

 

what if you take him back and he continues to send 'friendly' messages to this girl? what if she continues to send him 'friendly' messages? and he'll keep trying to tell you it means nothing and she's just a friend? and he won't take your feelings into consideration and stop messaging with her?

 

what then?

 

do you think you can handle that?

 

If he's trying to get you back, shouldn't he be working a little harder at it? Shouldn't he be at least considering how you might feel about the messaging and the other girl, since, you know, you're 'the only one he wants and no one else'? Shouldn't he be concerned about what impression you're getting of him and how he plans to treat you?

Edited February 10, 2008 by norajane

[Potatocakes]

I don't think it is a red flag. If you guys are still talking he obviously still cares for you even if he is considering other girls. If you truely want to be with him just try to stay on his good side, if you guys get back together he will not be so 'friendly' with other girls. It was just a myspace comment after all.

[tequilaSunset]

Underpants, yes Myspace is one of the biggest reason for our downfall.

 

But why did you say Myspace is like a public telephone?

 

you can basically have an entire convo for the world to see. sometimes i think people purposely do this to put on a show for the public.

 

as for the problem, i wouldn't consider this 'cheating', no. would i be irritated? sure. when i broke up with my ex, he wanted to get back together with me, yet i would see he was adding new women to his myspace. if he wanted me back so badly, he was pretty busy surfing the net for chicks! i understand how you feel -- but as hard as it may be, try not to let this upset cloud your judgment. how do you think he feels about you, REALLY? do you believe him when he says he really wants to work things out?

 

also, what did the myspace comment say? was it really flirty or just a generic sort of thing? perhaps he really didn't mean anything or was just responding back as a courtesy.

[LakesideDream]

You can send a Valentines greeting to anyone. In addition to my "love interest" I gave my mother (she 87) an arraingement, and FTD'd flowers to a Real Estate agent who just helped me complete a deal earlier this week.

 

In the past, I have occasionally done the same for more casual friends. Gifting can be lots of fun. I can afford it, why not?

[EYECANDY000]

Do you think that they are messing around with each other whrn you two broke up? If not , I dont think you should put any stress on it, it was just a card. Maybe he was just being cordial and sent her a card. I got plenty of cards from the opposite sex with flowers, teddy bears etc and I didnt think to much of it.

 

Ask him if he has any type of feelings for this girl? Also, did you look through his sent folder and see if he sent any other Valentines day comments to any one else? Im sure it may just be platonic. Dont go back into the relationship with doubts. That will only stir up more problems , on top of the reasons why you two broke up in the first place.