he stopped calling, dammit

[iqqi]

I recently began dating a guy I knew when I was 14. Back then he had just moved here from another country and didn’t speak English. I broke up with him due to that “communication” barrier, and moved to another high school shortly after. I never saw him again until two months ago. I had always wanted to get in touch with him again, so I was very happy when he crossed my path. We are both 23 now, and he just got divorced 4 months before that, he had been with that woman for 5 years altogether. Well at first he was really distant, understandably. We’d hang out and talk for hours, and then he’d disappear for weeks. Finally last month, we began hanging out more predictably. At one point he told me he remembered my exact words when I broke up with him eight years ago, even though he didn’t speak English then, and he has a horrible memory. We slept together a few times without sex, (although it was obvious he wanted it, I’m no dummy!). I told him I wasn’t ready to go there yet with him, and he was always a gentleman. We shared a lot with each other, I mean I know so many details about his life you’d think we never lost each other those eight years! Finally it happened, we had sex. And it was so lovely it could make you cry, he being the most loving man in the world. We spent two nights together, it was DEEP. Very personal details shared and everything. And he never called again.

Ok, he called once a few days later, but he never answered his phone, never returned my calls (there weren’t TOO many thankfully). Almost three weeks later, he calls, saying he lost his phone (!?) and I told him I’d call him back. Of course…he never answered, and three days later he has not called back. And he is spending a lot of time suddenly at his friend’s house who lives on my street. Is this so I’ll be reminded of him every time I leave my house?

I need some help sorting this out. I’m very hurt by this of course, as I have always held him in high regards, and the fact that we shared so much. Is this a simple case of him getting the goods, is this a divorce issue, is it because I broke up with him back in the day, WHAT?

[Baldy]

Before I give you my opinion... or at least what I think could be wrong, can you answer a couple of questions?

 

1. Why did he get divorced?

2. Did he initialize the divorce. Was it his idea and is he happy about it? Well, as happy as you can be in that situation!

3. What country is he from?

 

Cheers

[iqqi]

1. "she fell out of love, think she was cheating..."

2. it was his idea, but she wanted it, not him

3. he's latino

[Baldy]

Not really what I wanted to hear for your sake. But had a feeling that would be your reply!

 

I personally think that all the signs point to the fact that he is on the rebound. He loved his wife but SHE fell out of love with him and it was his idea but SHE wanted it, not him. It sounds like everything was her decision, not his.

 

It sounds as if he may have needed someone, someone he could feel close too and feel loved by.... and an ex-love is the ideal solution. I'm not saying this was all part of a master plan on his part. In fact, I believe he may have thought he was ready for a new women in his life and he meant everything he said.

 

I have been in a similar situation myself sometime ago. I was with someone for many years and we split. It was all her idea, she thought we had become just friends rather than lovers etc. I was devastated by this. However a good few months later I met someone new. I believed I liked them and that we could give it a go (slowly though). But it was once we had slept together and shared an intimacy that I had previously only shared with my ex, that all my feelings for the ex came out again. Mainly the feeling of guilt.. why I don't know as we had split up and their was no way we would get together again. I fortunately finished the new relationship honourably and told her it wasn't going to work. I even used the old 'it's not you it's me' speech.

 

I suggest you speak to him and find out what it is that's wrong. It may not be what you want to hear but you deserve to know. My worry is that you may always think about this guy and what could have been. Plus not knowing why he did what he did may affect your next relationship.

 

Hope this helps and good luck - Hope you get to know!

[iqqi]

thanks, baldy. I'm actually really cool with it now, and I figured all that out, too. It's great to get some reassurance, though! I decided to stop being selfish, and then I realized this man is in alot more pain than I am! And I'm kind of glad we DIDN'T resolve it because when his heart heals (in a year or so, most likely!) what we had was barely even started, so it wouldn't feel like a rerun if our paths crossed again. I've decided not to call, just to sit back and let life take it's course with this one. TO BE CONTINUED ?