Met an awesome girl, things are going well, so why am I being so needy?!!

[Ebeleptik38]

Hi how are you doing, I'm glad that whoever is reading this kind enough to help me out and hopefully relate or help me with my neurotic-ness. Sorry if there is a lot, but I feel like I should give you the entire scoop so you can kinda get an idea of the whole situation. So here it goes....

 

I met this really awesome girl around the end of December, and things have been going really good. I live in San Jose, CA and she lives in San Francisco, CA....so a good 45 minutes away. Its long distance nonetheless, and I make every valiant attempt to go see her when its possible. She is a nurse and works graveyard 7pm to 7am, and in groups of 3 days....basically shes a busy girl. With me having weekends of and working a normal 9-5/ M-F job, my weekends are the days to see her if its possible with her schedule.

 

We have now been dating almost 2 months and things have been going well....very well. It seems like we have talked A LOT about many subjects, including sex, and ex's, and past relationships...and now I'm thinking it was such a good idea. It wasn't my idea, nor was it hers, we just get into a conversation and everything starts coming out. She is a very independent woman and totally lives her own life, parties with her girlfriends, and generally likes to have fun when shes not working. During the first month things we're so good, sweet text messages, talking on the phone for hours as if I we're still in high school. We made plans in advance weeks down the line....interest levels were high.

 

I must say that this girl is pretty much everything I'm looking for in a girl right now, and is probably the most physically attractive girl I have ever dated. She is my ideal girl right now.

 

Here's a little about me...I have been single for almost 4 yrs now, I have dated here and there but have never really found anyone worth while. I had been on a serious drought on sex until I met this girl...sad to say it had almost been like 3 yrs since my last sexual encounter. Believe me I was a nervous wreck when we we're gonna git down! LOL I usually know what i want from a girl and it doesn't take me long to want to know where its going. This may just be my ultimate problem, I am so anxious to want to be gf/ bf after a bit of dating. I know I am a little too anxious when it comes to this point. I am so smooth in the beginning with chicks, I'm confident, and just know what to do. Well now I like her...a lot. I have already told her I really like her, she feels the same but just doesn't reciprocate like I do. Before we had sex, we would have the craziest conversations, phone sex and what not. Sex was good nonetheless after a few attempts...I was nervous the first time....but for the most part I did my job

 

Well its been about 3 weeks since I have been my own worst enemy, its like I'm tripping out on the slightest change in the small things....texts, phone calls and the priority of calling back. I am totally not living my own life, and am making myself more than available. Meanwhile she's going out with girlfriends, and taking vacations....and is currently on a cruise to Mexico. She comes back on Valentines Day and will be coming to see me for the first time ever at my place for once. I have awesome plans for V-day with her and even before she left for the cruise told me that she is excited to visit me and see me on V-day.

 

So why am I so worried??? I am constantly worrying if I am coming off too clingy, and get worried why we're not having 1-2 hour phone conversations anymore....I feel like I'm just a little less of a priority to her right now. Then my rational side kicks in and I think about how busy she was with work the last following weeks before she left on this cruise. So why do I still choose to eat myself up and think so negative? I know my faults right now, and I try my best to remain confident and not worry. She is still very good with being affectionate whether it be through via email, and texts. Its just not like how it was before during our first month of dating. I worry if she losing interest, am I coming off to clingy? I know I have to chill out because I really don't want to ruin this for myself. i want to go back to being the confident person I was when I first met her, but now I am putty in her hands. I feel as if the ball is in her court. i have re-read my emails to her and I cant believe how I sound in them....I'm constantly stating how much I like her and how much I like being around her. I know I am completely wrapped up in this girl. Meanwhile she still says she likes me, but is just taking things slow. I have talked to friends and they say I should just start making myself less available....but all I want to do is be with her on my weekends!!! Meanwhile she is just so much more moose than I am...she goes out a lot but is still very good with communicating with me...tells me she misses me and tells me goodnight. I recently have been stressing because I have not seen her in two weeks due to our schedules and her plans with her friends, and now shes on this cruise....its just making me weary.

 

Anyway, I know if I don't calm down after our Valentines Day extravaganza, I could ultimately ruin it for myself. Hopefully just being able to see her on V-Day will calm my nerves and I can see her face to face and then gauge how she still feels about everything. Please if you have any kind of advice...maybe a good kick in the balls....something to make me feel better and thinking so negative about my situation thats really not even that bad!!!

 

Well I'm sure I've typed more than enough, your probably thinking that its all a little too excessive, but I really do appreciate whoever is reading this to have taken the time to hear me out. Thanks you. Hope to be hearing from you guys.

 

Sincerely....MyOwnEnemy.