What was this?

[Mahatma]

Today was my little brothers birthday, so I took him and some friends to a place where they can play lazer tag and stuff. While I was there I couldn't help but notice a very pretty female worker there.

I'm 18, but I think I look young for my age... and this girl looked like she was closer to maybe 19 or so, but looked like she could even be older than that. After seeing her at first, I kinda just got busy with other things and forgot about her.

Then, after my brother had opened his presents, I went to throw the trash away and when I looked up she was there throwing something away too. I looked up at her and she looked back at me and our eyes locked for a few seconds until I came back to reality and just smiled and went back to the table. The rest of the time we were there (something like 5 hours) ... it seemed like everytime I looked up, she was lookin at me. Part of me wants to think she had some interest, but the other part wonders why she would, so I never went up to her to talk in fear of looking like a jackass hitting on some 20 year old or something haha, plus I was supposed to be watching the boys the whole time to make sure they didn't kill eachother.

So whats the deal? I can always use my brother as an excuse to go back there, he wont mind haha. If I go back should I just talk to her? What do I even say? Help!

[directx]

I tell ya, I was never good at meeting women cold like that.

However, what you might want to do is say 'Hey, sorry if I was looking at you so much, but do we know each other?'

 

When she says no, then strike up a conversation? Maybe respond with 'Well, do you want to?'

 

If the conversation goes good, you should be on pretty good ground. In fact, if it does go good, cut it short WHILE its good. Before it dies into uncomfortableness.

Say something like, "I gotta go, but would you like to continue this converastion later? I haven't had a good talk with someone in awhile." and then get her number. Just a thought.

 

I'm not smooth, so this may be all wrong.

[Mahatma]

So you think I should definitely make an attempt? Even though I'm pretty sure shes older than me, and I don't know by how much. Would make it easy to find out how old she is and just ask if she goes to my highschool or something. Thanks for the help.

[Trimmer]

Dude - an opportunity was staring you in the face, but you were waiting for it to come around behind you and jump on your back and say "let's go!" You can not let opportunities like this get past you.

 

Here's a suggestion: if you see an opportunity like this, don't "hit on the girl." Instead, go meet the person.

 

If you are in the mindset of "hitting on her" or "trying to pick her up", then you have defined a daunting task, and put great pressure on yourself, along with the idea that if you "fail" you will look or feel stupid. Don't put that pressure on yourself.

 

Go talk to her as a person, open up a conversation with something that gives her a way to open up. It could be something like: "Man, it's pretty wild being here for just a few hours, does it get really crazy working here all day?" You are opening the conversation, and asking her about herself, which communicates, in a pretty safe manner, that you noticed her and are interested in her. If she is interested (and it sure sounds like she was from the way she was checking you out,) she will open up at least a little bit, which should reinforce your confidence at least a little bit, which will help you relax at least a little bit, which will help you take it forward little by little from there.

 

So you shouldn't feel like you have to "hit on" her or swing the bat for a home run right away. I'm not just saying "act this way", I'm actually suggesting that you truly reorient your thinking towards meeting her as a person first (as opposed to a potential female conquest), and instead of feeling like a success or failure (or embarrassment) at some giant cliff-climbing task of picking her up, just think of it as a small, reasonable first step on a staircase of potential. If it doesn't work, then just take an easy and not-very-embarrassing step back, and you won't feel like it's a tumble down.

 

I know this may not be so obvious to someone your age, but does this make any sense to you?

[directx]

So you think I should definitely make an attempt? Even though I'm pretty sure shes older than me, and I don't know by how much. Would make it easy to find out how old she is and just ask if she goes to my highschool or something. Thanks for the help.

 

Sure! What have you got to lose? Be yourself, but also listen to Trimmer a bit.

 

You'll miss all the opportunities you don't take a swing at!

[Mahatma]

I understand what you are saying Trimmer. I wasn't planning on going up to her and saying "nice bod!" I am mostly just nervous because she's very pretty and I didn't want to look like some little highschool kid hittin on her if shes as old as I think she could be, ya know? If I just saw her on the street, I'd still think she was pretty, but wouldn't think of her as a girl I'd ever have a relationship with because she just looks older... only her apparent interest makes me think differently. But I'll just open it with something like you said and just see where it goes. If anything I can just go back and sit down . Mostly my question was if she could really be interested. The girl looks like a model or something to be honest. Thanks for the responses.

 

Little brother will be re-visiting the lazer tag place soon...

Edited February 10, 2008 by Mahatma

[Trimmer]

I understand what you are saying Trimmer. I wasn't planning on going up to her and saying "nice bod!" I am mostly just nervous because she's very pretty and I didn't want to look like some little highschool kid hittin on her if shes as old as I think she could be, ya know? But I'll just open it with something like you said and just see where it goes. If anything I can just go back and sit down . Mostly my question was if she could really be interested. The girl looks like a model or something to be honest. Thanks for the responses.

I hear you, and while I wish I could have had the confidence I feel now when I was your age (and I wish I could bestow some of it upon you...) I do remember what it was like, and I feel for you.

 

But remember: forget what she looks like (well, not completely of course, that's no fun... ) the fact is that she was looking at you, making eye contact... Don't think of this a some inexplicable fluke, don't question your confidence and assume you are not deserving of her interest... Take it as a small compliment, and for now, settle on the most likely interpretation: she was showing interest in you, and offered, with her eyes, an indication of her interest and an opening.

 

Go with confidence, but not arrogance. You are not God's gift to women (arrogance), but you know who you are, you are comfortable with that (confidence) and you want to show that to her and see if you continue to draw her interest.

 

Try not to be wowed by her looks - while that may be nice, (1) don't set her up as a goddess, because that will dampen your confidence and convince you that you are in a "lesser" role, and (2) remember that the goal here is to get to know her as a person, so don't allow her looks to interfere with that.

 

Also, consider that she may suffer a similar feeling of shaky confidence. She may be just as uncertain as you are, so think about being relaxed and confident as a way of helping her to relax too. This will humanize her in your mind, which will help you to think of her first as a person, and also help you keep things on even footing.

 

Little brother will be re-visiting the lazer tag place soon...

That would be a great, organic opportunity to try again.

 

Little brother will be mystified as to why Mahatma has suddenly become such a great big bro...

Edited February 10, 2008 by Trimmer