mylovegrowsdeeper Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 So, my bf and I both visit this particular website and we both joke around and frequent the message boards there together. For some reason tonight I noticed him commenting on another girl's pictures saying "cute" and I felt offended. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he sees a lot of girls on that site and all elsewhere that he finds attractive- that doesn't bother me at all- that's human nature the man has eyeballs! What bothered me though was that he made the effort to comment, I felt disrespected I just did. You don't see me going out of my way to comment on the guys' pictures from that website...I would feel like I was disrespecting my bf to do that to another man for one...but especially a man on a website he is likely to see. I don't know...I don't feel like "oh god maybe he's cheating" and I don't feel like "oh god he's going to leave her for me!" but what I do feel is very hurt and disrespected. I don't know...am I being irrational....? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
traveller991 Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 I had a boyfriend once who did stuff like that. Once when we were watching a movie on TV - Bird on a Wire with Goldie Hawn - he sat bolt upright and got this creepy smarmy look on his face and he had an erection! Of course I did nothing as usual. Another time we were on our way to a weekend getaway and stopped in a little store where he proceeded to look at a skin magazine in front of me, and said "If I had a woman like that I wouldn't know what to do with her." That same weekend there were a couple of women there and one of them looked over at him and he said "She wants me". HE WAs always looking at women and it made me feel terrible and I still to this day am letting men get away with it! (Check out my post if you want an update on what I haven't learned in 18 years). Many times I felt humiliated etc. but when I tried to tell him how I felt he told me i WAS IMMATURE AND HAD TRUST ISSUES. Seems to be something men say in this situation. For some reason I kept dating him for three years until finally I went to Hawaii for a week and while I was gone he figured out my password and cleaned out my bank account of $2,000. When I got back he came over with steaks and flowers and told me he had gotten a promotion but it was actually my money he was spending! Finally I went to the bank a week later and discovered I had no money and that was the end for me. I'm not saying your guy would ever do that, but what I am still learning is when I feel humiliated and disrespected it's for a reason. Another point to make to you is that 18 years later whenever I think of this creep I feel humiliated and I can still remember all those seemingly insignificant incidents that pained me. I am also mad at myself now for dating him for three years to the point where I lost my money when I should have dumped the jerk the first time he humiliated me. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 I think you're totally justified, I would react the same (I'm a man). Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 What bothered me though was that he made the effort to comment, I felt disrespected I just did.... but what I do feel is very hurt and disrespected. I don't know...am I being irrational... I don't know. Is he being rational? I can think of four reasons for him commenting on other women. 1. He's trying to provoke a jealous reaction from you 2. He's testing out your boundaries 3. He's opening his mouth and just letting unedited thoughts spill out, without considering the effect 4. He's sounding you out for the possibility of a threesome at some point in the future. I suggest you browse through pictures of men in front of him and comment on whether you find them cute, nicely muscled etc. If he's genuinely okay with that then that would suggest that there's no mean-minded intention behind him blethering on to you about other women being cute. He might even be open to the possibility of a threesome involving another man rather than a woman. If he fakes an "I'm okay with that" response, then that'll suggest that he's employing a bit of gamesmanship with you. If he explodes with anger, makes furious "how the f*ck would I know? I'm not gay..." etc comments then you can roll the gay porn magazine up, whack him across the head with it and yell "in that case don't describe other woman as being cute in front of me again, you f*cking piece of sh*t." Then run like a demon and lock yourself in the bathroom until he calms down and is ready to compromise and negotiate. Link to post Share on other sites
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