All at once

[annieo]

Hi WF,

:):)

Drink your water, hug your kids and keep on keeping on. That's my new mantra.

[whichwayisup]

WF your body is talking to you. It's putting YOU back on the agenda and forcing you to put some of your attention and focus there. H, kids, MM, studies, work... can all use less. Right now YOU need more of you. Take care of you! And spend time only with others who're wanting to prioritise you, too. More energy in, less energy out, until your balance is righted.

((hugs)), as always

 

That is true. Your body is telling you to slow down, de-stress and take care of yourself...

 

The part you bolded is SO true.

[Lyssa]

Please look after yourself, WF!

 

Thinking of and praying for you...

 

[[[HUGS]]]

[White Flower]

Thanks so much everyone.

 

Yesterday I had a cough with a fever and I actually felt the cyst throbbing inside me. But since the fever has gone I no longer feel it. I'm just feeling positive and looking forward to tomorrow.

 

Oh! Not just because it's Valentine's Day;)

 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I hope everyone including single people have a wonderful one:)

 

And I really will put less out and take more in, thanks OW and everyone.

[whichwayisup]

When I had my cyst, I would get fevers and feel really crappy. Just rest, drink lots of water, eat oranges too, that helps boost your blood level as well as getting Vitamin C.

[Lyssa]

Thanks so much everyone.

 

Yesterday I had a cough with a fever and I actually felt the cyst throbbing inside me. But since the fever has gone I no longer feel it. I'm just feeling positive and looking forward to tomorrow.

 

Oh! Not just because it's Valentine's Day;)

 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I hope everyone including single people have a wonderful one:)

 

And I really will put less out and take more in, thanks OW and everyone.

 

That's good to know, WF!

 

Happy Valentine's Day to you too. Hope you will have a great one with your kids!

[White Flower]

Thanks, Lyssa.

 

I had a wonderful morning with MM. More than anything else, it was the connection we share. I wish I could bottle it and share it with the world. But then again, I suppose it wouldn't be special if everyone had it. He also said something so wonderful; no matter what happens, he said, he will always be there for me. That is the greatest gift he could have given me.

 

I spoiled my kids with chocolate, roses, and cards. Then I got called into work late:(

 

But being there got my mind off of H who showed up at home. I thought he was going away on a business trip. He took a suitcase with him in the morning but showed up for dinner. Quite strange.

 

I am finding it hard to put less out and take more in. I am doing household chores more slowly and asking the kids for more help but I can't skip medical appointments or lawyer visits and things like that. I have to stay on top of everything. H has opened a new bank account and is hiding assets so he needs to be served quickly.

 

But at least I am keeping myself aware. I'm reminding myself to drink more water and I kick back more often while at home.

[marlena]

WF,

 

Just checking in. It seems that you are taking everyone's advice and trying to de-stress and look after yourself. This is vital. You can't solve your other problems unless you are in a good physical and emotional condition. The rest will follow.

 

Don't worry about the cyst even if it has to be removed. I had mine removed in November, laparoscopically, and the next morning I was out grocery shopping with my daughter. You'll be all right.

 

Take care WF.

 

By the way, white flowers are my favourite!

[OpenBook]

WF, where is the title on your house? I've heard stories about gamblers who've literally bet the house (and lost it) -- but I think they had title in hand at the poker table. If I were you, I would definitely bring this up with your lawyer... all of the ways your H could gamble away the house -- and start plugging up those holes.

[White Flower]

WF, where is the title on your house? I've heard stories about gamblers who've literally bet the house (and lost it) -- but I think they had title in hand at the poker table. If I were you, I would definitely bring this up with your lawyer... all of the ways your H could gamble away the house -- and start plugging up those holes.

 

I suppose I should locate that document, but my husband gambles online with investments. It is not really investing, though, when one changes the order every ten minutes. I think he's lost everything again because he is sleeping in. This means he is not waking up in time to start trading when the stock market opens. I guess I'll have to get that money back from my portion of the house when it sells.

[White Flower]

WF,

 

Just checking in. It seems that you are taking everyone's advice and trying to de-stress and look after yourself. This is vital. You can't solve your other problems unless you are in a good physical and emotional condition. The rest will follow.

 

Don't worry about the cyst even if it has to be removed. I had mine removed in November, laparoscopically, and the next morning I was out grocery shopping with my daughter. You'll be all right.

 

Take care WF.

 

By the way, white flowers are my favourite!

Mine too! I always wanted to plant a moon garden. This is a garden full of white flowers and when the moonlight hits them at night they are most visible than any other color flower.

 

I wish my surgery would be that simple but she wants to do it C-section style. I'm leaning more toward partial hysterectomy. Who wants the monthly curse when they don't have to have it? I'm not for sure but we'll see.

[Owl]

But being there got my mind off of H who showed up at home. I thought he was going away on a business trip. He took a suitcase with him in the morning but showed up for dinner. Quite strange.

 

Hmmm....this is interesting.

 

I'd bet, given the long term emotional detachment combined with this...that your H is/has been engaged in an affair all of his own.

 

It would explain a LOT. Think about it...if he's gotten to where he just doesn't give a care at all about you or how you feel...he's not emotionally investing in you at all...he's probably emotionally invested somewhere else. You've long sinced stopped meeting his needs as well...so he's probably getting them met by someone else.

 

I'd hire a PI...start doing some research...you may have your easy way out of this marriage after all.

[White Flower]

Although my MM and his W are no longer together, she still has expectations that he will "surprise her" and take her out on VDay, shower her with gifts and flowers, and treat her the way she always demanded he treat her when they were together. She sent a message with the kids to make sure he knows!

 

I've never been big on commercial holidays, that crass level of marketing hysteria switches me off entirely.

 

WF - just think, this is your last VDay to be disappointed. Next year you'll be free of all that...

So, OWoman, is there a post Valentine's Day story about MM and his W?

[White Flower]

Hmmm....this is interesting.

 

I'd bet, given the long term emotional detachment combined with this...that your H is/has been engaged in an affair all of his own.

 

It would explain a LOT. Think about it...if he's gotten to where he just doesn't give a care at all about you or how you feel...he's not emotionally investing in you at all...he's probably emotionally invested somewhere else. You've long sinced stopped meeting his needs as well...so he's probably getting them met by someone else.

 

I'd hire a PI...start doing some research...you may have your easy way out of this marriage after all.

 

Hi Owl, thanks for chiming in. I don't know how it got passed me.

 

I have wondered about this, too. H has been doing things to improve his self-image like skin rejuvenation and permanent hair removal. I would be happy for him if he found an outlet at this point. I live in a no-fault state so EMA's don't hurt nor help in a D. In fact, my lawyer says a judge here doesn't even want to hear about it.

 

But I would be happy for him. Everyone needs affection and I wouldn't blame him for seeking it elsewhere at this point.

[OWoman]

So, OWoman, is there a post Valentine's Day story about MM and his W?

 

WF there's a thread here. It's been a rough time for the kids and they've had to be with W which has been hard all round. But MM is upbeat and hopeful and getting his act together, which is good

 

Developments your side?

[White Flower]

Hi guys.

 

I'll know about the date for the skin cancer removal next week and have what I think might be my final ultrasound on the ovary tomorrow. I hope and pray the cyst has shrunk or disappeared. We'll see.

 

Well, H saw my lawyer today and found out that he'll have to give up at least 4 years of paper work on his 'investing', otherwise called an asset search. After hearing this, he decided to talk to me. He hasn't spoken to me in a long time, so this was weird.

 

He offered to just walk away with his car and the clothes on his back. I'm tempted to take it, but do you think he's hiding more money than I think he's hidden? Any thoughts? Or should I take it and run?

 

Thanks a bunch, and to those who've said a prayer and kept their fingers crossed, a million thanks.

WF.

[Lyssa]

WF, you're always in my thoughts and prayers

 

As for your H, who knows - he could probably have hidden more! If not, why would he want to leave with his car and just his clothes? I don't know... he might have planned something for a while?

[White Flower]

I'd like to think he was just being a good guy, but having thought that way for over twenty years, well, it pretty much got me screwed over. I reaaallly want to think kindly of him and move on, but I'll always wonder what else he was hiding. I don't know.

[bentnotbroken]

Hi guys.

 

I'll know about the date for the skin cancer removal next week and have what I think might be my final ultrasound on the ovary tomorrow. I hope and pray the cyst has shrunk or disappeared. We'll see.

 

Well, H saw my lawyer today and found out that he'll have to give up at least 4 years of paper work on his 'investing', otherwise called an asset search. After hearing this, he decided to talk to me. He hasn't spoken to me in a long time, so this was weird.

 

He offered to just walk away with his car and the clothes on his back. I'm tempted to take it, but do you think he's hiding more money than I think he's hidden? Any thoughts? Or should I take it and run?

 

Thanks a bunch, and to those who've said a prayer and kept their fingers crossed, a million thanks.

WF.

 

 

 

God has you in his hands, you will be fine.

[bentnotbroken]

Mine too! I always wanted to plant a moon garden. This is a garden full of white flowers and when the moonlight hits them at night they are most visible than any other color flower.

 

I wish my surgery would be that simple but she wants to do it C-section style. I'm leaning more toward partial hysterectomy. Who wants the monthly curse when they don't have to have it? I'm not for sure but we'll see.

 

 

I had a partial almost 2 years ago. I love it. I feel better than I have in years.

[Owl]

Did you ask him why he was willing to walk away with so much less than he's entitled to?

 

I'd agree that's suspicious...but then I'm not exactly a "trust first" kinda guy.

 

No one does things for "no reason at all". Sometimes they don't admit their reasons even to themselves...but they ALWAYS have reasons.

 

What are his is the real question.

[nadiaj2727]

I am really happy for your WF that you are getting out of your very unhappy marriage. It sounds like both of you have been very unhappy for a long time. I think you two are doing what is best for both of you and I'm glad he's not trying to fight you over assets or make things even more painful. You sound strong and happy. Best wishes for an "amicable" divorce (as much as such a thing can exist LOL) and your upcoming medical procedures.

[White Flower]

Did you ask him why he was willing to walk away with so much less than he's entitled to?

 

I'd agree that's suspicious...but then I'm not exactly a "trust first" kinda guy.

 

No one does things for "no reason at all". Sometimes they don't admit their reasons even to themselves...but they ALWAYS have reasons.

 

What are his is the real question.

Thanks to all for your support and kind words.

 

Owl, I did ask him and all he said was, "Well, I can tell by your asking that you don't want to accept my offer so go ahead, make me dig up the last 4 years of 'investing' records and I'll fight you for everything for making me do all that work." He claims he only bought and sold, but I have seen the records myself and he made all kinds of crazy trades; sometimes changing them after only 10 minutes.

 

I always have to redefine my intention for him until he understands I am not threatening him by asking a simple question. I think that since he thinks in terms of screwing everybody financially then everybody else must think that way. It's quite sad really and I can't wait until it's no longer a problem for me to deal with. I am thinking of counter offering with his deal, plus some sort of cushion until I know I can make it. Otherwise, I'll just sell the house but I just don't want uproot my children and lose everything I put into it.

[OpenBook]

Well, H saw my lawyer today and found out that he'll have to give up at least 4 years of paper work on his 'investing', otherwise called an asset search. After hearing this, he decided to talk to me. He hasn't spoken to me in a long time, so this was weird.

 

He offered to just walk away with his car and the clothes on his back. I'm tempted to take it, but do you think he's hiding more money than I think he's hidden? Any thoughts? Or should I take it and run?

 

Don't take the deal. There's something in that 4 years of paperwork on his investing. It may be an ugly surprise... such as debt which is tied to the house somehow. When he walks away from you, he will walk away from that debt as well -- and you'll be stuck with it.

 

I hope I'm totally wrong.

 

In any case, your interests (not to mention your children's!) would be best served by knowing the results of that asset search. It doesn't mean you're going to go after it legally (if there really are significant assets there)... you just need to make sure there's no flim-flam that you'll get stuck with. I would insist on it. You guys were married too long, and you gave too much to him, to just allow him to skip away scot-free.

 

And I would continue to be very careful about hiding your relationship with MM. If your H finds out, all bets are off.

 

All that practical stuff being said, I'm really happy for you WF! You can finally move forward in your life. I'm crossing my fingers for you that the divorce will remain calm and amicable.

[White Flower]

Thanks you OB,

 

Really great advice. I do live in a community state, so no worries of him knowing or using that info against me. He actually said to me the other day that he knows what's going on and that he just didn't want me to think he was a fool. If he hadn't said it in such a mean way I might have admitted to it and even apologized even though it's (the M) been over for a long time. Although I did tell him that I never considered him a fool (even though that's what he's taken me for all these years) and since it's over there's no use going down that road.

 

I don't know if the attorney informed him of the fact he'll have to give up half of his pension. I wonder if he'll renege on his offer if so? The saga continues...

 

This is really the hard part of it all--having these discussions. He's closed me out and in turn I've ignored him so having to talk to each other is just murder. We're supposed to have this all figured out by Monday.

 

Oh, and to those who've asked in PMs, my skin cancer procedure has been approved by my insurance so that'll be done late March. I'll know about the abdominal stuff next week.

 

I saw MM yesterday and he keeps saying we'll get through this. How did I get so lucky? I could have met a guy who would just disappear through all of this and here he still is in my life. Some would call it ironic, but I feel so blessed. Even though I have pennies in my bank account (now that H decided to pull out of our joint account) and my car is running on fumes, after yesterday I feel on top of the world.

Edited March 1, 2008 by White Flower
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