wants to get married so soon!!

[jaqlyn]

I met this guy a month ago and since then we have been having a whirlwind romance! I mean we have been spending everyday together..it's been very passionate and exciting. it's almost like we are soulmates or something. i feel very strongly for him even though we don't know each other all that well. well last night he suggested that we drive to las vegas (about an hour away) and get married! i mean, i didn't know what to say, so i said "ok, but i don't know about getting married in vegas, i want a real wedding"

 

i mean this guy is great and we connect like magic, but we hardly know each other. i always pictured a long engagment and a beautiful wedding, but i really can't afford a wedding right now, and the clock is ticking becuase i want a family (i am 28) and this guy is amazing...i don't know what to do...any suggestions?

[Just A Girl2]

Take it from someone who's been in previous whirlwind relationships before, that this exciting, passionate "honeymoon phase" of your relationship is NOT a time to be entertaining thoughts of marriage and lifetime commitment. Not at all.

 

When I read the first few sentences of your post, it was a major deja-vu for me..because it read like something I'd have written 5 yrs ago.

 

You can simply NEVER EVER know someone well enough in the first couple of months of knowing them. You're both caught up with the newness and excitement and both are still on their best behavior and there's so much passion and all those good warm fuzzy things........but please believe me (I'm nearly 36) when I share with you (from learning the hard way):

 

a) you usually don't even START to see someone's true personality/true colors until a good 3 months into the relationship. Prior to that, of course everything is perfect and you're convinced that you're "soulmates" but how things seem and how you feel are not really accurate at all. You can't even really know the depth of true love with this person until you've spent more time with them.......getting to know not just the "great" things about them, but their true colors.....and trust me, there are usually a SH*TLOAD of things about "someone great" that you don't realize in the very beginning.......

 

b) be very leary of a guy who would even consider marriage after 1 month of knowing each other. Would seem to me to be someone who doesn't really understand the seriousness of marriage (and getting hitched in Vegas?). Just as you don't truly know enough about him at this stage, he doesn't know enough about YOU......yet he's willing to make a lifetime commitment to you? Scary stuff.

 

Whirlwind romances that are moving as fast as yours is.......they often fizzle out just as quickly, over time...once you really start to see the person for who they are.

 

how did you meet this guy, anyway? online? through friends? at a club?

 

has he ever been married before?

 

what's his relationship history like? has he ever been in any serious longterm relationships before?

 

1 out of 2 marriages ends in divorce...and this is most often amongst couples who've known each other longer than one month. The odds of your marriage working given the situation here, are slim to none.

 

Why the rush for him to want to get hitched? Could he have ulterior motives?

 

Does he have a stable job? Does he own his own home/is he financially stable and independent? (or maybe looking for someone, such as yourself, to get a free ride from)

 

I'd be very leary here.

[Tony T]

JAG2 is 100 percent when she says these whirlwind, atomic powered romances fizzle out on a dime. Enjoy the passion right now because there's a real good chance it won't last long.

 

Real love takes time to grow. You are still young and you don't need to be rushing to the altar.

[Ruzmurf]

Man… where is this person. All the men in this world who care about they woman should line up and smack this guy.

 

Please take time to communicate your thoughts with him. If he does not have the respect to work or at least try to provide a nice wedding – “Royal ‘Flush’”. Please think here, if he makes fast decision is he fast in bed or does he even respect you enough to take time out to consider what else he will make quick decisions about. Marriage is 50/50 and neither you nor he should accept less than what you deserve. TO ALL THE WOMEN OUT THERE… DO NOT MAKE YOUR MAN GO BROKE ON THE WEDDING, BUT AGREE ON THE WEDDING YOU WANT. After all, you are a jewel! Marriage only happens once. DO NOT EVEN THINK DIVORICE IS AN OPTION. Let us starting learning about old fashion values again. Hell even mutual respect!!! Even if it takes a commitment to live, separate or get a second job, have a nice wedding. I was married and divorce and I hate the divorce took place but we all learn from mistakes. I learned to back the constitutes of marriage because of what I went through. Even if he provides the weddings of your dreams… it does not replace the need for communication. Therefore, put you foot down and let him know only a real man will work with the love of his life to pursue a mutual goal. If he is not willing to accept that… let him go… he does not respect you. FYI: I hate to say I am divorced but… too many marriages end in divorce. Quick marriage, quick divorce! For the guys out there… “It is cheaper to keep her.” No offense but… the more time a couple spend on the fundamentals (Communication, Respect, Money, Trust, Intimacy) first the better the chance this quick love sand storm many find themselves in will endure the test of time.

 

Now for heavens sake do not get pregnant. Take care of “protection” and wait until after the marriage to have kids. Even if the marriage does not happen for a year or two...You will learn so much and have that one year and of trust and mutual respect that will be needed once your children get here. I think you want a father that knows how to take his time and provide. If you do get married right away, think of it this way… the children you two have may get the same treatment. Maybe one day he will say I am too busy, or rush when the kids need him. If you entrust in him to make this decision for the both of you, he had better be darn worth the trust for the rest of your life. You will trust each other until death do you part. On the other hand, maybe until he makes a quick decision to leave the relationship.

 

I wish you the best...

"COMMUNICATION"

[km82794]

Ahhhh, I remember those days, I'll apologize for my gloomy outlook ahead of time....

 

Yes, I have been there and if you want my opinion WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!!!

 

THREE YEARS AGO:

We were so in love, spent every waking moment together. We talked, we shared, we laughed, had an awesome sex life. He showered me with love and treated me with respect. I swore he was the love of my life. We were convinced we were soulmates. We were engaged after six months.

 

TODAY:

He is a overly jealous, can't make a decision and stick to it, insensitive, cocky, selfish JERK with a drinking problem!

 

Yes, were still together and "working on it". I'm sure he would have a few things to say about me as well, but he can join his own forum.

 

See how things change?, I'm sure you can only guess that all is not so peachy on my side of the fence today but that's a whole other topic.

 

Not saying this could happen in your relationship, it's only my viewpoint on how a relationship can go from heaven to hell.

 

Good Luck Dear!!

 

<thinking> (Maybe I should have waited until tomorrow to give a reply, lol) !!!!